


How to catch a drifting star

by grainipiot



Series: Cosmic/Odyssey saga [1]
Category: League of Legends
Genre: Confusion, Cosmic Enchantress Lulu, Cosmic Queen Ashe, Cosmic blade Master Yi, Fluff, Getting Together, Hand Jobs, M/M, More Feels, Morning Star crew, Mutual Pining, Odyssey AU, Slow Burn, Strangers to Lovers, Undressing, and here comes the explicit content, bless her, crew on adventures, lady's involved, odyssey Kayn - Freeform, odyssey sona, okay here comes the edgelord, poor buddy Yone each time he's mentionned it's because of his death, that's not a spoiler he's dead in each single alternate universe, there is some blood but nothing too bad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-24
Updated: 2019-07-06
Packaged: 2020-01-25 18:38:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 25
Words: 49,183
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18580300
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/grainipiot/pseuds/grainipiot
Summary: Many things cross the galaxy yet it was the first time they found this kind of being. Running among the stars to keep harmony in the universe. What the captain didn't expect was to find so much interest for this peculiar person.Note: the fic is tagged E only for a specific hot scene but otherwise the whole fic is a good T (better overtag than undertag).





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Summary completely sucks but here we go.  
> Expect here some slow burn, feels and sexual content soon enough. Yes it's a bit different of my other works but I can't wait to write this
> 
> A lot of love for the ones giving it a try <3

_« Let’s go here, it will be fun. »_ _Hell yeah. Why would it go wrong ?_

 

Yasuo complained a bit for the show but couldn’t really refuse something to her. Jinx was very convincing when she wanted and in the facts, it would be indeed entertaining to watch her exploding stuffs. Malphite wouldn’t say no neither, quite thrilled to join her in these ‘peculiar’ activities.

 

So they went. It was a rather small planet – or maybe it was even too small to be called that way – they came accross in their uncordinated travel. Trusting the map, it was some unlisted rock, welcoming a small fauna but no other presence. Perfect practice ground for Jinx. But as captain it wasn’t so much to his taste. _Not so sure about that_. Troubles could easily find them, the three of them were a real magnet.

 

 _Whatever. Let’s do this_. It wasn’t like imperial forces would fall on them right in the middle of nowhere.

Just what to occupy their afternoon. Some babysitting, looking after Jinx just in case she find problems again.

 

~

 

It went rather well, depending on who’s side we are. Every single sign of animal life just disappeared each time some explosion resonated, along some laugh.

Yasuo let them run, have their fun while himself wandered not far. Lizard quietly resting on his shoulder, making a few surprised noise as reaction to the detonations. This wasn’t something easy to get used to.

He looked around, searching clues about why such place wasn’t listed. This seemed to be a nature reserve or something of the sort.

 

Then there was a high yell, only possible to be Jinx’s. _What now ?_

 

« Yasuo, come here ! We found something ! »

 

Here it was, the spur of adventure. Although he wasn’t as affected than her, it was always exhilirating to discover new things. Quick steps to join them, near what seemed to be a large cave.

 

« The fuck is this ? » It wasn’t so much the sinister cave but more about the claw marks against the walls. From the size, the animal responsible would be enormous.

 

« I don’t know but it must be terrifying ! I want to go see it ! »

 

 _Uhoh, bad idea_. It was something to chase big monsters but this one seemed to be in another category. « Nah, don’t think so. You’ll just try to explode it and fail, killing us in the process. »

 

« You’re boring…Let’s do it anyway ! »

 

At their side Malphite nodded too, taking her side as usual.

 

Before Yasuo could say something else, a rocket was launched and hit right next to the entry of the cave, making a hell of a shamble.

 

« You stupid…Stop that. » Reached for Jinx and her weapons before she could do more damage.

 

Then there was terrible noise from the cave, like a wail but too deep. _Shit’s gonna kill us_. On instinct his hand went to his blade, ready to use in the worst case.

Something appeared in the shadows and indeed it was massive. Another screech vibrating in the air. And a gleeful laugh from Jinx. Of course she was having a rush of adrenalin, never scared for her own life.

 

The creature was big, like really. A lot taller than Malphite. It looked like an oversized mole, sharps claws to dig and dark eyes. Surely someone specialized in this domain would guess what species it was and if it was dangerous but none of them were.

 

« Better run ! » Yasuo was ready just to flee this potential disaster but the two others just stood there, watching as the creature got more distressed or angry. Difficult to know which.

 

Anyway he wouldn’t run away without his crew so he reached for them to go.

 

Jinx pushed him and reloaded her weapon : « Not yet ! I’m just starting to have fun ! » Took aim, ready to shoot.

 

Sudden flash in their vision, blinding for a few seconds. Her weapon fell to the ground, kicked out of her hands. But what truly shook the trio was the source of such move.

A man stood there, yanking her hand up to prevent more harm. And a blade, aimed to her partners, keeping them at bay.

 

« What the fuck ? » Yasuo thought out loud, having difficulties to register the appearance.

 

No it wasn’t a man. Humanoid but different, in a way that gave him chills. There were many kind of beings in the universe, surely it was one he didn’t know yet. _Is that a hood ?_ It was so strange, somehow translucent but physical too. _Whaaaaaaaat it that……. ?_

 

« Stop this. Put your hands down. » Clear voice, so surprising. This didn’t sound human nor robotic, like a tinkling.

 

Of course Malphite didn’t appreciate the threat toward his best friend. So he charged to grab them. But his hand closed around thin air. Everyone saw this, only the newcome didn’t flinch, blank.

 

« I’d rather you didn’t try again. I mean no harm, for anyone. »

 

Yasuo was at loss, too many things at once. Jinx had been about to blow up some poor creature then this just came here and had her stop. Urge was to protect her, just in case but this person said to be here for peace. _What to do ?_

He drew his sword and immediately they turned their face in his direction. Not really a face. Was it a mask ? Couldn’t question this longer because they had him drop his sword, going to close contact in a second. _Shit !_

 

This was impossible. That ‘man’, entity or whatever was actually holding him to make sure he wouldn’t fight back. But what scared him deeply was when he tried to reach for them, push away. The same thing happened, his hand found nothing, just passed through as if a hologram. In the place he was grabbed, the touch was also very strange, cold but unique.

 

« What are you ?? »

 

« Nothing you should worry about. Please stop resisting and everything will be fine. »

 

Yasuo was panicking a little, fear taking over with something else.

 

« Fine ?? You’re telling me this is fine ? »

 

« Stay calm. »

 

The grasp ended, Yasuo was released and as soon took a step back. _What the hell ?_ Kept his gaze warily on the person, cautious.

 

« Really, you shouldn’t feel threatened. Right now you’re the one harming this place. Just let me do my mission then you shall be free to go. »

 

For having shut up all this time, stunned by the first move, Jinx started again : « Hey ! What’s this ? You can’t just crash the party. We’re doing nothing wrong ! »

 

Malphite too looked like punching this intruder would be some fun.

 

« Hush. »

 

They stepped away during the fuss, not paying it much attention. Instead they walked in direction of the creature, who looked spooked by all this.

 

« Hey ! If I were you, I wouldn’t go too close to this one. Don’t know what it can do. » Yasuo couldn’ help but give a warning.

 

In any case, the stranger reached the animal, a hand extended. There was no noise, everyone keeping quiet to see if they were going to get clawed apart for daring to approach it. But nothing of the sort happened. The creature merely calmed down, nuzzling the hand held out. Small murmur then it went back in the cave.

 

 _That’s it ?_ The trio stood there bewieldered.

 

« How ?? It just left like nothing ? You speak to monsters ?? » A lot of excitement in her voice, the latest incident already forgotten.

 

The stranger came back to them, letting a clear sight of what they looked like.

 

« It’s not exactly the case but explaining would take too long. Now, don’t go bother this creature again. This place needs some peace. »

 

« But it wouldn’t be funny… »

 

They paused for an instant, considering Jinx but there was nothing to guess in their stance.

 

« I don’t really understand this need for violence but you should find another place to express it. Here the fauna asked nothing. »

 

« Pffffff… Okay, let’s go ! » Again cheerful, picking up her weapon then running away to their ship. Malphite followed her right on, never far behind.

 

And so both Yasuo and the other person watched them go. _Okay_. That was quite intense then a real

drop of tension. _I should follow them_. Though there was no real risk that they went without him.

He glanced at the stranger. Now that the fear of the instant was gone, it left more curiosity and wonder for such being, trying to understand.

 

« For a moment I thought you were going to kill us. Mmmh, I guess you could. »

 

« Unlike your feisty friend, I have no use nor taste for violence. There is no point in useless death. And I could make this up without problem. »

 

« That’s what you do ? You live here and protect the animals ? »

 

As they talked – almost casually – he eyed the frame just next to him. Several pieces of armor, smooth metal, long cape that seemed to end in particles. This was from a civilization he didn’t know. _Nice_. But the true mystery was the body itself, was it skin, something else ? Yasuo could see faint sparks, like minuscule stars composing a galaxy. Beautiful, in a way.

 

Crystalline laugh, echoing around them. It surprised Yasuo without real reason : « I am a mere traveller, I do not live here. »

 

« So you just happened to be around ? Guess we’re pretty lucky then. » So easy to slip into a warmer tone, almost flirting. _What am I doing ?_ Yasuo berated himself but this was far too tempting. Couldn’t deny how this stranger had caught his attention, now that he could watch.

 

« Neither. I run accross the universe and this place needed to be brought back to harmony. Space is not a limit. »

 

« What ? You just… appeared here ? What are you ? »

 

No care for the time passing, Yasuo truly was interesting in this new topic.

 

« It’s difficult to describe to people like your kind. Some would refer to us as gods and goddesses. We have the gift of creation and life and so we have to make sure harmony is respected in universes. »

 

« Gods ?? Holy shit ! But you mean there are several like you ? »

 

« Yes, but we still have a certain individuality. I serve our queen and we all have as mission to protect life. »

 

« A queen, huh ? So basically you run ar— »

 

« YASUO !! Get your ass back on the ship ! Or we leave you behind ! » That was Jinx, calling for him.

 

Both turned in her direction. « Shit, I have to go. I’d have liked to talk more. »

 

The stranger seemed to understand : « Go, it’s no trouble. The conversation was enjoyable, on my part. If you want to talk another time, call me. »

 

« Oh fine ! By the way, what’s your name ? And how I’m supposed to call you ?? »

 

« Just call me, nothing easier. My name is Yi. »

 

« Yi… Okay ! »

 

Than just as the words left him, the stranger disappeared again in a blink. _Whaaaaaat ?_

He couldn’t stay here longer, no reason anymore. So Yasuo ran to the ship, though there was no real rush.

 

« At last. What were you doing ? Testing your charms on some weird guy ? »

 

« Hey ! It’s nothing like that ! We just talked. You know, being open-minded and all that. Go back talking to your gun. »

Gentle tap on her back, to push her away.

 

« Nah, old man. »

 

« Pilot. »


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> holyyyyyyyyyy i'm tireddddddddd
> 
> Thanks for the kudos, glad to see interest for this attempt <3

This had been a hell of a day but it wasn’t so bad. The crew resumed their routine, settling to sleep. Or maybe Jinx was staying up late in the workshop.

On Yasuo’s side, he went quietly to read before deciding to sleep at a reasonable hour.

 

But bingo, he couldn’t. Still thought about what happened that day. Except the fact that they potentially avoided being eaten by some creature, they met someone.

 

_Yi_

 

Strange, really, how travels could lead them to such a peculiar being. Yasuo didn’t know to refer to them though globally it was more of a masculine aura. _I don’t know, should ask if we meet again_. Pushing some thoughts about any gender forms for this kind of entity would surely kill his rest so he didn’t try.

 

It had been interesting, to meet an unknown kind of life. One dedicated to maintain balance and harmony in universes. _It means there are several universes ??_ Another thing to avoid if he really wanted to sleep soon.

 

Even now he couldn’t find with he was intrigued to this point. It happened in the day, just doing the recap. But still this light fluster. Yi was really one of a kind, difficult to get out of his mind. _Beautiful, in a odd way_. Exotic.

 

 _Fuck it, Jinx was right ? I’m overthinking_. _But is that even a guy ??_ This was a loop without end. In any case, he was curious about them and was already thrilled at the idea of talking more.

 

 _Wait, how do I even manage to find them ?_ This was cryptic as possible, just a _« call me »_. Yasuo doubted a being so powerful used low technology to communicate.

 

_Arg…._

 

~

 

Sleep found him after a long fight to relax, some stirring and a good dose of impatience. Nothing

better to start a new day than minimum rest and troubled mind. Needless to say this was going to be long.

Jinx got an warning during breakfast but as usual did nothing of it, used to him being moody after a bad night.

 

 _Just need a nap_.

 

At least their tiny lizard could do nothing to annoy him, just staying nearby as cheerful as it was. Even while he settled down, got busy with minor tasks, Yasuo’s thoughts came back to the other person. Zoned out sometimes. Truly bothering how he could be confused by a mere encounter. Rarely felt so interested, without even knowing what he seeked in that. Maybe just knowledge.

 

Several times Yasuo wanted to call them, just to have this conversation he was looking for. _But how do I do that ?_

At some point he went to see their communication device but got stuck again, no idea how to proceed. _What the fuck am I doing ?_

 

This state of restlesness seemed to grow on the rest of the crew or at least, they noticed. Once, Malphite went to poke him and he didn’t even hear him come, too taken by his thoughts. A loud laugh followed, for having caused such a scare.

 

« Ya know, I was joking. But I’m starting to think you really have a problem, Yas. » Jinx’s way to show concern, though it was blatant bickering.

 

« You’re my problem, running into troubles before we even get out of the previous. Now shut up and eat in silence. »

 

Never expected her to stay quiet, even during the meal. On most days Yasuo liked that, it made some background noise, a bit of company.

 

« Whatever. Do you even have his name ? Must have learned some stuff when you kept eyeing him up. »

 

« Mind you fucking business. I wasn’t. » So easy to get mad at her, she had a gift to annoy people. So loud.

 

« And I’m perfectly sane, right. You’re shit at keeping secrets and you know it. So, what’s his little name ? »

 

Yasuo said nothing, a bit angry at himself for being readable at the first glance. A deep sigh : « Yi. »

 

And as a spell, they appeared in the room, a few seconds after the name was spoken. A loud noise followed, everyone choking on their food, jumping at the scare.

 

« HOLY— Shit ! » He would have reached for his sword but never carried it around at table, there was supposed to be no risk.

 

First reflex was to get on fight response but they calmed down eventually, staring back at the intruder. Except Malphite, who stayed cautious, ready to throw a punch. For the lizard, it just hid behind a glass, after a tiny squeak.

 

« No need to scream like that, it’s just me. » In their voice there was no show of remorse for causing such a fuss. Even if they just manifested in a room by mere call of the name.

 

« Fuck, you weren’t kidding when you told just to call you. » Yasuo relaxed a little though couldn’t go back to eat.

 

« What the fuck you’re doing here ? That’s our ship ! We didn’t invite you ! » Even for her it was too much surprise at once.

 

« No, Yasuo. I don’t lie. » They turned slightly to face Jinx : « I was summoned and nothing showed I wasn’t welcome here. Do you accept my apologies ? »

 

« Mmmpf, that’s still pretty rude. Do I go bother you at home ? No ! »

 

« Jinx, calm down. It was an accident. » Yasuo still tried to keep this low, there was no need for a fight now.

 

Yi tilted his head slightly, maybe that was some sort of curiosity : « Oh, so I wasn’t required here ? Shall I leave ? »

 

« No no, stay here ! I…wanted to talk. Not now though, let me finish and we go. » Spoke before Jinx could send him away. Maybe not the most brilliant idea, if he trusted the knowing glance she gave him. _Fuck_.

 

« Fine, fine, do your thing. Not like my opinion count here. »

 

« I’m the captain. » Would make her a little pissed but it was their favorite way to annoy each other.

 

« Fucking dictator in my own ship… » Grumbled a little but Jinx went back to eating without more comment.

 

But Yi was still here, standing where he just arrived. It turned the mood a little awkward, as there was nothing he could do.

 

« You can sit, you know. It’s not forbidden. » Yasuo didn’t know what else to do as he hurried. « D-Do you want something to eat or drink ? »

 

« I have no need for that. But I appreciate the offer. » Must have been talking about the food offer, since they reached for the closest empty seat. And just stayed there, waiting patiently.

 

There was really nothing to deduce from Yi’s face, a sort of mask or whatever that was. But fortunately the light mood came back, some happy chatter.

 

Once Yasuo was done, he ran to put his plate to be cleaned later and stepped toward their guest.

 

« Come with me ? It’ll be more quiet than here. »

 

« Not my worshop ! If I found a single thing moved or dirtied, I’m kicking your ass ! »

 

« Fuck off ! » How could she suggest such a thing, Yasuo had not idea. But it did make him blush, just a little.

 

Yi followed him as he went to that room he used to meditate. Some books lied around. This was his spot to be left at peace, far from the two others.

 

« Can sit, it’s fine. » He gestured to the latter as he did the same, on the carpet. The lizard joined him too, curling up.

 

It was still very intriguing, to watch their moves. How they settled down with some grace, not far from Yasuo.

 

« So, you wished to talk ? » Nothing went through the tone.

 

« Yeah, yeah. But can’t really remember what. » A small laugh at his own derision. This was becoming awkward again.

 

« I have all the time you want. Just need to ask. »

 

« It’s not funny, it confused me so much. I…can’t get you out of my thoughts. »

 

« Ah. It wasn’t my intention to bring you such trouble. »

 

« No problem, no problem. » Silence seemed to stay here for a while. And Yi said nothing, just waited. He could feel their gaze on him. Was it judgement, impatience, curiosity ? Why was his heart going faster ?

 

 _Ah, yes_. « Hum, this is a bit strange to ask but what are you ? »

 

« I thought I had answered this before. My fault then. I am a source of life, pure energy condensed in one being. Our kind has as aim to keep balance in everything and so our power allow us to create and modify universes for the best. »

 

« Didn’t mean that ! Errr, like, what are you ? You talked of a queen, so you refer to her as ‘she’. How do they refer to you ? »

 

« Oh, I see. Well, there is no such thing as sex in our kind, in the biological sense. We refer to each of us as we prefer. Our queen wants to be refered as such. And to answer you question, I prefer to be refered as ‘he’. »

 

« Okay, Jinx wasn’t wrong. » Yasuo didn’t know what to do with that particular piece of information but it was one thing learned. Now he was settled.

 

« Is that important for you ? »

 

« No no ! Doesn’t matter at all ! Just wanted to know, to be correct. » Short embarrassment, wondering why he felt that tension. It was fine. « Your queen, how is she ? »

 

« She has the status of queen by simple need to have a leader though by essence we’re all equal. Our powers may vary by the domain but we are all free. No need to bind the light. Maybe you’re asking what does she look like. Queen Ashe is a real beauty, a jewel dazzling every soul laying a gaze on her. »

 

It left Yasuo speechless to hear such vocabulary, great ease to expression. « You’re beautiful too. » It was the truth yet it escaped him too easily.

 

Again that head tilt, Yi considering him quietly. Then there was a low noise, turning out to be a chuckle : « Do you think so ? This is not the term I’d use for myself. Most of reactions I got from your kind went from fear to amazement, but nothing of this sort. »

 

« Well, doesn’t make it less true. »

 

« You’re truly interesting. » That made Yasuo pause, frozen on his spot. And Yi continued : « To see such curiosity on my behalf, it’s peculiar. Your quest for knowledge has picked my interest. »

 

« Erm, it’s not always we ran into a god. Of course I’m curious. »

 

« I enjoy this. Please ask more. »

 

« Last time you had a blade. Is that your weapon ? »

 

This was something he had on his mind. To meet another warrior using a blade sure was thrilling, anticipation making him forget the general fluster.

 

« Yes indeed. Although we prefer to avoid violence, each of us is very capable to offer death with the weapon of our choice. Here as example, our queen use a bow. Another fierce warrior, Xin Zhao, uses a spear. »

 

« Wow, I’m sorry for the poor people fighting you. »

 

« I don’t recommend it. If they are to receive our final judgement, they must have been deeply vile. »

 

« Ok ok. »

 

Yasuo wanted to ask for this, so much. He gathered some courage : « Yi ? Could we have a duel ? I want to try. »

 

« I hope you mean a non-lethal duel. Because I have no reason to harm you otherwise. »

 

« Yup, of course. No doubt you’d kill me in less than one second. But fuck, I just want to see how strong you are. »

 

« The thrill of the fight…I don’t really understand how your kind come to appreciate violence but if that is your wish, I will provide. Stand. »

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is going slower than I intended. maybe for the better


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> jhfhhjghghgjh i'm enjoying this so much
> 
> thank you gentle souls, for trying this <3

_Oh boy, don’t disappoint_.

 

Yasuo both waited and feared that duel, anxiety twisting viciously in his chest. This was incredible, how a skilled fight could get him good but this one seemed so promising. One didn’t have the chance to cross swords with a kind of god every day.

 

Adrenalin rushing, he got to his feet just as Yi did. Face to face, challenge written on his face.

 

 _Shit_.

 

« Erm wait, don’t have my sword here. Be right back ! » Ridiculous, really, to make all a show of impatience then having to run to his room searching for his weapon.

 

At least Yi said nothing before he came back, just gazing at him with this peculiar fashion he had.

 

Once both were ready, they drew their blades. Surprised Yasuo to see the latter’s weapon materialize in his hand. Sharp, unforgiving yet an odd look, shiny, like composed of stars. He didn’t have time to think too much about it, Yi snapped him out of this contemplation.

 

« Are you ready ? I promise, I will try to refrain myself. Fight without fear. »

 

That fighting stance also was new, he never saw something of the sort before. Made him wonder how much he could learn of a whole new civilisation and ways with the sword.

 

« Please, let my ego where it is. I already know I don’t stand a chance. But like hell I’m going to give up without trying ! »

 

And so the duel began.

 

If before Yasuo had still some thin hope to get the advantage, it was crushed without mercy in less than thirty seconds. Just enough to find himself to the ground, translucent and razor sharp blade under his chin. It was strictly impossible for him to win. The fight barely began than Yi disappeared from his sight in a blink, to show up again behind him. Yasuo still had some pretty awesome reflexes but it didn’t save him, just helped him a few times before he met that cold floor.

So impressive and horrifying to fight against, blows difficult to dodge.

 

« Okay. » Didn’t even have to drop his own sword, Yi had kicked it out of his hand beforehand. So he just raised his hands, acknowledging his defeat. Fast and burning. He had been utterly fucked and it barely felt like the other was giving his fullest. No wonder how it would go if they were to fight for real.

 

In a way he felt self-concious like this, sprawled on the floor, a blade still indicating the winner as it lightly kept him from averting his gaze. Right on Yi. There was nothing he could read on that mask, pride, disappointment or complete indifference. Just him, looking at him like a curious thing in this world. Beaten in no time, his ears still rang from the clash of their swords. Dazed. Something else came to heat up his face, more than slight shame for not lasting longer. A kind of awe, for a being so powerful that defeated him without effort. Yasuo’s heartbeat picked up and he didn’t really know why. _Must be the rush_.

 

« Satisfied ? » There was a smile, Yasuo couldn’t see it but the latter sure was smiling. His blood boiled at this and not from anger.

 

« Daaaaaaaaaamn……You got me there. » Lying back on the floor, relaxing a bit when the blade was taken away from him.

 

There wasn’t much time to dwell on how bad he got it there, the whole fight passing like a flash. A hand was held out to him, so he gladly accepted the help, standing up again.

 

« You’re good too. A lot more than most fighters I had to slay. » Well, if that wasn’t going to make him blush.

 

Yasuo was about to return the compliment and contradict the latter’s words when a third voice resonnated in here : « Are ya kidding ? He didn’t last shit. » Then some light laugh, that could only come from Jinx.

 

At once he turned to glare at her, more than taken aback to register her presence here. _She was here ??_

 

« Get out ! What are you doing here ?? »

 

The girl was standing by the door, leaning against it with an open smirk. « Just making sure you didn’t go in my workshop, that’s all~ But the show sure was funny. Hey, weird space guy ? You’re a good one, I respect anyone that can beat Captain’s ass. »

 

« This was merely a duel for him to compare our skill. No need for such crude vocabulary. »

 

« Well he failed miserably and I enjoyed watching this. Have fun boys, gotta go ! »

 

As she was going away, Yasuo still managed to yell at her his annoyance : « Leave us alone, you brat ! »

 

Now that they were truly alone, Yasuo sighed and gestured to the latter to sit back to their previous spot on the carpet. « What a pain. Sorry about that. »

 

« I don’t mind. Despite her pulsions for meaningless troubles, she seems very amusing, joyful. I don’t really know your story and what you four are doing together but it feels like a family. A dysfunctionnal but happy family. » This sounded like Yi thinking aloud, low voice in the quiet room as he still had his face turned to the door.

 

It left Yasuo rather silent, considering the statement. As strange it sounded, he knew it may be true. They weren’t a crew for no reason, adventures were greatly better together.

 

« You’re not wrong, I guess. Honestly, it’s fun. But don’t tell Jinx I tolerate her, I wouldn’t hear the end of this in a year. » A short pause then he realized something : « Wait, us four ? We’re just three, Malph, me and that kiddo. »

 

No voiced answer from Yi, he merely pointed at the lizard now sleeping not far, in a small ball.

 

« Oh right. » A laugh escaped him, a tad of happiness brought by this tiny companion. « We don’t know even have a name for it but we keep it. Cute one. And actually we all get along well. »

 

« A lucky one. I wonder how it would feel to have this kind of family. »

 

The tone was nothing close to sadness yet Yasuo felt that yearning. « I know this sounds silly but you don’t have a family ? People you live with ? »

 

« There is no such thing for us. We were just created, we don’t have bonds of any kind except our mutual objective. No siblings nor parents. Obviously, we’re not beings able to reproduce. Immortal as we are, it would make things more difficult. »

 

« Wait, you can’t die ? » Not once it came to Yasuo’s mind but this seemed a bit normal considering the latter’s powers.

 

« We can’t. Technically. But it may happen a very few exceptions. In these cases, it’s not really death but rather a downfall to a darker state. Do you see, when some stars die it will give birth to a black hole. This way were born twisted beings devoted to destruction but it takes one of us to fall so

low. »

 

A shiver ran down his spine at the concept. _These must not be very nice_. « Errrr I have a bad feeling about these. Can’t they die too ? »

 

« It’s…complicated. Just like us they can’t but there are some ways to render them to nothing. I told you our aim is to protect harmony and balance, these seek the opposite. So we are sworn to fight over and over. »

 

« Please, I don’t want to get caught in some godly clash. Or you neither. Must not be fun to have. »

 

« Do not fret, I would never involve mortals in this kind of matter. »

 

It still gave Yasuo a cold feeling, to know there was some heavy threats out there. To know such powerful entities ran around meant also there was an equally evil counterpart.

 

« And you’ll be fine too ? »

 

« Are you fearing for my own safety ? No need, I have been doing this for millennia. There is nothing new, except you maybe. »

 

_What ??_

 

« You’re fucking old ?? And…except me ? »

 

« Compared to you, that’s more than clear. And what I meant is that you’re intriguing. I have never talked that much to someone of your kind or any other species outside our own. It’s new in a way. »

 

« Don’t say things like that, might think I’m special. » Good hearted laugh followed, hidding poorly his fluster.

 

« Everyone is special. You are, at least to me. »

 

Yasuo couldn’t understand why it touched so deep, just able to make a choked sound. _This is not what he means !_

 

~

 

This visit in their cozy ship had been the first but not the last. Even as their day came to an end, Yasuo couldn’t resolve himself to ask the latter to leave. So their ways parted with the request to join soon. It made him feel like a kid again, thrilled to meet again this amazing being met randomly in their adventures.

 

Yi came back, the first days only when he was called and sure it wouldn’t bother too much the rest of the crew. There wasn’t even any complains from Jinx, just teasing her captain more than usual. Not her fault if he was an easy target.

 

It became normal to see this stellar traveller appearing in the ship, following Yasuo to settle down in a quiet corner.

And so they talked. A lot. About anything that crossed his mind, everything. _I want to know all about this_. And maybe all about Yi, for he never really left his thoughts.

 

One time it was about his fighting style. Yasuo learned that the latter didn’t have some crazy ass ability but in fact he was the quickest form of life. During their duel, Yi was just going so fast he couldn’t really see the moves coming.

Also, Yi was ambidextrous. Maybe a reason it stunned him so much during the fight, since the latter used his blade as easily with his right than his left. Again, why expect an invicible entity to chose a side when both were possible ?

 

There was so many topics, so much knowledge ready to be discovered. Yasuo’s interest grew, as much as this thrill to stay with this no more stranger. A companion to talk, learn new things. A whole new point of view. And it wasn’t at all because he felt a start of attraction, nope. _Nothing like that_.

 

Topic would change day after day. Till one time it was a rather personal question Yasuo wanted to ask.

 

« Tell me Yi. Can you feel ? »

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AYE WE COMING TO THE REASON I WANTED TO WRITE THAT FIC


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sooooooooooooo tired!!
> 
> but all my heart for each readers <3333

« In which sense of the word ? »

 

Always at their now usual spot, facing each other in this quiet room. A part of Yasuo just wanted to nope his way out of this. His question had a double edge, two possible meanings and one he was embarrassed to explore. What about emotions ? Could these entities feel and express fear, anger and all this plethora of nuances that made life what it was? An infinity of possibility.

He wasn’t really calm asking about this, when himself had never been sure of what he felt. What Yi represented to him even if it hadn’t been long. Curiosity, awe and something he didn’t want to point out.

 

So it was a rather tricky question but he wanted to know. How far or close these gods were. But Yasuo couldn’t and backed, going for the second way. _Such a coward…_

 

« Like touch, smell, sight, for example. I guess you can see but maybe that’s different from what I imagine. »

 

« Of course I can see. And feel, in the way you describe it. Maybe even with more accuracy than your kind would ever be able to show. We don’t know everything but we watch, hear it all. It’s also how we manage to restore harmony in certain places. »

 

_Holy…_

 

« …Like you can see everything. »

 

« Indeed. But this wouldn’t be so surprising for us immortals. »

 

 _Yeah, don’t know how I could think that_. It was a little scary, to know someone out there was always watching. Yasuo gazed at the latter, a sudden ask coming to his mind.

 

« But how do you see ? Don’t seem to have eyes or even a face. » Just to make himself clear he waved his hand in front of Yi.

 

« I have eyes, thank you. » He sounded rather amused at this silly question. « This is a mask. »

 

« Well I couldn’t guess ! For me it was just…I don’t even know how we can describe it. Why do

you wear a mask ? » Yasuo was genuinely curious, this would be some really good information.

 

« Because I prefer to. » Blunt answer, nothing more.

 

« Okay okay, I respect that. Just wondering how you look like. Do your kind is similar to us ? You said your queen was beautiful but maybe that’s just by your own standards. »

 

Some silence at first, Yi’s face slightly turned to look by the window. « Our features are alike, yes but with some nuances. Do I pass as human to you ? No. Our kind choses their own appearance but as we do, we tend to take other species as model. »

 

 _Uhuh_. « So you don’t have an original shape ? You took what you prefered to look like ? » _Then why hide behind a mask if he’s free to chose his form ?_

 

« Energy doesn’t have an original shape. Everyone chose what they like and it’s possible to change as time pass. This is what I wished to look like, a strictly personnal choice. »

 

« Could I see you one day ? » He really wished that, to see the face of a person untouched by time. Even if it was just an illusion.

 

« I’d rather not to. »

 

The tone turning to cold made Yasuo less sure about all this. « Fine ! Not gonna ask ever again ! » Thinking about possible reasons for this. The first would be self-conciousness but how did that concerned someone able to infinitely change ? _He’s shyyyyyy._ Made his heart flutter so lightly.

 

« Thank you. »

 

So came an awkward pause and Yasuo wanted to slap himself for causing it. _That was a bad idea to ask_. Tried to find a distraction, keep the topic but in another direction.

Something burned, a request ready to be voiced. Maybe it would make things worse.

 

Again that head tilt and Yasuo started to find this habit endearing. Guessed Yi was curious too, trying to understand him.

 

« You want to ask something, I can tell. Do, it’s no matter. »

 

Always so easily read, Yi could tell everything from him. It gave him a short shiver.

 

 _Fuck it_.

 

« Ok, it’s maybe a bit weird to ask that to someone else. Can I…touch you ? Feel how it is ? I-I get it, it’s not appropriate but just want to check something. » Very tempting to avert his gaze but it was important to show some serious.

 

A small laugh resonnated, far from mocking. Again it made Yasuo feel things just by hearing that reaction.

 

« Oh my dear, no need to look so distressed. I don’t have any of your societal norms and conventions so this is not incorrect to ask. Come closer and sate your quest for knowledge. »

 

This was a proper invitation and he couldn’t really believe how well phrased it was. A bit nervous,

Yasuo glanced at the closed door then went by the latter’s side. At this short distance, their legs touched as he tried to relax a little. So much trouble for his pounding heart, he feared Yi could hear it. _Calm down, please_.

 

Then he was stuck, like the dumbass he was. Frozen on the spot, unsure about how to do that. This time he kept his face lowered, attention instead on the latter’s body.

Before he dared to make a move, he studied the details, what he hadn’t seen before. Was it skin, was it something else ? Just a barrier to keep energy in a certain organized shape. Difficult to say if it was translucent indeed, Yasuo couldn’t see through but there was some shiny stuff sparkling. Like small galaxies given humanoid form. _Strange_.

Some parts of Yi’s body were still covered by a kind of armor, which looked made of metal.

 

Really he didn’t know what to do. The answer was so close yet it seemed impossible to reach because it involved laying his hand on another person. _Shit, what a crap idea_.

 

Yi decided to act, since there was no move done yet : « You have nothing to fear, in no way you could hurt me. »

 

So he took Yasuo’s hand and laced their fingers together. Just this. The resulting shock was as much because of the slight difference of temperature than the gesture itself. So much effort not to squeak after that, red coming to color his cheeks in reaction. _AH !_

Did his best to put it aside and focused instead on what he could feel. He shyly returned the grasp, holding Yi’s hand and registered the differences. Not chilly but certainly cooler than human body temperature. Maybe a little surprise to find the latter warmer than he expected but truly, it was difficult to make a proper guessing.

 

 _Fine fine fine, just casually holding hands with an immortal being_. It dawned on Yasuo that potentially any of the other two could barge in the room. _NO_.

 

« Is something wrong ? I can almost hear you thinking. » Of course it caught Yi’s attention, from the general fluster and increasing panick. « Shhhh, it’s fine. »

 

Maybe the latter wasn’t really aware of anything but he still made an attempt at calming Yasuo down. A hand went to his shoulder, gentle grasp as to shake him out of this.

 

« No, no problem ! It’s nothing ! »

 

Yi didn’t look very convinced but anyway he never showed much. So this slided for now. It also left Yasuo more time to learn. Smooth skin – if that was the right word – like ancient and new at the same time, silky like. Couldn’t help but rub his thumb in small circles against it, seeking contact.

 

« So, are you satisfied ? »

 

This sounded a bit like the proper end of this, Yasuo wouldn’t risk longer and let go of the latter’s hand. Sad, just a tad. It was an experience.

 

« Yes… It’s strange. Like for real. You’re not cold but it’s weird compared to any other life. »

 

A smile to be heard as he spoke warmly : « May I remind you some species are cold-blooded. But you’re right, we surely are at a lower temperature than your kind. A question of bodily activity, I would say. »

 

« Yup, I guess that’s why. Wait, no bodily activity ? »

 

« Indeed. We aren’t the exact same type of life. We do not require basic functions or needs. No reproduction, no breathing, none of it. »

 

 _That’s fucked up !_ It made sense but never had he come accross a form of life able to have a conciousness though no physical needs.

 

« So you don’t fuck. » Spontaneous answer and immediately Yasuo regretted knowing how to talk.

 

« We don’t. But again, we are not blind. I’m not so I know many things on these topics. »

 

« R-Right. »

 

 _Can I just shut up ??_ Sometimes he wished he was mute, just to prevent these incidents.

 

And here came silence, ready to fill the place after that pitiful question. At least Yi didn’t seem to judge him. Perks of talking to someone completely outside any norms.

 

« If you don’t have any more questions, I’ll— »

 

« No, don’t go ! Sorry, for being like this. Never meant to sound like a creep. »

 

Even made a small move toward Yi, to keep him from leaving. But in fact the other stayed in his spot.

 

« I’m not leaving, don’t fret. Since you seemed short on questions, I wanted to be the one making a request. »

 

 _Oh, it’s okay. Not going away_. Yasuo relaxed a little, interest picked by what the latter would potentially ask.

 

« I would like to repeat this experimentation. To know how it feels. Will you let me touch you ? »

 

_Ehhhhh ??_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKAY, IT'S NOT ALL I WANTED TO SAY BUT IT'S LATE, I NEED TO SLEEP  
> sorry, but I have so many things to tell and it didn't make it in the chapter. the fun begins in the next update~


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKAY KIDS, NOW GET OUT! here comes the reason this fic will get tagged E!
> 
> thank you to everyone, it's sweet to hear such positive feedback on this peculiar AU <3

_What ? For real ??_

 

In no way Yasuo could have been prepared for this request. He tried to remind himself this wasn’t as it sounded, Yi just wanted to repeat it and himself had a try. Nothing vulgar, nothing implicit. Yet it still brought pink to his cheeks. _Don’t think like that !_

 

« Y-You want to ? » Barely able to speak without voicing his fluster.

 

« Is that incorrect to ask ? You look very nervous now. Forget about it if it makes you so uncomfortable. » A hint of worry in Yi’s tone, without a doubt he noticed the man’s state.

 

« No it’s fine ! Just the way you phrase it makes it weird. I’ll let you do if you wish. »

 

A short pause followed, Yi looking at him but no words came. Again the head tilt. _He’s confused_. This was the most logical explanation.

In the end, Yasuo calmed down a little, from seeing this little scene happening. Neither were good at understanding each other, different approaches and ways of thinking. That was why they talked so much. Also, it didn’t truly bother Yasuo to let the latter have his experimentation. Himself asked just before, it would seem normal to return the favor. Anyway, his heartbeat wasn’t over yet this whole conversation.

 

Since Yi stayed quiet, maybe at loss for words, he continued to appease them both : « Didn’t mean to stop you like that. It’s…difficult to explain but for a short time it gave me the wrong idea. Not your fault. »

 

« I don’t understand why. You made your request the same way, why did I make it sound different ? »

 

« Errrr because even when I asked it was awkward. Don’t do as I do, it’s often stupid. »

 

« You act spontaneously, from what I could see. But don’t undervalue yourself. »

 

« Got it. » That was some compliment, Yasuo took it with light blushing.

 

The topic had deviated again so he decided to bring back Yi’s request, to get things moving. Innerly he still felt a bit nervous about this, not sure if he wouldn’t flinch under the latter’s touch.

 

« So do you still want to do it ? It’s fine for my part. »

 

« Yes I do. Thank you. »

 

« It’s nothing, don’t worry. You did the same for me first. »

 

Then he saw Yi’s reaching for him, about to touch his face when it dawned on him that this place was too open. Just like before, anyone of the crew could barge in and he knew enough Jinx. She would come in for the smallest occasion to bother him. As reflex he stopped the latter, glancing warily at the closed door.

 

« Not here. Sorry but I’d rather we went somewhere else. Don’t want to be bothered. »

 

As he understood, Yi withdrew and got to his feet.

 

The small time used to go to his room, Yasuo felt a new pang of anticipation. And a crazy amount of fear at the idea of running into the others. So he made sure to be fast, leading Yi to his own cozy place.

Which in fact wasn’t tidy, clothes in piles on the floor and other objects in same state. The only things kept in order were the pillow in a corner where the lizard slept and the sword stored with respect. Though their tiny companion wasn’t here, surely hanging around the others.

 

It became more obvious that he should have thought about it before, now that Yi was looking around the room, registering its chaotic state.

 

« Sorry, I’m not used to have guests in here. » He still tried to remain calm, make some tidying.

 

Also it would have been maybe better to sit on the bed but it wasn’t really well kept, sheets crumpled. And it wasn’t a step he wished to take, as silly as it was. So he sat on the floor by the end of the bed, the latter following him and settling down near.

 

No idea why but Yi had reduced the distance compared to before, staying closer. Yasuo felt warmth coming up, so aware of the proximity. _Calm down, calm down_. The other would notice if he grew weird, too expressive.

 

« Can I ? » Simple question, both knew the answer since they wouldn’t be here otherwise. It was Yi being polite, making sure he was allowed.

 

« Yes. »

 

Yasuo braced himself, hands resting on his lap. As before, Yi reached for his face. It really made him confused, half expecting this to go as he did. But it would be logic. Some hand holding was mutual, if Yi was asking again it meant he seeked something else. Other places.

 

First contact was a light shock, scared despite everything. He tried not to flinch as the latter cradled his cheek. What really twisted Yasuo’s heart was how affectionate this gesture would be, under other circumstances. And that stare. Yi was just here, leaning a little closer. No emotions could be read here because of the mask but there was this aura of seriousness, determination to understand. Yasuo felt exposed and naked under that gaze. Could feel his face heat up, the worst now that it was what the latter focused on.

 

_Oh gods._

 

Cool fingers stroked lightly his cheek, maybe tracing shortly the scar on his nose then following the metallic part of his jaw. Innerly, Yasuo was that close to let out a noise under such scrutiny. _Why did I say yes ?_ This was equally embarrassing and…oddly soothing.

 

« Why is that part in metal ? Have you been hurt there before ? »

 

The question took him out of this strong fluster, temporary distraction. « Aha, nope. Just part of a sort of technologic mask I use to filter air. Ya know, in places where we can’t breathe. Not used often but I keep the gear on, it’s also some protection. » Easy to forget the whole situation, when he had something to say.

 

« I see. Do you ever take it off ? »

 

For now there was no clue that Yi noticed his impact on the man, possible absorbed in this observation. Not once his hands left Yasuo.

 

« Yup, of course. When I go to sleep and when I need to take a shower. It’s not uncomfortable but still glad to take it off at the end of the day. »

 

Made him forget a little how close Yi was, keeping the conversation. Once silence came back, vulnerability was here too, uneasy to receive this kind of attention.

The latter’s hand trailed down his gear, to that sort of armor protecting his chest. That was when panick hit. Mind going blank, watching for any moves, where he was going to focus. _Is he… ?_ Yasuo didn’t move, frozen there, waiting.

 

Anyway, it wasn't like Yi would learn something new from this. Armors and fight gear were common thing, not nearly as interesting than a person let at attention.

 

Yasuo held his breath without even thinking.

 

« Breathe, there is no danger here. » Soft words from the latter, looking up to see him. When did his attention go lower ?

 

So he complied, baffled by his own stupidity and breathed.

 

« I have another request but maybe it would be better for you if we stopped right now. » Clear, as Yi took his hands away from him slowly.

 

_Huh ?_

 

« It’s okay ! Everything is perfectly fine ! W-Why do you think we should stop ? » So difficult not to sound impacted, gaze averted.

 

« You’re distressed. I suppose this is too uncomfortable for you, scary. Are you sure it’s fine to continue ? »

 

« No, no. I’ll be okay, don’t worry. It’s just not often I get observed that close. » Brushed his embarrassment off with a laugh, hoping to reassure Yi. « What was that other request ? »

 

« This is in the way, could you take it off ? » Tapping gently his finger against his chest.

 

_AH !_

 

Here came a rush of blushing confusion. Yasuo wasn’t shy -far from it - very aware of his own assets yet right now he was unsure to show off. _No, don’t coward again_.

 

Took a little time before speaking, mouth running dry : « I can. »

 

Though he fumbled a little as he unclasped the whole armor, trying not to look too much like a blushing teen. His hands shook so lightly, unbelieving. Took it off and put it aside with a small thud then he tugged at the undershirt. The last thing before being topless before the latter.

 

« This too ? » He wasn’t sure at all, maybe that was already enough.

 

« Yes, please. And that metal thing around your neck. »

 

To the last very bit. Yasuo complied, hearbeat going crazy. Once it was done, he kept his face lowered, hands in ball on his lap. _I can’t believe I’m doing this_.

No words from Yi, not a reaction except the staring but there was little to guess in that.

 

Then these hands came back on him, the difference of temperature even starker than before. Yasuo shivered under the touch, smooth hands roaming from his neck to shoulders. Trailing lower till it rested on his chest.

Realization. Warmth building up in his chest but it was only now that it took a certain turn. It was arousal, along with that small fear. Anticipation for what any of the moves would mean in another setting. Yet they were in a bedroom, his. Yasuo’s thoughts ran wild. _No no no…_

This was supposed to be observation, Yi taking his time to register each detail he had never been able to see before. Seeing a human subject right under his sight was priceless. But Yasuo’s body took it all wrong, feeling a pang of need after the soft touch over his skin. Of course Yi was careful, cautious with any of his moves not to hurt. But so unaware of another type of reaction he could get from this.

 

It was too late, Yasuo’s blush creeped to his shoulders, another betrayal. He still did his best to hide this unlucky series of reactions, keeping his shirt bunched over his lap. Shame burning at the back of his mind, for having a boner with the wrong person. At least Yi’s different vision of the world would maybe save him, blessed ignorance.

 

As he waited for this to stop, mortified to feel more than he was allowed to toward him, Yi took away a hand. To be then let on Yasuo’s thigh but whatever. What counted was the other hand, stopped on his chest.

 

If till then Yi had been quiet, now he let out a quiet hum, like deep in thoughts.

 

 _Please, don’t_. This was useless, Yasuo knew it but he wanted to hope. Disliked how he mourned some of the lost contact.

 

« Yasuo. » Clear call, impossible to miss.

 

_He knows…_

 

« Are you alright ? »

 

He couldn’t answer. Not without making a pitiful noise. This was not possible, refused to. He just stayed there, tense, wishing for a quick death.

 

That hand over his thigh moved again, this time to lift his chin. No way around, he had to look at Yi. So helpless, not to see the latter’s reaction because of the mask, while himself couldn’t hide at all.

 

« I was mistaken… » Oddly, Yi spoke lower, even as they were alone in here. « You’re aroused. »

 

Enough, Yasuo forcefully lowered his face again, to avoid eye contact. That was an answer in itself. _Fuck_.

 

« Don’t hide from me, I know it’s the case. Pupils dilated and heart going faster than usual. At first I thought it was fear but it looks like I was wrong. Look at me. »

 

With infinite gentleness, he coaxed Yasuo to look back. Couldn’t help but comply though scared by potential judgment.

 

« Everything is alright. That reaction is natural, don’t blame yourself for having needs. »

 

« …I’m sorry. » Painful to say but he had to.

 

« I understand this would be embarrassing for your kind but there is nothing wrong with that. I should have seen that coming. My apologies, then. »

 

Yasuo shook his head at the negative : « Not your fault. I…just can’t control this. »

 

« Then let me solve this matter. »

 

This time he merely choke on his breath, never ready for this suggestion. _Really ??_

 

« A-Are you sure ?? You don’t have to, it’s my own fault here…It will go away if I wait. »

 

« Really, I don’t mind at all. And in all honesty, I’d be happy to help in this. »

 

 _Don’t. Read. Too. Much. In. That_.

 

Yasuo was so lost, confused and aroused to hell. His dumb brain would just let him surrender and take his relief, glad for it to be with Yi’s assistance.

 

« Okay… »

 

The magic word. As soon as he said it, Yi put away the balled shirt and cupped his crotch. Just this and Yasuo jerked into the contact, a whine escaping without a chance to take it back. A bit difficult to let go, he had been stiff for some time and holding everything back.

And the latter gave no rest, looking to unfasten his belt but this was too unusual for him. So Yasuo helped, the trembling making it harder but desperation was here to get him moving. Done.

 

Yi directly went to stroke his erection, once there was no clothing as obstacle.

 

« I think you will have to change underwear after that. It got stained. » Casual sentence, so oblivious the weight of such words.

 

It had Yasuo bringing a hand to his face, hidding in shame : « I-I know. But please don’t say that again. »

 

« Why ? It’s the truth. »

 

The conversation went on, even as Yi chuffled closer, hovering near. Yasuo couldn’t focus at all, quick hand on his cock, touch at first cautious then it grew bolder.

 

« Tell me if I do something wrong or hurt you. »

 

He wanted to reply but couldn’t. Words failed him, chest heaving as he surrended to the stimulation. Incredible, in every possible way. Even the most chaste of touch from Yi was strange, so this was doing wonders in such intimate initiative. Yasuo still tried to muffle his noises, mouth covered with his hand. _Can’t let this out…_

 

And Yi noticed that, head tilted as he gazed at him. Still very focused on the pleasure he gave but he payed attention to any reaction.

 

« Why are you trying to stay quiet ? You’re scared your friends may hear ? »

 

« They can’t… Oh— whole ship is soundproof….please don’t stop… » It seemed he was indeed able to form a sentence but it was too strangled for his taste.

 

« Then let it out. I can’t know if I hurt you when you silence yourself. »

 

Then Yasuo’s hand was taken away, to be laced with the latter’s. What else could he do? He let it happen, moaning lowly between gasps. The more they went to it, the more Yi was getting closer, almost on his lap. Observing from above, increasing the pace till Yasuo was a mess. His hips jerked in the grasp, chasing contact like a rare thing.

 

« Yer killing me… » Amidst all this blur of warmth, cool fingers against his skin.

 

It made Yi stop dead in his tracks. « Too much ? Are you hurt ? » Worry in his tone, slightly impacted by the mood.

 

This interruption got Yasuo whimpering, urging the latter to resume. « No please ! I-I need— »

 

Soon it would be over. Yi went back to the previous pace, the grasp more than slick. Beckoned Yasuo to lean into him, foreheads touching.

Before all crashed down, he yanked Yi to his body, front to front. A full body shudder shook him, sobbing his relief while climax hit him. Clung to the latter as he gave a few last thrusts, too gone to even care.

 

Once he got enough mind, he let Yi go, giving him some space. Already the burn of shame came back, stronger than ever. It stained his cheeks. _We really did it_.

When he dared to gaze at the latter, Yi was looking with some interest to his own hand, covered in white. And this just killed Yasuo. There was no limit to the entity’s interest for everything. Even that.

 

Though a bit sluggish, Yasuo scrambled to his feet and looked for tissues. _Shit shit shit_. Then he cleaned up Yi’s hand with haste, trying to eraze any proof of the latest development. The latter let him do, still silent.

 

« Was it good enough ? I hope this was to your taste. » Low, almost intimate tone in this otherwise silent room.

 

This actually had Yasuo to sit a the edge of the bed, still flustered to have received such attention from the other : « Yes, yes, it was ! I… liked it a lot. Thank you. »

 

Right now all he wanted was to lie down, take a nap. As it drained all his energy. « Yi ? Am sorry but I need to sleep. Too tired. »

 

Then he just managed to slump on the mattress, crawling just enough not to fall off.

 

« You forgot to take off your boots. And gloves. And maybe untie your hair or it will be uncomfortable. »

 

A whine answered the suggestion. _I don’t want to move…_ But Yasuo did nonetheless, chucking away his gloves and kicking off his boots. So little care for the show he must be giving at the instant, he was exhausted.

The mattress dipped and he sleepily turned in that direction, curious.

 

Yi just sat there, by his side, taking care of the hair tie.

 

« Thanks. »

 

There was little he could do as he drifted away. Just felt his hand taken and fingers laced with his. A murmur that he didn’t understand.

 

« Rest. I’ll be here when you wake up. »

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I waited 5 chapters to get to the main point and it's not even fully all I want  
> more fun will happen but mixed with some plot and more feels~


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please don't beat me, i'm too tired....
> 
> But a lot of smooch or any platonic affection for all you sweet readers <3

_Warm. Soft_. Yi tried to find the right words to describe this atmosphere. To name things, feelings was important to him, like a list of knowledge. Each new feeling was to be remembered, engraved. Just his way to assimilate.

 

Focusing on his senses, sitting in crumpled sheets, he had no real idea of how much time passed. Yasuo was still asleep, nothing interrupting his rest. The shared grasp remained, to keep contact. Even as the latter's nap sometimes resulted in low mumbling, some stirring before he settled down. In a way it soothed Yi to hear the man's breathing, proof of life. So peaceful.

 

 _Peaceful. Good word._ He noted in mentally.

 

Always hyperaware, he chose to close part of exterior signals to register everything happening in this room. Not completely apart from the universe but more present in the instant. If there was something serious happening, he would still know.

That way he could fully understand this observation, take in every tiny detail. From Yasuo's even pulse to the temperature of the room. Most information revolved around the man. Normal, Yi had taken interest for this specific individual. His very first occasion to get to know someone, in their dayly life, opinions. To be this close to a human, without being cursed, feared nor kept away.

A real dream, for him and his quest for knowledge.

 

Truly, he was thankful for all time spent talking with Yasuo. Even if at first he was drawn to him by curiosity, the man had a little something that made him stay around. Surely his character, all in show but deeply a good man. Yi would never grow close to someone genuinely evil. It was sometimes quite amusing to see Yasuo talk, make mistakes, correct himself. The intention behind was good, it just took him several attempts.

So much talk, a good deal of pride and a hint of sweetness. Not that it was on purpose, Yi doubted it. The man was just this way. Maybe that was why he appreciated being around Yasuo's kind. They were all different in infinite combinations of values, so there was always the strangest ones.

 

Yet he couldn't find the right word to what he felt toward this man. Nothing was good enough to describe it. Between gratitude, curiosity and a third thing that was so odd. Didn't really get the chance to feel something of the sort. Anyway Yi never really felt. He reserved to his kind this unconditional loyalty, they had the same purpose and motivations. For any other species, he had this kind of amazement, contemplative approach of an entity toward beings meant to die someday. It was normal, death was what made life so interesting. It happened sometimes that envy took him, for the mortals that could do anything to enjoy their temporary stay.

They lived, they died, they loved and they hated. Some were compelled to evil causes, others were dedicated to the greater good. Just like him. And a few navigated in that grey area, above the laws but guided by their heart. _Freedom_.

 

Himself was free too. No limit of space nor time. But this was the most lonely freedom to have. Yes he wasn't really alone, he had companions with the same understanding and goal. But nothing new would come from that. Once Yi came to think it was boredom, for the lack of novelty around. Not in a negative way, it was better since nothing bad happened. But he knew already everything about his kind, their reasons.

 

So he observed life, what they fought so hard to protect. His companions were all able to travel as fast, take care of matters themselves but Yi was the one always on the move, at the closest to other civilizations. Witnessed rise and fall, species flourishing then going to dust. People would forget but cosmic entities would always remember all that happened.

They all had this interest for living things, how unique each life was but Yi took it to another level.

 

Interactions with mortals weren't forbidden, rather a neutral opinion on this. They just didn't do it much except when it was needed. People hadn't any use to know there was forces beyond their understanding, beings ensuring universes safety.

Yi had stopped trying to force these encounters a long time ago, when it was clear this wasn't the best idea. Fear was strong. But he relished each time he could interact with people, see them close. Always so short glimpse but it would be enough.

 

In all the time since his creation, he kept a curious gaze on life. At least his power allowed him to see everything, learn though he couldn't ask why. Some things escaped his logic, that would require a mortal's common sense. One could observe so much yet it wasn't explained. And it would stay this way unless he came to specifically ask these people.

 

Here was why Yasuo represented so much to him, a source of infinite knowledge. For once Yi was allowed to touch, ask and even stay near without being inevitably feared. In his sleep, Yasuo clung to him and again this made him feel. No idea what.

From what he saw before, mortals held their short space dear and let only a few others come closer. At a few exceptions, of course, these boundaries changed for each person. It had a name, trust. Yi understood this too, he trusted anyone by default until they gave a reason not to. To him, it made sense that mortals would stay cautious before allowing this. They were aware that not everyone was good hearted.

In the entities case, there was no need for such precautions. Not a family but linked all the same. Unless they fell to become a dark star, they would never betray nor endanger their cause and companions.

 

It truly was a show of trust to have Yasuo let him stay here, in what would be called his most personal place and go for a nap. Sleep was an important part of life and it was critically vulnerable. So to be allowed in, it meant he represented no threat to the latter. Yi knew he wasn't stupid, he was aware how dangerous he could be and yet he curled up and went to sleep next to him. _He trusts me_.

 

Not really thinking, he responded to the grasp, thumb carressing gently warm skin. He liked that temperature, slightly above his. Technically he could stand any temperature without problem but some were more enjoyable than others. Warmth of life. Result of blood running Yasuo's body, healthy cycle. It meant everything was fine. _Warm_. That word was good too.

His other hand came to the latter's hair, burried in long white locks. Passed his fingers through it, relishing how nice it felt despite a few tangled strands. The first time he saw Yasuo, he was very confused. White hair was usually a sign of age yet everything else proved the man was young, in his twenties maybe. Always the few exceptions that left Yi thinking too much.

 

 **« Yi ? »** Quiet voice resonnating in his mind, one he knew too well.

 

« Yes, my queen ? » Almost unvoiced in the silent room, just enough to be heard by the other. Anyway he sensed Yasuo was too far to wake up now. He knew she found it rather amusing to be called that way although she never hold anyone to stick to that title. Yi was the only one keeping this homage, a habit he prefered.

 

At first a crystallin laugh answered him. Would never get tired of this one. **« Fine, my dear. But I didn't bother you to discuss this useless debate. »**

 

« What can I do for you ? Shall I join you ? »

 

Conversation were never limited between them, since each entity could hear everything as long as it was voiced. It also implied that any of the others could hear if they were paying attention to it but most of time they had their own business. Yi offered to meet Ashe, in case that was serious matter. No need to meddle mortals in that.

 

 **« No, this isn't worth the trouble. I was merely curious. For someone always on the move, to see you idle is a rare thing. »** A little playful today.

 

 _Oh, she noticed_. It happened they looked after each other, just to know. Yi was rather neutral about that, nothing to hide from the others.

 

**« Plus I would hate to have you break a promise. You swore to be here when Yasuo wake up. »**

 

Never really expected her to observe all this. Ashe must have been paying attention for a moment. He didn't know why but something felt bad about it.

 

« Yes indeed. Since when were you watching ? »

 

**« I don't really know, not so long ago. I wondered why you kept coming back here, after Lulu mentionned it. Now I understand. »**

 

Yes, Yi remembered that. When the joyful enchantress gossiped around, after noticing his odd travels.

 

It made him sigh though there was no valid reason to be annoyed by this. « And what do you understand ? »

 

Innerly he hoped this wouldn't have consequences for Yasuo. He didn't need to know someone else saw him dropping his guard. _He trusted me enough to stay but maybe not others_.

 

**« You have at least found an approachable human. It must be great for you, to get to be that close. Did you know how long it may take for them to be intimate with someone else ? »**

 

 _Intimate_. This word worked too but the meaning was deviating too much to Yi's taste. _Is it true ?_

 

« It was merely a helping hand. » Was he convincing her or himself ? Voice so low, trying not to wake up the latter.

 

**« I know yet even among his kind it's difficult to reach that point. He must be fond of you. »**

 

 _Fondness ?_ Again the question of feelings. It would explain some details but also add a lot more questions. Yi didn't know what to think about that. At the same time, there was this slight fluster to be appreciated – as an individual – but also confusion. _It wouldn't be safe for him_.

 

« Maybe so. But why give this importance ? »

 

 **« Because it matters. Always consider your actions and its potential impact on mortals. I know you're always so cautious but there are still outcomes you can't predict. »** Ashe turned more serious.

 

« I always try to do the best thing. Why should I take this possible affection into account ? Is it bad ? »

 

 **« Of course it's not bad. Let's just say it may touch you in a way you weren't expecting. »** Softer edge to her voice, soothing.

 

« What do you mean ? » He was a little lost, Ashe wasn't very clear.

 

 **« You always were the most dense of us all, along with Kassadin. Don't think too much and enjoy your time with Yasuo. »** Now she was laughing again. Not in a cruel way, just honest amusement.

 

 **« Please, don't involve me. I asked nothing. »** A third voice, way deeper.

 

 **« Sorry Kass. I never meant to bother you. »** She apologized as quick and no other words from the Reaver were heard.

 

 _Great, he was listening too_. Or maybe just jolted when he heard his name called. In any case, Yi wasn't really happy.

 

**« I will let you two at peace, I think he may wake up soon. Have fun~ »**

 

« You just made me more confused... »

 

That time, nothing answered him. They were left alone, Yasuo squirming closer on the mattress.

 

 _I don't understand_.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was really soothing to write  
> tho i don't really like being on vacations, i can't write as much and everything exhaust me xD


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> damn, i'm always so hype to write this one, such good emotions 
> 
> thanks to everyone, for reading this attempt <3

_What did she mean ?_ Before that conversation Yi was doing just fine but now there was new questions on a topic he never considered. Touched in a way he wouldn't expect. Yes there was many things he took in account to prevent any problem but why was it a question ? _Am I less good at it than I thought ?_

 

And even just the term used. _Fondness_. In what sense of the word ? There was some truth here, Yi wasn't really up to date concerning the notion of love and affection. Others would be fairly more qualified to answer and explain it, like Dawn and Dusk. These two were often referenced as the Lovers. He could have asked them but after all this time it seemed rather late. Yi wouldn't like to make a fool of himself by seeking knowledge on this topic.

Even less because as good was their link, it wasn't in any case similar to what mortals experienced. Not the same point of view.

 

Of course he knew what love was. He knew people would give up everything till their very life for it, this ideal. But all this came from observation, descriptions made by folks. Himself hadn't felt it before. If he was following logic, it would be a kind of loyalty to a very specific person, or more. Something about care. But Yi cared about everyone. _So it's not that_.

 

Why did Ashe mention it then ? This question bounced in his mind, still quietly holding Yasuo. His gaze never left the man, as if it would answer all this just by a glance. _She thinks he's fond of me_. Besides the light feeling to be important, Yi was quite puzzled. _It would explain his overall stance around me ?_ With their talks, he saw the latter react, even in details difficult to catch for his kind. At first he thought it was a reminding fear, that Yasuo still felt the muted danger of a cosmic entity. Acted like it didn't matter and maybe it was true. But what if there was a possible reason to this ? _Fondness..._ Not the exact interest Yi found in the man but another kind.

He remembered, what shape fondness took and how it was often displayed. Care, interest, attention given. It really depended on each person but he tried to find this expression like one he already saw before.

 

 _To a certain extend it would lead to..._ Yi didn't finish that thought, many images of previous observations coming to mind. Most of times it led to physical contact, to intimacy though it would vary following the nature of the link. Again this, intimacy. After what they just did in that same bedroom, Yi could indeed connect the dots. _Fondness may lead to intimacy. But is intimacy automatically the result of fondness ?_

Wondered a bit about other displays of affection, how mortals communicated that. It left him very curious to try and feel. Everything was worth to experience and this seemed enjoyable for people.

But given Yasuo's reaction just to that last 'helping', maybe it wouldn't be a good idea. It looked like a good time but afterward the latter grew bothered, nervous. _Maybe it was wrong to do_. Yi was so little affected and aware of how things were allowed, considered in these civilizations. The concept of appropriate, correct or not itself was strange for him. Why was everything meant to be judged by others ?

 

Yasuo looked bad after that, numbed a little by his need to rest. So this was a real question. What was deemed correct or not to do ? Yi would have to ask before making another request of this type. How terrible it would be to put off the latter just because of his poor understanding of social constucts. _I have to be careful with that_. Like when he was indeed helping Yasuo, the man's first reflex was to keep quiet though it just made his task a bit more difficult.

 

 _Mmmmh.... Maybe it would be interesting to do that again_. Of course, after properly asking and making sure it wouldn't bother Yasuo. To see him show such vulnerability was peculiar, small awe to witness that. This level of trust was incredible, to be able to touch in such a way. If Yi had a heart, it would be warm with this soft feeling.

 

His other hand moved to stroke Yasuo's cheek, sleepy face so serene. Touch indeed was amazing, as much as his other senses but he cherished it. Ashe wasn't wrong, the latter was rather close to wake up. Shifting a little then his eyes opened slowly, trying to focus. Their grasp also received a small tightening, as reflex.

Still numb from this nap, Yasuo moved very slowly. His other hand joined Yi's over his cheek, to nuzzle his face in it. Just this, curling up again till he was in a sort of ball, knees bumping against his guest.

 

So Yi watched this, a bit surprised to find this display not so unlike what animals did in a safe situation. Funny to see that no matter what species, life always came back to the same habits. Stay close to contact, keep warmth.

 

 _Adorable_. This was a mere statement. Yi thought this was a fitting scene for this word, not having found yet the right situation to use it.

 

 _Is he going back to sleep ?_ Simple question, since Yasuo seemed to settle back in a comfortable position to resume his nap. It would be no matter, glad to stay by his side anyway.

 

~

 

This was a kind of soft heaven, really. Yasuo's nap not always gave such fulfilling rest, good luck today. He could lie down here and not give a single fuck about the rest. Mind still blurry but he recovered.

Then he remembered. And realized his situation.

 

_YI !_

 

Not that he really forgot the latter's presence here, in his bed but maybe yes, a little. In a second his eyes blinked open, taking away Yi's hand that he seemed to have been holding all this time.

 

_Shit !_

 

Not only that but he had been peacefully nuzzling Yi's hand. Not once it felt wrong. For missing so much contact with someone else, it played a trick on himself. So in short haste he sat up on the mattress after putting some respectable distance between them. All this screamed that he took advantage of him, first the hand job then this. Yasuo just wished to be killed on the spot.

 

No question yet, Yi withdrew in silence though he gazed at him with that typical head tilt.

 

« You...You're still here ? » His panick showed slightly but he tried to muffle it.

 

« Of course I am. Since you asked, I guess you didn't hear when I said I would stay during your rest. »

 

At least there was nothing threatening in Yi's tone, maybe he didn't fuck up so bad. Or the latter wasn't aware of it.

 

« I don't remember... »

 

« It's not your fault, surely you really needed to sleep. »

 

« 'Kay. »

 

It ended up awkward, Yasuo more than nervous on his spot in the sheets. _I must apologize_. His face burned for having been so quick to surrend, nearly jumping the latter. He let this happen.

 

« You're being distressed again. Calm down, everything is fine. » Not a surprise that Yi picked up this change of behavior, with such sharp senses.

 

« No, it's wrong. I'm sorry ! » Face lowered in shame.

 

At first a short pause then Yi spoke on a gentle tone : « You're still stuck on that ? There is nothing to be sorry about. Your body reacted that way and I should have seen that coming. »

 

« But it doesn't excuse what I had you to do.... »

 

« You're scared you forced me to do this ? »

 

Quiet nod, daring to make eye contact again. As it seemed to go Yi wasn't upset nor disgusted, good thing.

 

« I think we're both aware of the concept of free will. I do what I wish, with the limit put by others's freedom. In no way you forced me to give you relief. And I doubt you'd ever be able to force me to anything. » Ending on a small laugh, good hearted.

 

« Still, it's not correct. I shouldn't use you for this... »

 

« I must admit there are things I don't fully understand. Why would this matter so much to you ? You treat it like it was an unthinkable act, priceless or shameful. All I can say is that I enjoyed it, to satisfy your need. Don't feel so bad about it. »

 

_But....._

 

« That's not really fair for you, in my opinion. You can't understand what you agreed to. I mean, sexual stuff isn't something shared so freely. »

 

Yasuo's fluster went on, for keeping on this topic. The latter's quest for knowledge sure was interesting sometimes but now it was difficult to answer.

 

« Do you regret letting me see this ? Am I the problem ? »

 

« No ! It's...not that. Like, it really depends, some likes to fuck whoever they can and without any fear of public. I prefer to keep that a bit private. I don't mind you saw that, helped me out. But know that I wouldn't do that stuff with anyone. »

 

This made Yi more confused, no doubt. Just made him silent, trying to understand. Yasuo wanted to smack himself, for never finding the right sentence to explain himself. _Fuck_.

 

« So I'm not anyone, per your words ? »

 

 _Ehhhhhhhhhhhhhh why must I call out myself like this ???_ The blush intensified, mind racing not to reveal too much. Not like he was really aware what he felt but answering Yi would make light on ugly things he didn't want to explore.

 

« Well, it's complicated ! I have no idea. Like, I trust you, don't seem the type of guy to make fun of me after it. But I don't know shit about you.... It's a mess, sorry. »

 

 _Wish I did know more about him, though_.

 

More silence, staring. Yi was thinking so much but he could guess nothing of it. Innerly he hoped it wasn't too weird to hear.

 

At last he spoke, a whisper so unsure : « Yasuo. Are you fond of me ?

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aha  
> panick will wait next chapter


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aye aye! what are feels? we just don't know
> 
> big hug for every reader, thank youuuuuuuuuuu <3

_WHAT ? Where did that come from ??_

 

This made less sense as they were discussing.

 

« Wha—Why are you asking this ?? » Goodbye to any chance to stay calm, Yasuo was too panicked about what he potentially said before.

 

In no way Yi would be asking this out of the blue, surely he said something that caught his attention. But the true question remained, yes or no ? _I don't know ! Yes ??_ It was asked like some kind of peculiar interest. Maybe Yi didn't chose the right word or anything else.

Yasuo felt his self-control slipping. Heart going crazy just because he was asked something too personnal. Possibility that it was just a misunderstanding.

 

« After a conversation we came to this statement. Do you agree ? » This wasn't a light topic even for Yi, he sounded serious about it.

 

« We ?? Like, you talked with someone else and you thought that ?? »

 

 _Why me........... ?_ It was getting ridiculous, lot of confusion and distress. Why was he even reacting like this ? It would give away how true it was yet he refused.

 

« Shhhhhhh don't panick. » Yi reached for him, hand over his thigh to soothe. « I merely spoke with our queen. She was just a little curious about my unusual returns here. And so the topic drifted toward you. »

 

Contact helped slightly but he was still on edge. _Ah !_ Now here he was, having caught the attention of another goddess. _Please I asked nothing of it_.

 

« Why would you talk about this ? » Trying to understand this interest given to his possible feelings.

 

« This was her opinion on why you allowed me so close. Your kind doesn't seem very keen on letting others stay for too long. Or even share intimacy. »

 

Next reaction came under the form of a strangled noise, choking on his breath. Truth was harsh sometimes, it left Yasuo bare under the latter's gaze. _I'm so fucked_.

 

« You think I... 'let' you help me because I'm fond of you ? » Now he was blushing something fierce, eyes looking anywhere but at Yi. Not even thinking about it, he fidgeted, hands restless at his sides. After all, he was still half naked, in bed, his heart to be seen.

 

 _Am I so obvious ?_ It was a known fact everyone could easily read him like a book and no wonder what it would take for a cosmic entity just to glance at his soul.

Yasuo himself wasn't sure yet about what he felt, if fondness was the right word at all. But it hit dangerously close. Now that he had the proof Yi turned him on without meaning to.

 

« Maybe. Her hypothesis, anyway. On my part, I'm curious about what is really up. As you said, I'm not anyone so there must be truth somewhere. »

 

 _Completely fucked_.

 

« I don't know.... » Yasuo wanted to hide but he already was in his room. Maybe a tactical retreat outside would be a good idea but it meant getting dressed again.

 

« You don't know if it's true ? » There wasn't a lot in the tone as usual but a tad of sadness came up. « So I guess it was another mistake. »

 

« No, that's not... » Defeated sigh, he gathered some courage to address the matter : « I can't really say if it's true. There is something but....words just don't come to describe it. »

 

Small time of contemplation from Yi. He looked deep in thoughts, his grasp of foreign concepts learning little by little. « I understand this. In all time I tried to find the right word to describe every single feeling. But some are more troubling to identify. »

 

 _Oh. So he feels too_. Not the moment he expected to get this answer but it was nice to know.

 

« That's a bit fucked up to explain but yeah. Anyway, why would it matter for you ? »

 

Indeed, why would Yi even care about potential feelings. Himself wasn't planning to do something with it, too confusing to even explore.

Silence came back, it seemed that it wasn't an easy question. The latter looked aside, searching.

 

« I have never felt it before. Love, affection, these bonds shared with other persons. So when I hear you possibly started nurturing this kind of feelings, I become curious. About how it must be, to hold someone close to one's heart. »

 

Better – or worse – than what Yasuo expected from him. It sounded so incredibly odd, that Yi hadn't felt this before. As human, all emotions were known from tender age, it was part of life. Made him wonder again what was the extent of these entities's emotions. _No love ? No....attraction ?_ Crazy, to imagine not being a slave to useless crushes and all the sadness that came with it. Some people would pay for this, peculiar freedom.

A twinge to the heart, to hear Yi never felt that before, when himself started to fall.

 

« You can't love ? Any of you gods and else ? » Question turning shy, this seemed to be a touchy topic though nothing in the latter's behavior showed discomfort.

 

« I never said that. It's just I never had the occasion to feel love toward anyone. In no way my personal case is an example of my kind. »

 

« Oh so you're the exception ? I don't know, others already loved but you hadn't before ? »

 

At this Yi looked down, gaze to the ground in a fashion so similar to mortals. A sigh let out. « I...I'm maybe not the only one. But some of us were already blessed by this opportunity to love. Their own experiences are different one by the others so I don't have just one retelling of this feeling. I can only watch, hear and make suppositions. »

 

 _That's sad...._ It was present in Yi's tone, the yearning to know this feeling. Beyond simple curiosity. Even more if he heard some of his companions talk about it. In a rush of empathy, he took the latter's hand, previously resting on his thigh. Easy to do and maybe it could help.

 

« Even between all of you ? Then what's it ? I mean, there are several kinds of love, family affection is one. What do you share ? »

 

« It counts as love ? »

 

And this came out so innocently, like a child discovering a new thing. _Oh gods, cute_.

 

« Yes, of course ! So I take it as you share something with them ? »

 

« Loyalty. That's what I always thought of it. But I do value them, they're important to me. »

 

« See ? It works. You care about them and it's as important than other form of affection, like romantic love. »

 

It warmed his heart to explain this, tell that Yi already knew love in a way he hadn't considered. Taught him something.

 

« Such as your potential feelings toward me, am I right ? »

 

« Ehhhhhhhhhhhh I don't know ! Well, yes, I thinks it's more like romantic partners and stuff but..... » Another rush of panick, uncertain as ever on his own feelings. « Yeah, defintely not like family. Or friends. »

 

Suddenly his gaze found everything interesting to stare at except Yi. He reached for the pillow not far and hugged it, face hidden. _Why ? Do we have to discuss this ?? I'm not ready !_

Not his most smart move but sometimes a man needed to take a break and do dumb things.

 

« You don't like this topic. We can change, if that makes you too uncomfortable. »

 

« No no, it's fine. Just not always I got to talk of my feelings while it's not even definite. Even less since you're the one concerned and you sound so chill about this. »

 

Words slightly muffled by the pillow, it prompted Yi to take it down. That way they would talk face to face. Yasuo pouted a little but complied.

 

« You think I don't give this the importance it deserves. But I do. »

 

« Ha, you're not the one having to admit unrequited feelings. »

 

Another pause, Yi registering his words. « So you think I don't return it ? »

 

Yasuo would believe if that was possible but it wasn't. Not even sure what he exactly felt for the latter but from the start he knew it wouldn't even become something real.

 

« You just said you never felt that kind of love before. Don't give me that pity look by compassion. » Shaky sigh, talking with an open heart was exhausting. « Listen, this means nothing. Just a start of affection or who-knows what kind of crush. I guess it's normal, always been stupid enough to fall for the least attainable. »

 

Words heavy with emotion yet there wasn't much to do. Never made illusions about what could be.

 

« That's right, I never loved before. But I still care about you. I feel already honored by the trust you gave me, to be allowed that close. To be intimate. »

 

 _Care_. It could mean everything. Yasuo's mind burned a little on that last word though, intimacy. Shame for having his hands up the latter with such eagerness, for using him despite how many times he gave consent and explained his own enjoyment.

This was a terrible mix of signals, he didn't know what to think. But it was clear it wasn't returned and it would never be, no matter what Yi said.

It stung but Yasuo would try to seem unaffected. In no way it should interfere with their talks, discovery of their knowledge.

 

« I'm sorry for that one. »

 

« And again I shall remind you it was my choice. Now, tell me what I can do, you sound sad. »

 

« There is nothing you can do. Sometimes we are sad, it will pass. »

 

Truth. But as always it didn't seem to satisfy Yi. He took Yasuo's hand back to their previous grasp and closed distance between them. At first he flinched before forcing himself to relax. It still felt nice to share contact.

 

« Maybe I'm wrong but I see that I upset you. Because you feel something for me that isn't returned in the same way. But I wish I could. »

 

 _What ?_ Still that small spark of hope but Yasuo would rather to see it smothered.

 

« What do you mean ? »

 

« I can't say I love yet, because I never felt it. How do I know if I'm in love if I never experienced it before ? For now the closest I came to is the care and interest for you. »

 

 _Strange but I guess it makes sense. He can't be sure_. But it was sweet to hear. Maybe the first mortal Yi cared about.

 

« So I'm lucky. » Smiled despite the reminding sadness. There was still good things.

 

« Not a question of fortune, in my opinion. I don't think our link would have worked with anyone. As I said before, you're special. »

 

Healed the sting, he would never be able to be mad at Yi. It seemed impossible.

 

Before he could say something, the latter added : « You know, if these feelings of yours caught my attention, it's because I'm curious. About how your kind communicate affection to one another. I wish to feel that too. »

 

« But what about me specifically ? » Almost choke, this was very touching and personal.

 

« I want you to show me. What love feels like, in every physical way to express it. Of course, I understand it may not be a good idea to ask to anyone but since you already seemed to trust me enough to come here, I hoped. »

 

 _Every physical way...._ Here went his reason, thrown by the window and falling into space. This could mean anything depending on what Yi had in mind and the gods knew what he thought. Yasuo would never dare to imagine. Could be shameful, or overly sweet.

But in either case it felt wrong, something stuck within him.

 

« I can't...I won't. »

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I STRUGGLED, OKAY? I HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO REACH A CERTAIN POINT IN THE FEELS  
> boys will need some time to think about it  
> how does this mess even work???? is it coherent????


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm back in my cave, updates should be more frequent!!
> 
> big hug to each reader, ilu!!!

« Oh. Then it's fine. I apologize, I guess this wasn't correct to ask. »

 

Yi was fast to withdraw, caution always present in his requests and reactions. To see such care was nice but in any way Yasuo was relieved. _He doesn't understand why_.

Restless, unease for this topic that last too long.

 

« No, you don't get it. » It didn't sit well with him but how could he explain it to someone from outside ? Even staying in their reduced distance felt a bit wrong now that the request was made.

 

« Then explain to me, please. This seemed to be a great idea yet everything in your reaction tell me otherwise. »

 

« I can't, as simple as that. This is wrong. »

 

« But why ? If you already feel something alike affection toward me, it wouldn't be difficult to show me how it's displayed. Or not ? »

 

Explaining one's bad feeling about something sure was hard. Yasuo wished to end this discussion, it started to hurt back. But at the same time it wasn't really Yi's fault, he was trying to understand, not make mistakes.

 

« Because affection, love, all this is meant to be showed and returned. It's mutual. Or if it's not, then there shouldn't be any attempt in the first place. You can't ask me to give when it will never be returned ! » Words, fleeing one after the other, straight from his heart. That was his frustration from the request, it didn't take in count his own feelings. _Not his fault_.

 

« What if I return it ? If that's the real matter, I can fully give back everything received. »

 

« No. It's easy to say and act but it means nothing without the intent. You can't....ask me to endure that while yourself don't mean the slightest bit of it. »

 

« To endure... ? I though it would be enjoyable for you. That was the point. Give you attention while I learn new things. »

 

It squeezed his heart to hear that. Yi never meant to harm but in the end he did. Right now this difference of knowledge was like a barrier, a gap.

 

A strong no, shaking his head : « It doesn't work like that. I guess some people wouldn't give a shit about it, take any kind of affection given but I don't. It's supposed to be nice but I can't take something fake. »

 

 _Not from him_.

 

Yi stayed silent, head tilted to a side but this time it wasn't sweet confusion. Easy to guess he was trying his hardest to make sense out of this but struggled so much. « How would it be fake ? »

 

« Because you don't return the feelings I have. You say you want to, I don't know ? Please me ? But in the end it's just empty gestures. And it hurts.... »

 

« Ah.... » There was a kind of worry, fear in the latter's tone as he jolted closer, reaching for Yasuo. « I'm sorry, I never wanted to harm you. I understand, it's definitely incorrect to ask. Will you forgive me ? »

 

Even to see Yi apologizing so genuinely couldn't calm him down, sadness now deeply rooted in his chest. Without a doubt it touched both of them, since the latter was able to sense every light emotion. Great empathy that impacted him in return.

 

« You're forgiven. But now go away. Please. »

 

For the very first time Yasuo couldn’t bear the latter’s presence, heavy reminder in the back of his mind. A lot had been said while he wasn’t even coming in term with his own feelings. This shouldn’t be discussed with the concerned person, not when himself just acknowledged it.

Prefered to see him gone for now, for his sake and Yi’s. Thinking aloud without any chance to be ready was difficult. And he needed time to soothe the sting. _Hope he won’t get mad at me for this_. It was for the better, for both.

 

Following their conversation, it took Yi a short time to register that last demand. « Very well. » Blank tone, polite. Immediately he took his distances with Yasuo, hands back to his sides. « My apologies, for this poor choice of topic. »

 

Then he was indeed gone. Evaporated. Only proof of his presence here were Yasuo’s memories. _Ah…._ Sudden sadness washing over him, merciless. He shouldn’t feel like that but there was something missing. Innerly he had been expecting to talk more about it, that maybe Yi would ask further to understand.

It didn’t make sense to think that. He just asked the latter to go away and he did, why didn’t it feel right ?

 

At last he was alone, still in bed, in the agonizing silence. _I asked for it_. But did he really want that ? Now sure he would have time to think about his feelings. _Yi is gone_. Of course he was. Possibly Yasuo was waiting for more talk, as paradoxical as it was. To let out what weighed his heart. Looked like in any case he wouldn’t be happy with the result. The tension was gone but it left place to solitude.

 

Long sigh for this mess of emotions that made no sense. _I’ll take a shower, maybe it will help_.

 

~

 

For the hygiene part, yes it improved. But it did nothing to appease his worry, sadness, whatever that was. Yasuo per usual couldn’t get the latter out of his thoughts but this time for less happy reasons. Despite everything, he enjoyed Yi’s company. Sending him away so abruptly wasn’t smart, contrary to each previous meeting.

 

Yasuo wandered a bit in the ship, deep in thoughts. After running into none of the other two, he realized how late it was. _They’re sleeping already ?_ Good for him, it was some peace not to be bothered. Also, it highlighted how fucked up was his own sleep schedule. _The nap was a mistake. All this was a mistake_.

 

Quick visit to the kitchen to grab something to eat. That was where he found a very busy Malphite going through their snack stock.

 

« Hey. Guess I’m not the only one with shit sleep habits. While you’re at it, gimme some too. »

 

A thud as the other managed to find what they seeked. « Two last. » One was given to Yasuo.

 

« Okay, guess we count Jinx out of it. Gonna need to buy food soon. »

 

So they ate in silence, Malphite giving several questionning glance. Yasuo didn’t really notice, back in his thoughts. Always focused on Yi and his own actions, words. Already regrets came back.

 

At some point the latter got enough of it and poked Yasuo to make him react : « Sad ? » But in fact his strenght made each small move harder than intended. So it sure took him out of this melancholia.

 

« No, mind your own business. » He wouldn’t be mad at Malphite, buddy just noticed and tried to help. « Need to be alone. »

 

Finished quickly then he returned to his room after a small good night for a confused Malphite.

 

It was only when the door closed behind him that he felt that pang of sadness. Even temporarly, talking to someone else was nice. But here he was, alone again. Nothing to distract him of their discussion.

 

Yasuo flopped on his bed, automatically pulling the blanket to cover himself. No mind for his clothes. _Tired…._ Not physically but in a deeper way. Mental exhaustion. Why before it wasn’t so harsh to be far from Yi ? He knew there would be more talk later. But now he wasn’t even sure about that. Yasuo wanted to talk again but at the same time he didn’t. A change of topic would possibly make things as it was before.

Lied in bed, clutching the sheets as he gazed into nothing.

 

 _I’m so stupid_. He had been that close to experience affection from Yi, and all that could be meant in his words. But refused, for his opinion on this request. Now that he could think about it calmly, Yasuo regretted his words. To have rejected an offer that indeed would have made him happy. For a little while though.

Truly a complex matter, part of him seeked anything from Yi but another part ached at the idea of something empty. What was worth it ? An illusion of love or nothing ? It could potentially hurt him on the long run but at least he would have known how it felt.

 

Return to the real tragedy of the day. _He doesn’t love me_. Words echoing in his mind, no rest. Well, it wasn’t so easy. Yi insisted he couldn’t love because he hadn’t felt it before. So it left a window of opportunity. But deeply Yasuo was convinced it would never work.

 

 _I didn’t even considered actually having feelings_. He could have known it was coming, aware of his extraordinary ability to get into complicated situations like an idiot. Yi was special to him from the start. Now that he mentionned it, details made sense. From his own reactions, betrayals, illogical panicks.

If really he didn’t feel anything for Yi, he wouldn’t have let him take off his clothes. And what happened next. It still brought a dark blush to his face, thinking about the pleasure taken. How good it was yet he tried so hard not to enjoy it fully. _I wish we could have done more_. Because despite how bad he felt about the circumstances, it had been good. And it involved Yi.

 

Then there was his feelings, added to this new sexual attraction. When the latter asked to see every possible way to communicate affection through action, it could have meant more heated ways too. Yasuo knew he shouldn’t be fooled, the cosmic entity knew about sex. Even more since he had centuries, millenia to observe, learn about it.

In no way that request was limited to ‘innocent’ displays. So it would have been sweetly enjoyable for him.

 

 _But he wouldn’t mean any of it_. A tear managed to escape but Yasuo payed no mind to it. The mood indeed was sad but he wouldn’t cry about it. Just considered what happened and how it changed things. No panick at all. But rather emptiness, slow sorrow gnawing his heart.

A crush wasn’t a discovery for him, Yasuo had already plenty of experience with that. It was nice, fuzzy feelings then it would fade away little by little. This one was particularly painful, since they had a direct conversation about it. He genuinely hoped it was just a crush, nothing more. If it was to last longer, stay, then it would hurt so much.

 

 _Please let this be a crush_. Not that he regretted the target of such affection, Yi was oddly right in his soft spot for gentle-and-strong guy. He wasn’t the problem. But for Yasuo’s own tranquility and happiness, he would rather these feelings left soon. No reason to water hopes that would give nothing. And it would hurt so much just to wait.

 

 _Why would he even want to get stuck with someone like me ?_ It was already a miracle to have this peculiar link, to chat and share knowledge. A god, talking with a mortal.

 

Yasuo didn’t consider himself defeatist but there was nothing good to look forward to. _Stop thinking about him_. Then maybe his heart would get bored of it and lose interest in an impossible romance.

 

_Why always me ?_

 

Only respite, when sleep took him. Just to get more troubled dreams.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> still not sure how to fill the gaps but i'm on a track  
> for now there will be slight angst but things will get better~ THIS IS NOT A SLOW BURN FOR NOTHING, NAH


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> jhfjhfjhjdh this is taking me so long to write, send heeeeeeeeeeeeeelp
> 
> thank you for styaing, it means a lot to me <3

These following days were odd. By that, different of their dayly life on the Morning Star since Yi started to pay visit after visit. Indeed, he didn’t come back since Yasuo asked him to go away.

 

It had been strange at first, not to see this peculiar entity at the captain’s side, both retired in one of the quiet places of the ship. Himself indeed felt the change because everytime he was the one to call Yi, an invitation to come. Then it shifted slowly to a habit, the latter coming by around the same time when he saw Yasuo unbusied. From this point it was silently stated that they would talk once he came to his meditation spot.

 

So Yi had stopped appearing on the ship. Stark contrast to everyday routine, they almost had a special time dedicated to these meeting.

 

At first Yasuo wondered if the latter was just busy somewhere, maybe he would come back at another time. Strange to feel so alone when he could simply walk outside his room and seek some useless fight with Jinx. _I miss him_. Even more since their discussion.

Wanted to see him gone to think by himself but it resulted in a sad feeling, emptiness. It showed how much he held him close to his heart, despite knowing very well that it wasn’t requited. Regrets for pushing him away, not the nicest way to do so but at the moment he was worked up.

 

 _I should apologize_.

 

Not the right mood though. He just stayed in bed, tangled in the blanket. Sometimes got up to let their small companion out of the room. At least one of them was sociable.

Innerly he still hoped Yi would be free to come here soon, just to go back to less overwhelming topics. As long as they avoided talking his feelings.

If that day was doomed to be spent in his room then so be it. It would be a good occasion to worsen his sleep schedule, by napping when he could.

 

By next day Yasuo knew something was wrong. Yi could have come way sooner than that if he wanted. Again, loneliness was too bothering. _He’s mad at me ?_ Unlikely yet he kept thinking about what could explain this absence.

To talk with Yi was always entertaining and he learned many things. But now he wasn’t here. Another reason to act gloomy, wandering in the ship. Played more often with the lizard or whatever species it was, the only one who couldn’t talk nor judge him.

 

 _Oh. Maybe he’s waiting to be called before coming ?_ It took him so long just to think that. Quiet epiphany. Would make sense, since before Yi was always waiting for a sign to come around. When it wasn’t a habit yet.

And knowing a bit of the latter, it could be true. So polite and cautious, he would rather not come than to barge in when unwelcomed. After their latest words exchanged, possible.

 _I told him to go away._ But for how long ? Since he never specified the time, Yi must have taken it as warning to leave for long.

 

If that hypothesis was true, then it was up to Yasuo just to call him and everything would be fine. But again he was held back. _He took it wrong, maybe_. _Or don’t want to come anymore_. There was so much possibilities and not many very happy ones.

Not like he literally shut his door to the latter’s face but it was similar.

 

But most than anything, Yasuo was scared, creeping thought. What if he called Yi and he didn’t answer nor came ? It was always better to give it a try, at least to be sure but he feared the non-answer. Like talking into the void.

 

 _Please, I didn’t mean to push away_.

 

Feelings were hard to understand and even more to express. Without a doubt he made a mistake during their conversation and it passed as a rough refusal. But at the moment he was the one being refused. Oh, all this was complicated. Both drawn to Yi and decided not to go too far or it would hurt.

 

_Yi ?_

 

~

 

Late – if that really showed since in space time never seemed to pass – the perfect occasion to sneak in the kitchen again. Surely the other two had already noticed how absent he was for some time, a ghost in the ship. But he disliked the idea of staying nearby Jinx, she would just find a reason to mock him. More than she already did, anyway.

On his way Yasuo found their tiny companion, who jumped of joy at his sight. So he had company for this late exploration.

 

Still lost in his thoughts, idly playing with the lizard as he considered his whole life. Deep sigh, slumping against the table. _What am I doing ?_

Always the same question, would it be right to call Yi, at the risk of breaking his own heart in case of silence ?

 

« Any idea to help me ? » Small mumbling adressed to the only living being with him. His companion blinked a few times, make a cute face of would be confusion.

 

There wouldn’t be any help from it but sometimes he liked to let his thoughts out loud.

 

**« Are you done sulking ? »**

 

« What the fuck ?? » So surprised by that voice, without a real source nearby. High-pitched, even more than Jinx’s so it wasn’t her. Yasuo looked around, startled.

 

Then appeared from nowhere a small being, floating in the kitchen. _What is that…. ?_ Unlike any species he ever met before but the general aura it gave was alike Yi’s. All in soothing blue tones, sparkles and foreign shape. But that one didn’t even look like an human, like Yi did in some parts.

Oversized hat – or hood ? - pointy hears, long braids and a sort of mask that still let to see half the face.

 

Silence in the kitchen as he stared bewildered at the newcomer, trying to understand what it was. _Another god or whatever ?_ Rather a goddess, from the sound of the voice but he was never sure. It was too different from any other tone.

And oh, at their side was another smaller creature, around the same size than the lizard. But this one floated too, or was it flying ? Hell did he know, it was already more than hallucinating to meet two different cosmic entities in the same life.

 

It looked like silence wasn’t to the latter’s taste : « Hey ! I asked you something ! Don’t ignore me ! »

 

« What do you want me to say ?? I thought I was alone. Who are you ? » Despite the strange circumstances, he relaxed a little with that fall of tension. The other didn’t look really threatening.

 

« Oh, I guess I should have introduced myself. I’m Lulu, humble enchantress, at your service ! And this cute noodle is Aurelion Smol, my friend. » As she indicated her companion. Indeed it wore its name very well.

 

« She, I guess ? I don’t know how all of you folks like to be refered as. » Just to be clear and correct, per usual.

 

« Why does that even matter ? Yes, a she. But I’m not here for that. » She looked at him expectantly but in no way her stance was similar to Yi’s.

 

« What do you want from me ? You’re one of Yi’s friends ? »

 

« Yes, that’s why I’m here ! » In one instant she dashed toward him, all in fuzzy interest. « I came to see you. »

 

« To see me… ? » At such close distance, Yasuo felt a bit of fear. He still had no idea what such a tiny being could do but if he trusted what he learned about her kind, she could do anything. A small cute goddess.

 

Lulu turned around him, heavy gaze never leaving him though he couldn’t see it. Then small hands on his face, soft touch like a child. « You. The reason our dear Yi comes back here. Do you really think we wouldn’t notice how you’re keeping him ‘busy’ in the same place ? » Said without an ounce of negativity, a mere statement though slightly mischievous.

 

_SHIT_

 

« I-I have no idea why. » Not very true, Yasuo was aware Yi came back here many times. But there was no malicious intent behind that, not trying to keep him. _I wish though_.

 

« Be honest or not, in any case I understand why he changed his habits. » Interested gaze on Yasuo, watching every detail. She looked like finding something worth her attention.

 

« Why ? » Not a lot he could say, he was at the moment under a thorough observation. Like an animal but for now it wasn’t over the limit. Hoped she wouldn’t keep going for hours.

 

« Don’t act so modest, I know for sure you’re rather on the opposite side. Because you are a splendid specimen and we’re curious. Of course, I’ll pass on the fact that you’re reckless bordering stupidity sometimes but I get why Yi took you as his own. »

 

 _His own ???_ There was too many things at once, from the compliments to this charming slap to the ego.

 

« Hey, I’m not stupid….But what do you mean by ‘his own’ ? »

 

« His own mortal. To focus his attention on, learn new things from, talk. Maybe you don’t know but we rarely interact that much with a same individual. » Followed by a broad smile.

 

Yasuo couldn’t really tell if she was indeed so joyful or if there was a façade. But looking at her, she seemed innocent and genuine.

 

« Okay, I guess. » _So it wasn’t what I thought_. Good for his heart, he could let himself calm down for useless implicit.

 

« Oh, were you expecting another answer ? » That smile got wider and just this indicated how much she knew.

 

_No….I’m fucked…_

 

« No ! Not at all ! »

 

Lulu floated nearby, a watchful gaze on him while she looked deep in thoughts : « All I can say is that Yi have good taste. It would be so much fun to take you to talk like that, discover so many things. Would you like that ? »

 

« Errrrrr…. Why would I do that ?? » This sounded so much like a mind game and Yasuo got a little panicked, not very fond of the possible end.

 

**« Lulu ! Leave him alone. »**

 

« Hey ! It was just a joke ! I would never do that to you. » Then she went in a fit of laugh, a sound that reminded her peers.

 

At first Yasuo wasn’t really aware of the interval, that a third party arrived in the talk.

 

**« This didn’t look like a joke. Stop bothering him. »**

 

Short sigh, some fondness. « You need to work on that humor detector. Relax Yi, I’m not trying to take him away. I just wanted to see him. »

 

 _What ?_ The whole situation was surreal, Yasuo felt like missing something important. _Yi ?_

 

« Wait, you’re talking to him right now ?? He’s here ? »

 

« No, not exactly. But we can talk anywhere. » Another smile offered to him before she faced another direction. « For someone worrying so much, you’re quite far of the one you look after. »

This time her tone was more serious, quiet question.

 

It squeezed Yasuo’s heart. Yi was looking after him, when he thought he was alone for days. _So he didn’t come on purpose ?_

 

**« This is not your business. Let us be. »**

 

« I can’t hear him but can he ? » Turning a little emotional, yearning for Yi.

 

« Of course. Anything. If we want to pay attention to something or someone, we hear it all. » As she petted Aurelion Smol, earning a purr.

 

Hearbeat going crazy, he still gathered enough courage to speak up clearly : « Yi ? When will you come back ? »

 

For a time silence stretched, filling the room. Yasuo kept an insistent gaze on Lulu, waiting for her to tell the other’s words.

 

« What did he say ? »

 

She lingered a little in the same direction, like gazing at the horizon except it met the kitchen wall. « Nothing. He said nothing. Yi ? »

 

Here came pain, rough jab. The silence he wished never to find. _He doesn’t want…_

 

**« He wanted to see me gone. And didn’t call for me afterward. »**

 

« Yi…. » Her voice was soft, a whisper that the three of them could only hear. No longer smiling. « But right now he’s asking to. Why are you like this ? Why are you scared ? »

 

Yasuo couldn’t hear the other part of the conversation but it didn’t seem very happy, from Lulu’s reaction. And her words.

 

**« ….I hurt him. »**

 

« Well, he looks fine for now. Why don’t you come around ? » Then she turned to Yasuo : « Tell him. »

 

More panick, words getting mixed up before he would form a proper sentence. « Yi ? I would like to…to talk again. Come here ? »

 

Silence settled back for a short time, each second hurting Yasuo a little more. Fear that Yi would refuse.

Lulu too was staying here, waiting patiently an answer or anything from the latter.

 

Then it was like Yasuo’s inner pleas were answered. Yi materialized in the room quietly, face lowered before he turned to see him.

Couldn’t have been more relieved to see someone ever. Yasuo’s heart jumped at the sight, himself standing up though he didn’t know what to do. The mood wasn’t specially happy, nor bad. Just muffled emotions.

 

Without thinking he stepped to join Yi, reaching.

 

 _He came_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I WAS HYPED FOR THIS, OKAY? now it's gonna be still a little quiet before things go nut again, harder  
> i need lseep


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ayyyyyyyyyyy IT'S TOO FUCKING HOT HERE, HELP
> 
> thanks for keeping up, ilu!!! <3

Four days. It wasn’t that long to Yi’s perception of time. A drop compared to all he saw since his creation. Yet these particular four days passed as an eternity. Each hour, minute going while he watched from afar, a strange kind of agitation. Attention and thoughts focused on Yasuo.

 

Oh of course it never interfered with his own duty. When he was needed somewhere, he went and all was done for the best. But the thoughts remained, following this one mortal. Had never really left since he started talking with him.

Used never to idle too much, Yi kept making his way through space and universes. The only difference was the object of his concern.

 

Even in the quiet times – when it occured which was rather rare – it overtook his inner peace. Worry, confusion, self-discipline. Over and over he played again the memory of their last conversation. Especially how it ended.

Yasuo had sent him away. Might be the very first time he was ordered to leave. Well yes he was sure it was the first one, for he could never forget. Again a flash of pain. Yi winced. They were subject to pain but in a fairly ridiculous amount compared to each other life form. Physical pain wasn’t bothering, high tolerance. But it was most ‘effective’ mentally. Inner torture.

 

Emotions happened and pain too. For each one of them, with some nuance by the other. Yi didn’t feel – or at least expressed – emotion but instead mental pain was very often. Not his own but a reflection of people’s pain. He didn’t have all the tools to fully understand mortals but pain was the first thing he could sense from them. It made him good at his mission, able to detect the smallest anomaly in universes to restore balance. On the other hand, it meant suffering it, with several levels. People’s pain was his, because he would never really have his own. Lucky one.

 

So when Yasuo and him got this discussions about feelings, it cut deep. _I hurt him_. That was the latter’s words, no lies. And he even felt it too, how the man sounded upset.

The opposite of his purpose in life, do no harm. Yet he hurt Yasuo without even wanting to. _I still have much to learn_. It would have prevented this sad outcome. Thinking again and again about his already over moment wasn’t useless, he tried to understand his wrongs. Question again, analyze, think.

 

The thing was, he didn’t have much experience actually talking with mortals. Not for so long. Not for such topics. Yi could make suppositions from what he observed before and hope the result would be good. But there was something in people’s societies, norms to respect, subjects not to explore, etc. Silent etiquette, not even questioned because it was part of each culture. A concept Yi had troubles getting used to. Of he knew everything he could, from written sources. But there was still things he couldn’t grasp properly without having a full conversation with someone.

 

Psychology in fact was a dangerous yet interesting field. To understand how people thought, reacted and how experiences build them as individual. So it was nothing physical. Exactly what Yi couldn’t observe except with advanced knowledge offered by books. And others written work, as long as it was engraved somewhere to be read and remembered.

Yi could just try, trust what he learned and maybe he would be right. Mortals often had this specific feeling, instinct to follow without reason. Himself ? Not so much. Maybe something tied to survival, so it wouldn’t be part of his own set. Instead he relied on every senses, mostly sight. To understand.

 

The instant he was dismissed, Yi got an echo of pain. Surely Yasuo had his share of pent-up emotions and it was the result of his questions. _I pushed too far_. Too sensitive topic. Thinking again, it made sense. People gave lot of importance to feelings and didn’t discuss it with anyone. Warmth coming up at Yasuo’s admission. _Not anyone…_ To feel unique was indeed peculiar. Again it came back to the latter’s feelings toward him. So it was affection indeed though it was just a start.

By that, Yi was quite happy. Never really happened that someone felt such a thing for him. A mortal even less. This one. The concept was strange yet amazing. Someone felt positive things for him. He mattered. He could understand why people held love and such so dear, because of the fluttering sensation.

 

Existing. Everyone was born for a reason but it was nice to know another person was glad for one’s existence. Yi would cherish this feeling. In return he wished to give something to Yasuo but here came the problem. Of course he wanted the latter to experience this, to matter for someone else. In a way he was already important for him.

But Yasuo told him not to. Because it hurt. This sentence really shook his belief. Not that he minded questionning himself but in fact it was rather the consequences of his rushed questions that concerned. Do no harm. As he thought when he formulated this idea, Yi was certain returning affection would be good.

 

It wasn’t. That day he learned it and would never forget it. It was difficult to understand but Yasuo explained displays of affection couldn’t be given without intent. It was possible but in his very case it wasn’t enjoyable. A question of mutual giving. _Intent_. Was that the matter ? Yi did want to give this but why wouldn’t it work ? _Fake. Empty_.

Difficult to understand on his part because for them, each action was meant. There was no lies between cosmic entities. If a move was made, it was for a reason. Or it wouldn’t happen in the first place. So it left Yi confused. Never considered doing something without even meaning it. But Yasuo was adamant. He couldn’t possibly give it the right importance.

 

It hurt now that he thought about it. Yasuo dismissed what himself could feel about it. Why was he so resolute to shut down Yi’s potential answer ? It looked like he had already given up. That in no universe nor time Yi could return it the right way.

It hurt because he wasn’t sure yet about it. Love, affection, all this. With this conversation, the mere exploration of these feelings was shot. A bit of rolling anger, for being told what to feel and what he wasn’t actually feeling. _It’s not his choice. It’s mine_.

Always that question : what did he feel for Yasuo ? The man was quick to say what it wasn’t, at least. But Yi saw how upset he was at the moment.

 

Protective instinct. It didn’t make sense at all, to hear Yasuo push away the potential of returned attention when himself had a start of love. Paradox. Yi still tried to understand anyway. As illogical as it was, it could be a measure to shield any future pain. Not give hope. But hope could do so much.

 

Yi kept thinking about all this, free star wandering in space. For his mind never left that place. Maybe left his heart there too, if he had any.

In the end, no matter how Yasuo made it sting a little at denying possibilities, he was hurt. Because of Yi and his curiosity. No wonder why they hadn’t met up again since then.

 

At first he prefered to give the latter enough time and room to think. Also because he was plainly thrown out of the ship, for good reasons. Yasuo was distressed, upset and everything in his presence would make it worse. So it was a logical decision though he was sad to leave. After the time spent together, absence was so much noticeable, difficult to ignore.

Yi had left, resolute to stay away for a while.

 

The decision was clear, he wouldn’t go back to Yasuo unless called. Like at the beginning. Yi never enjoyed bothering people, prefering to wait an offer or anything before coming.

 

So he waited. And waited. Resumed his tasks, helping when needed, wherever it was. Always a watchful eye on the latter.

Nothing happened. No call. He saw Yasuo wasn’t in a good mood either, barely going out of his room. He didn’t look so bad but sure there was something on his mind. Yi wished he could come over and listen to his problems. Do whatever he could to make it better. But not without invitation. Yasuo had asked him to go away and he had no idea when it would end.

 

Once his name was spoken. Something low, no one would have heard it except him. But as soon as he looked for the circumstances of this call, Yi had to calm down and lie in his sadness. Indeed Yasuo called him, in his sleep. Breathy name, no misunderstanding. But that wasn’t enough. Maybe not even on purpose. Yi watched from his far position, still a bit curious. The latter stirred but didn’t wake up, mumbling non sense. So he kept waiting.

 

Four days. _Four days…_ For once time seemed to be too much. Yi couldn’t hold still in the same place, restless. There was an urge, constant worry for Yasuo. So from time to time he looked, making sure he was alright.

 

Then it happened. Lulu. One that could never stop meddling in other’s business though deeply she meant no harm. Just too curious and caring for everyone’s good.

And so she barged into the Morning Star, looking for Yasuo.

 

Yi watched this peculiar interaction of course. A hint of worry without reason but also curiosity for the enchantress visit. The conversation wasn’t the one he expected though. To the point of interrupting whatever plan she had. For a short time panick overtook him. He didn’t like the turn taken, even less for what it seemed to do to Yasuo.

In one second he was included in the exchange and it led him here.

 

At first he was a little too scared to return to Yasuo, too aware of the harm inflicted before. But he was called and the latter wanted to talk. So he came.

 

A few seconds of silence in the room, Yasuo looking at him with rare relief. Always so fascinating to read. Yi felt better for this reaction, it wasn’t bad to have come here.

The latter stepped in his direction, reached for him slowly. Warm hand grabbing his, squeezing lightly in a gesture meant to convey joy.

 

Yi remembered everything. Always. There was always this soft thing in Yasuo’s gaze. An attempt at keeping it down but here nonetheless. Yi remembered another hurt look, days ago. _I shouldn’t_.

 

Gently, he took his hand away, leaving Yasuo’s. Slow, slow, not to harm.

 

Always that same thought. _I hurt him_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oooopsie, feels  
> (fuck, i have so much to tell, it will take so long)


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well, i'm getting closer to that blessed rhythm. must work on that
> 
> thanks to each one of you, sweet souls <3

Piercing pain of an instant except it had nothing of physical. Even as he registered the gesture, Yasuo couldn’t make a move yet. _Ah…_ Short lived contact, he still felt the slightly cooler sensation against his palm before Yi let go.

Might have been slapped in the face, it would have been the same result and reaction. A refusal, no matter how slow and gentle it was. During all of it Yasuo had his gaze locked on Yi’s face but after that move, he couldn’t help glancing down. See he wasn’t mistaken.

 

In one instant he remembered the presence of the other entity in the room, quietly watching this hidden wreckage. Yasuo hoped that none of them noticed how hurt he was. With equal speed, he clenched his fist away, back to his side. So much effort to seem unfazed while it was far from it innerly.

Bittersweet. Yi had answered the call but refused this.

 

 _This was a bad move. Shouldn’t have done that_. Action on a spur was his habit yet it often led him to sour situations. He stood Yi’s gaze, waiting for what other cruelty his heart would take next. A bit his fault though, for pushing away then being wounded at a semblance of payback. No, it wasn’t backlash. Yi wouldn’t be that petty nro even able to understand that stance of ‘giving the other a taste of their own medecine’. Because he couldn’t.

In any case it hurt and Yasuo wasn’t so glad to see him again. Yes he was but it looked like he wasn’t out of this matter soon.

 

None moved for a time, looking at each other. Yasuo felt the mood go awkward, with a sad touch on his side. Had been dying to see the latter though now he had no idea what to do nor say. Then came that curious head tilt from Yi, a sign of confusion. _Oh, he doesn’t understand_.

 

« You wanted me to come here and talk. Shall we ? » Same tone than every day, neutral and calm.

 

« Yeah, yeah. Let’s move somewhere else. » Still out of ideas so Yasuo nodded, making a few steps as to lead them.

 

« Are you guys really leaving me alone ? That’s so rude ! » Lulu pouted, before getting back to her cheerful mood, small spirals in the air.

 

« You’re well aware of our habit to talk in peace. My apologies but it’s strictly between us. » Soft but clear words at her attention then he went by Yasuo’s side, ready to go.

 

« Yes, I get that, don’t worry. » Deep sigh then she continued : « Guess I’ll have to find myself someone to keep me entertained. »

 

« I’m sure Xin or even our queen would be happy to chat with you. Now we shall take our leave. » Turned slightly toward Yasuo to speak : « After you. »

 

How low it was when adressed to him. Again his heart made funny things in reaction despite the whole crushing before. _Shiiiiiiiiiit_.

 

« ‘Kay. » There was always this attempt at staying cool, composed. But in his head still rang the _« strictly between us »_ and he couldn’t let it pass. So difficult sometimes to hear Yi say things like this, not even aware of the weight of such words. Or he was reading too much it that.

 

So he guided Yi away, a bit of walk in the corridors of this cozy ship. Decision brought him to his meditation/reading spot, where they had shared all their conversations till then before ‘that specific one’. The one which changed everything, half miracle, half tragedy for the pleasure found and confronting truth.

After taking care of closing the door just in case, Yasuo gestured the latter to sit down.

 

 _Here we are_.

 

It looked like nothing happened since that last encounter in this very place except he was too aware it wasn’t the case. Meanwhile, he had been stripped bare and his to-be feelings revealed. So much for emotions. In a way he wanted this to stay that way, no mention to this topic ever again. There was no need and it seemed that Yi got it crystal clear.

No more contact. Easy to detect, now there was none. Though, there hadn’t been a lot in their rare occasions. Yasuo just remembered casual touch, small instants in his room that stayed unvoiced but left his heart beating loud. He liked it, contact. Yi would have indulged him, no doubt. But in no way it could have been the result of affection so he prefered to avoid this. To his own chagrin. Again the same inner debate.

 

Sigh before he decided to jump into the problem : « Yi, I’m sorry. About last time, when I kicked you out. Wasn’t smart or nice to do that, even less to you. » Figdeted as he spoke, voice a little strangled at the memories but he managed to keep eye contact.

 

« There is nothing to forgive here. You were in your rights to ask me to go. Understandable reaction after what I did and I take responsibility for it. »

 

« No, no. It wasn’t correct to do. I know you’re trying your best and didn’t mean to…to upset me. »

 

« I hurt you. That’s what you said. Don’t lie for my sake. »

 

There was something sharp in the latter’s words that made Yasuo pause. To see such dedication to one’s own faults was rare but it didn’t seem right to him. _He feels guilty ? I shouldn’t have phrased it that way_. It was ridiculous for him to stay stuck on words like that but maybe cosmic entities had a different point of view. Not that he said this lightly but he didn’t think Yi would go back on this particularly.

 

« Well…. I did say that and it wasn’t a lie but…. It’s not that important, not like you actually hurt me. Physically. »

 

« Emotional pain is worse than physical one, per our perception. I felt yours. Why are you trying to play it down ? This is illogical. »

 

Yasuo felt again that mental exhaustion, for they stayed too long on this topic already.

 

« It’s part of life. We get used to it. At least I do. Not my first crush and anyway it would pass soon. I’m not trying to excuse you but know that it happens. You can’t always control your impact on people. »

 

That latter grew silent, still on his spot. Surely he got nothing to say. He looked at him in this quiet reflection, sadness back to fill his heart. It ached, to yearn for someone not able to understand the meaning of this affection.

 

« A crush. I heard this before but I am not really sure about the definition. It’s…love meant to fade away, infatuation. Do you agree ? »

 

« Yup, that’s it. » Another sting, for how true it sounded. Normal for Yi to clarify a term he wasn’t familiar with yet it hurt to explain.

 

« So you think these feelings are a crush. That you just fancy me for a certain time then it will disappear. Am I wrong… ? » Spoken softly, a tint of emotion yet impossible to know which one.

 

« I hope so. » In a breath, painful truth.

 

« Why ? »

 

The debate, again and again. Would it be better to experience an entity’s effection even if it was empty of meaning ? Yasuo was a coward, prefering to kill hope first before it could kill him.

 

« ‘Cause it would never happen anyway. You never pray for something impossible. Just like when I answered no to this request of yours, about showing kinds of affection. There is no point… »

 

At that he saw Yi twitching, about to move but he caught himself before reaching. A reflex. Yasuo saw it but felt a little worse. Could have a use for a hug right now but it looked like the latter wouldn’t initiate contact anymore.

 

« Please. Don’t be sad, tell me what I can do. You’re in pain yet anything I try seems to hurt you. »

 

In need for comfort but nothing worth. He merely stayed there, gaze cast down. Yasuo tried a smile but couldn’t give it much effort, without a doubt the latter could see right through him.

 

« There is nothing to do. Wait and maybe this joke of feelings will go away. But please, I don’t want to talk about all this ever again. »

 

More silence from Yi then he managed something : « Very well. I’ll do my best to avoid this topic, by your demand. »

 

For once he could tell Yi wanted to say something else. His polite, cautious self overtook him but a part must have been urgent to ask more. Express himself. Yasuo was curious about it but refused to keep this conversation open longer.

 

Time stretched in that small place, looking at each other with mirrored calm, resignation.

 

« Do you have questions for me ? Like we used to before ? »

 

« Yes please ! » A good distraction after that sad following, Yasuo jumped on the occasion but no idea about what to ask came. _Ah shit_. « Errr I don’t know what to ask. »

 

« I am sure you will find something interesting. There are an infinity of questions yet to be asked. »

 

 _Okay so what ??_ Thoughts drifted on his memories, things he would maybe want to be explained. _Ah !_

 

« Lulu ! Like, I knew about your queen but there are other girls out there ?? She looks like nothing I ever saw before. What species is that supposed to be ? Or maybe you’re the only one looking somehow like a human ? I don’t know. » A lot of questions at once, now that he found a topic.

 

« Oh, I see— » A bit of delight in his voice before he stopped suddenly, head turned in a certain direction. He rose his hand as sign for Yasuo to stay quiet. _Uh ?_

 

« Lulu, you weren’t called. No need to come here. » Pause as listening the answer then he spoke again, something more light in his tone : « Please, what are you two doing ? She doesn’t need more encouragement than she has already. »

 

He sit down, listening to Yi while trying to piece together the conversation. It was peculiar to watch him have a talk with someone else in a different place, so far yet so close.

 

« I’m sure you would get along very well but make sure she won’t do too much damage. You will see, this one is quite energetic. »

 

_Wait, what ?_

 

Then Yi settled back and faced him again. « Sorry for that, I was making sure she doesn’t get into troubles. It seems that she found your pilot and decided to stay around her for a while. Don’t worry, I’m looking after them. »

 

« Whaaaaaaat ? She’s with Jinx ?? » Guess that gonna be a hell of a talk between these two. Just imagining it, he got a start of headache. « This is fine, as long as she doesn’t get Jinx too agitated. »

 

« I will stay careful. But now let’s go back to your questions. No I’m not the only one humanoid. In fact, most of us chose this shape though there are some variations. Lulu took her appearance from a strange species in another universe, so this explains why you’re not familiar with it. These are called yordles, very little size but full of resources and potential. »

 

« Another universe ? That’s so cool ! And scary. Fuck, how many universes are there ? »

 

« Oh, many, many. Each is unique in its form and life. But we try to maintain balance in every single one. »

 

 _Well shit. We’re not alone_.

 

And so went the conversation, back on its usual track after this long interruption. More knowledge shared and a great distraction to this lingering emptiness in his heart.

They chatted all they could and returned to this habit of theirs.

 

For the better, of course. A comfort zone, for both. Little did they know about future events that would shake everything again. A newcomer in quest for help.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IT'S MOVING, BEWARE


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so so so let's get this moving!!
> 
> lot of love to each reader, you're the best <3

Funny, how fast they got into troubles again. It wasn’t new, not at all but each time Yasuo wondered how they managed to achieve this. Right now, it was indeed troubles but in another way than the usual.

While the crew was busy paying food and supplies at some far off station, someone came to them. Asking for help.

 

From the start he knew that whole thing would turn bad, as soon as it involved them. But there was a request for help, specially for him. A strange lady, weird clothing and aura. He had travelled a lot yet he wasn’t very familiar with that kind of clothing. Classy, in a way. From upper class or something like that.

But what took him long to understand was that she couldn’t speak. Instead, she seemed to manipulate a small ball of ora to form letters, sentences. Someone able to shape ora. That was impressive.

 

So they learned her name was Sona, as she did her thing and explained her reasons for being here. Because yes, someone like her stood out a lot in this dusty city in the middle of nowhere.

She had been looking for Yasuo.

 

 _Why me ??_ First reaction of course. Not like he wasn’t searched by imperial forces for a crime. For someone running away to the point of stealing a ship, weird to forget about it. Whatever.

 

In fact, it was deeper and worse than he could imagine. She heard of him by Yone. His brother. Sona told how the Empire – well, one of its Ordinal in particular – was looking for her. Because of a story about cults, stuff like that. Yasuo didn’t understand it. They succeeded though and she only managed to escape with the help of a brave man who died in the process. Yone. Whose murder was assigned on Yasuo.

 

Now he knew why he was accused but it didn’t lessen the pain in any way. Even after these years the desire for vengeance was still strong, burning flame that would disappear only once he found the truth. Against all odds he had a new piece of information. A name. Kayn. Murderer and also Sona’s captor.

 

Some people would say their destinies were tied now, in a way Yasuo couldn’t realize yet. But it did gave him a reason to get her in the ship as protection. The other two had of course their words to say – Jinx complained a lot at the beginning – but in the end they agreed to help. All it took was to convince Jinx it would be dangerous, maybe even risk their lives. Enough to get her overmotivated. Sometimes it scared Yasuo to be able to guess how she would react, knowing how chaotic her temper was.

Also, it wouldn’t be nice to abandon a lady of the sort in such a place.

 

Time that followed was rather odd but they got back to the routine. The first days there was a lot of talk – if we may qualify Sona’s participation as such – about the Empire and how far they were at the moment. To tell the whole story too. Because that was so complicated.

For Yasuo, to hear she knew Yone was enough to trust her and help as much as he could. Even better because it would give him an occasion to avenge his brother. A lot of emotions happened these days.

Odd also because they had a new person living in the ship, with them. Yes, they had to find a room for Sona and that was the toughest thing of the week. Jinx could have let her her own room, not trusting her other crewmates but it was too difficult for her to chose what to move into her workshop. At last they converted another storrage to make it nice enough.

 

What had been really entertaining was when Yi resumed his visits, just to run into their new guest by accident. On his part, he wasn’t surprised for he saw the latest events but it nearly gave Sona the scare of her life. Excuses, to see a sort of god or whatever materializing in the corridor leading to their ‘conversation spot’. Profuse apologies on either sides, enough noise to get Yasuo’s attention and bring him to this confused scene. Then she went on her way and Yi resumed their habit.

 

~

 

« I see you have a new guest. Sona, am I wrong ? »

 

« Yup, indeed. Poor girl came to us asking for help. The damned empire is chasing her for knowledge or whatever. They seem to think she’s valuable. »

 

Sitting at their usual place, quiet time shared like they used to before. Yasuo still felt it, that emptiness in his chest when looking at the latter despite hoping it would go away. The habit remained, for he couldn’t stop this link in any case. Longing, for someone staying so close yet there had been not more attempt at contact. A pity.

At least they had their conversations.

 

« Yes, I heard her story. And the part about your brother. »

 

Again a flash of pain, right through the heart. He would never heal completely.

 

« I…I didn’t know you had a brother and even less that such a sad thing would befall you two. My apologies. » The tone was soft, the same one used in private if he could call it that way. When the others weren’t here.

 

Yasuo brushed that away with a small waving : « Nah, it’s not your fault. Yone was a good person, I’m sure you would have enjoy talking with him rather. »

 

« Rather than you ? »

 

Emotion strained is voice a little so he nodded instead. Not that tearing pain but rather the slow melancholia from the loss of family.

 

« Don’t think like that. You’re a good person too, no matter your choices and point of view over it. This is how I consider you anyway. Also, we would never find out what you suggest, it’s already past. »

 

« Well, no doubt he did better things than me. Even died helping someone else. The comparison is difficult here but I’m sure you’re just gonna kick me if I keep going. »

 

« Maybe not to that level of violence but I would consider. …Yasuo, do you blame yourself for his death ? »

 

That shit hurt, more than before. Had never phrased it this way but the concept wasn’t unknown to him. Now that it was said. Looked away on reflex, a new wave of sadness. _Maybe_.

Despite trying not to, he saw Yi shifting closer, at the limit of contact.

 

« You don’t have to answer, if that’s too painful. I understand this mustn’t be easy to bear, even less when it’s about family. »

 

« I don’t know. Yes, maybe. Who knows ? I guess things would have been different if I had tried behaving at least instead of pushing him away. I don’t know, I don’t know… » It burst out a little louder than he intended but he managed to get this out. So long since he thought about Yone for such time.

 

Yi stayed silent for an instant before speaking again : « Again, we can’t know how events would have followed in another path. You have regrets but it’s important not to focus too much on the past. You can’t bring him back but you can honor his memory. So this bring us to Sona. Do your best to protect her and you will finish what your brother started. »

 

This rang in his mind, awaited words that he didn’t know he needed. It was true, he still could do something right. Again, Yi left him speechless for his rationality. How it helped, even so slightly. There was still some comfort to be found in the most unexpected places.

 

~

 

One day, intrigued by Yi not being there after waiting, he found him in another place of the ship. A certainly interesting conversation in the kitchen, between him, Sona and Jinx, the three of them at the table.

Fine, he wasn’t expecting that one.

 

« Hey…Didn’t see you come so I guessed you were busy. » Always strange to notice that change of tone when adressed to Yi. He tried not to keep that but failed when not thinking.

 

« Ah, my apologies. I was curious about Sona so we went to talk a little. I planned to join you in any case. »

 

« Don’t worry, captain. We’re not keeping your boyfriend for too long. » Jinx never missed an occasion to mock or just tease, before laughing.

 

« Fuck off. » And an intimidating gesture along with a glare, though it wouldn’t be so effective.

 

Sona stayed quiet of course, peaceful presence in the room while the others started swearing. It was Yi who interrupted the sort-of fight, standing up.

 

« Please, don’t use such vocabulary. Yasuo, let’s move somewhere else. » This put an end both to their previous conversation and this start of fight, indeed shutting them up.

 

« Okay, okay. » Ready to get back from where he came, this time with Yi.

 

Before they left, he adressed them a goobye. « To a later occasion. It was a pleasure. »

 

Silence filled the corridor as they walked by, Yasuo somehow still flustered by that traitorious assumption Jinx made. _Damn her_.

But once again, it was without counting Yi’s quiet question.

 

« Boyfriend ? »

 

_NO ! He picked that up !_

 

« That’s not true ! She didn’t mean it, t’was just a joke ! Don’t…forget about it please. » Ending with a sigh. That was too much bullshit for this day.

 

He received a strange gaze in return but Yi said nothing more till they arrived to their spot. It wasn’t even mentionned for the rest of the day as Yasuo tried to avoid this topic the best he could.

 

How stressing, couldn’t he have a break sometimes ? This was too much to think about. A new guest, someone to protect and potentially the whole imperial army coming after them for this. Why everything happened so much ?

 

If it wasn’t overwhelming enough, soon they would have some unpleasant visit. From a certain Ordinal, ready to get back what he considered his.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh boy, here comes the plot  
> (YES, I HAD BEEN READING THE ODYSSEY LORE FOR ACURACY. FUCK YOU KAYN. in fact it's pretty interesting, worth a read)


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HELL YEAH, RIGHT NEXT DAY! (please, i have another work to update but hype is killing me softly)
> 
> Thank you for reading!! <3

It was rather new for him to pay such attention. Indeed, if before Yi was alert about anything in universes happening in the instant, now he kept a certain attention on a specific place. Of course it didn’t change anything from his duty, never interfered with it. But from times to times he looked at what was happening in the Morning Star. Watchful gaze over its crew.

For a time he had been looking after Yasuo specifically, when it was more tense between them. Now it was like staying updated on the latest news. Yi wouldn’t never stop worrying for the latter so his attention sometimes went on this happy ship.

 

Sona was a true change in the routine, to say the least. From the start she picked his interest though in another sense than before. Unlike Yasuo, it was rather for her aura that he grew curious. Even if that was fairly minimal compared to a cosmic entity, he could feel a potential. In a magical way. This time he watched her and the crew when she explained her reasons to be here. Had to stop once to get somewhere in urgency then he paid attention again.

 

For entities like them, ora was a strange concept. Well, they heard about it, saw it at use. But it never convinced them fully. Mortals were really ingenious when it came to progress and finding new ways to prosper. Because their individual resources were quite limited. Ora was an opportunity, powerful energy and material for everything. And it was known to be unstable. So what a surprise to find a living person able to manipulate it like any other things mortals had already bent to their will. An unique ability. Needless to say she must have been the target of many high-ups. She could do anything. In that particular universe though, ora had no use in others.

 

A human who couldn’t talk yet keeper of secrets. Adding her rare ability, she had a lot of reasons being pursued. Yi was inclined to compassion for her, this mustn’t had been easy in life. But now she would be in good hands.

 

The sad part was about Yasuo’s brother. In that instant Yi realized he didn’t know much about him, his life before the point he met him. Oh he had so many questions but maybe it would be better to calm this down. Everyone knew death and how it impacted people. Himself knew how it felt, to see someone die. Well, not really. It was rather a rebirth but under darkness. _Jhin._ The latest fallen. It wasn’t the same death than mortal experienced, they came back but different.

For mortals, they simply didn’t come back. That day, Yasuo looked rather shaken though he tried to hide it. Yi could read under it nonetheless. Family was important, for everyone. Now the latter knew how his brother died and how the murder itself was blamed on him.

 

Later, Yi got his conversation about it. It turned out fine, better than he expected. In the end he managed to soothe Yasuo as much as he could, with the little wisdom he had. Letting go was never easy.

 

These days were odds to begin with but soon he came to settle back into a routine. Watching after the crew, running around space, coming for a visit. The difference was just the new guest and how it could potentially bring them into troubles. But nothing so far.

On Yasuo’s part, he seemed well. Still a little melancholic but each time they met it would go well.

 

Resisting the urge for contact was difficult though. It grew stronger by the day. Back then Yi wouldn’t really notice but now it became somehow bothersome. To reach. And not any kind of person, it just happened around Yasuo. For a time he thought it was merely curiosity, enjoying the warmth of a living body. What a taste he got during that time in the bedroom. No, it was more.

Yet he never acted on this inexplicable urge. Would never risk hurting Yasuo. Although there was nothing he could use to explain that urge, Yi was sure it wouldn’t go well with the latter. This was too close to affection and the clear limit. Had been enough to see Yasuo put distance on reflex several times already. So he stayed silent on this and carried on.

 

~

 

What he was taught from the beginning and that never failed him since then, things kept happening no matter where he was. With different importance. This was the point of having many cosmic entities, they could all take care of matters when there was too much.

 

This time it involved people he knew already. Usually Yi didn’t have to come back several times to a same place – in the span of a local generation or two – since problems were solved. That brought him to consider the Morning Star crew as a real magnet of unlucky events.

 

For the second time he had to intervene. And he wasn’t even paying attention to them at the moment before his senses found an urgency.

 

An attack. The person Sona was fleeing found them and managed to break into the ship. _Kayn_.

 

Usually entities weren’t drawn to ‘personnal matters’ between mortals. Because if they did, everyone would die of old age, there would be no war, but also many consequences to take in count. These trivial conflicts happened and it wouldn’t endanger universes balance.

Curiously, this time it did and Yi was left wondering why. _Is it about Sona ?_

 

Damage had already been done before he got alerted but he made it fast and swift. They were fighting when he arrived. No questions asked, all he had was a duty. Right now it was to stop the intruder, no matter what. Here was standing the enemy. It took him little time to realize he was facing Jinx, threatening her heavily. Shouting non sense in some sort of cold fury.

A flash, blade drawn. It met a scythe, right before it would cut the unfazed girl.

 

For a time he merely looked at the man. Kayn. Seeing something close to madness in that eye staring back at him, under a veil of surprise. Then all made sense. _Oh_. Why he had been brought here.

 

« Rhaast ? » The name slipped pas thim, genuinely surprised to run into this kind of being here. _So here he was_.

 

Confusion took over Kayn, not only stopped by someone who looked infinitely more powerful than him but also asked about something he was supposed to be the only one knowing.

 

« How ?? What did you just say ? » He spat, struggling to cut that newcomer. But the clash of weapons was resolute, nothing would pass.

 

A bit unbelieving, Yi forced his scythe down before grasping the latter strongly. Ready to ask. Made a quick gesture as signal for Jinx to get away. She complied without a word, for once, but still that frightening smile on her face. At least one person was having a kick out of all this.

 

Looked straight into Kayn : « Rhaast. I never expected to find you here. »

 

Then at last it came up, dark voice ringing in Yi’s mind and the latter’s : **« Kayn. Get out. He’s not here to play. »**

 

« But no ?? I have to find Sona ! » Said under his breath, like talking to himself. « Where are you hiding her ?? »

 

« This is none of your concern. Now Rhaast, explain why you are in this universe. »

 

The man was a beast, struggling all he could. If a glare could kill then Yi would be dead. If he could die. But none of it was possible.

 

 **«** **KAYN ! Don’t fuck with him ! You won’t beat him so leave ! »** Strange to hear such nervosity from something so evil.

 

« You traitor ! We’re not leaving without her. »

 

Some inner conflict it would seem. Then all stopped suddenly. Under his gaze, Yi saw a flicker in the latter’s eye, gone quiet. _He took over_. Realization. This time it was Rhaast. In one second, Kayn moved to yank himself off the grasp, weapon in hand. Yi should have seen that coming.

But instead of returning to the fight, the intruder left, ran away in the direction he must have come from before. Maybe a small personnal ship used to track them down.

 

They fled. Kayn and Rhaast. From what he understood, the Dark Star took control for their own sake, tactical retreat. Guess he hadn’t been betting on a cosmic entity coming right at them. _They will return_. Better prepared but not soon.

 

The tension dropped at once. His senses told the same, danger was gone. The presence of a dark star was the reason for this stirring, possible imbalance. Maybe they were about to succeed and find Sona.

 

Thinking of, Yi’s thoughts returned on the actual situation. To Jinx, at first, for she had been in direct confrontation with what looked like an early meeting with death. At least she made it out alive.

Then Yasuo. _Where is he ?_ Where was the man but also Sona and Malphite ? He stopped focusing on the immediate surroundings to come back on a global vision.

 

Just next room. In fact, there had been enough damage to demolish the wall between the two. Fights must have been violent before he arrived. A burst of worry at the back of his mind. Yasuo was down, next to Malphite. Jinx wasn’t here. He looked around and saw she went finding Sona, surely letting her know they were safe again.

 

In a second he appeared at their side, dropping to his knees to better assess the situation. Malphite had obvious wounds, several deep bleeding but he looked concious and alive. Appeased a little, Yi shifted his attention to the other man. Analyzing, looking for anything wrong.

His eyes stopped on blood. Seeping under armor, at a point where it was broken on the right side, above the waist. _No_.

 

That was it, just blood yet it wasn’t at all where it was supposed to be. Panick took over for a second then Yi ruled himself not to lose it. Because the latter looked very alive too. There was blood too on Yasuo’s hands, without a doubt after pressing to the wound for a time.

Urgent hands pushed Yasuo to properly sit down and stop whatever he was doing. At the same time, words came up too. Seemed like shortly he heard nothing but white noise, unable to focus on whatever was said to him or around.

 

« Yi ? Hey, it’s fine. Don’t give me a scare like that. »

 

This was wrong. Something must have been wrong for it wasn’t possible to smile like that while bleeding. Yi barely found his words to express how torturous this instant was. Forgot about his own reluctance for touch, worried hands over Yasuo. Lingering around the wound, light touch not to hurt but slowly realizing what this meant. Blood, staining his hands.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok listen, i have reasons  
> don't worry, i can't hurt the boys too much


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS GONNA BE A HELL OF A RIDE BUT I'M LIVING
> 
> thanks to all of you, i'm crying at each kudo T__T

The latter merely let him do, maybe too oblivious to realize what was going on inside Yi’s mind. Instead Yasuo kept his attention on his crewmate, for he had it worse than him. Took a lot of damage for them and it left him low.

 

« Hold on, big guy. Gonna be okay. » Still trying to reassure, maybe not to break into panick right now. « Yi ? Is everything good ? The asshole is dead ? »

 

From there he hadn’t seen the rest of the fight but since Yi was here and ready to help, the urgence must have been over. A relief to confirm, though. As he spoke to him, the entity barely registered him nor acknowledged his words. Attention somewhere else. How the latter was going restless on him, careful hands around his wound, Yasuo understood. _Ah…._

Not that he forgot his own pain but there was more important at the moment, like Malphite’s. Himself could wait.

 

So he tried to get his attention, snap a little : « Hey. I’m good. But tell me, we’re safe ? »

 

Yi looked up suddenly, before glancing down again, gaze going from Yasuo’s eyes to his own hands covered in blood. At first silence then he broke it quietly : « They’re gone. Kayn and Rhaast left after I stopped them. Stay appeased. »

 

At that Yasuo could indeed relax a little though pain shot again in his side as reminder. _Okayyyyy let’s not move too much_. The memory of that damned scythe wasn’t very enjoyable, even knowing he escaped the worst by reflex. That wound wasn’t so deep but enough to hurt like hell. But he had to prioritize Malphite.

 

« Good, good. Now we need to help Malphite, he got some serious wounds. Just gotta find our medical stuff— » Made a move to stand up while supporting himself but again it stung in hateful amounts. « ….fuck. »

 

Managed to get up anyway but of course it caught Yi’s attention, nervous hands going for holding him after that show of pain.

 

« Nah, I’m fine, I’m fine. Let’s help buddy here. » A small effort at hiding how his own body wasn’t really at its best right now, slightly breathless and hearbeat picking up.

 

« You’re bleeding too. »

 

The grasp over his arm was firm, a clue to get his attention. Yi sounded dead serious, like he might be dying on the spot.

 

« It’s not the end of the world, got worse before. » Since in no way it seemed to calm down the latter and stop him from forcing him down to sit, Yasuo continued : « Yi, listen to me. Just stop. Malph’ got some shitty time with that Kayn and he needs to heal now. Help me. »

 

At last it seemed to register. Yi let go of him though it was clear in his gestures that he wasn’t too happy with this. Seconds later, Jinx barged in the room in a fuss, Sona by her side.

 

« Here you are. Do you have bandages and all these ? »

 

« Yup ! Gonna be okay, big guy. Don’t worry ! » She returned hastily at her best friend’s side.

 

But Yi stopped her gently in her tracks, stepping closer to their injured crewmate : « No need for this. Let me do. »

 

« Huh ? » Both captain and pilot reacted, watching in stupid confusion was Yi acted on his words.

 

Both hands on Malphite’s arm, just a point of contact while he worked in silence. Like in concentration. To the audience’s surprise, a sort of light glow came from under his palm, right where it was resting on flesh. A rush of energy, fading already. Then Yi withdrew and moved his patient to completely lie down.

 

« What the fuck did you do ?? » It was as much worry than wonder in Jinx’s voice, careful gaze over her friend as inspecting the tiniest change.

 

Then it happened, slowly but surely. Wounds started to seal all alone, closing to leave a neat scars wherever he had been cut.

 

 _Whaaaaat…._ Yasuo saw that too, almost unbelieving while the entity moved away to let some space around Malphite.

 

« Erm, you okay buddy ? » Still prefered to ask the concerned one.

 

A grunt answered him but there was also a sigh of relief, surely pain was reduced now.

 

As everyone – including Sona having moved closer to see – stayed amazed by that sort of miraculous healing, Yi returned to Yasuo. Himself registered the careful hand trying to get his armor down, for the broken part made it difficult to access the wound beneath.

 

Still not over it, Yasuo kept asking : « How did you do that ? »

 

Yi seemed not to care a lot about what he was asking and everything else, full attention on the wound he was determined to get access to : « To put it simply, this is accelerated healing. I merely helped his body to reconstruct faster than it would usually. » Gaze down, as he at last unclasped Yasuo’s armor off him. « Sit down. »

 

The sharp edge made Yasuo pause, because of the order. He complied, sitting and watching the latter work without a single glance spared. _Hey… What’s going on ?_ This was getting too far from what he usually saw of Yi. Now there was this intense focus on something that seemed so trivial. Almost laughable. He would be alright anyway, why worry ?

 

« Don’t act like I’m actually dying. It’s not that bad. » An attempt at soothing Yi but who was he really calming ? To see the latter in such alarmed concentration was a bit overwhelming, like himself hadn’t realized the situation. Was there anything he hadn’t seen ? Was he more hurt thant he thought ? It was painful, he still felt it as the wound was uncovered, blood starting to dry.

 

Felt a bit sick suddenly. But this wasn’t his first cut and it stung less than many others in his life. Yasuo gritted his teeth and waited.

During it, Yi at last got a full view of the wound, after making sure it was the only one. Hands reached flesh, looking for direct contact then he repeated what he did earlier. Same faint glow.

 

This was a strange thing to experience, for Yasuo. Nothing too transcending but rather a tingling in the area of the wound. Neither comfortable or unpleasant. It was more of a fluster for the actual fact that Yi had his hands pressed to his side than the healing itself. Damned situation. Then Yi took his hands away once his task done, leaving the wound to scar by itself shortly.

To see that process happening in live under his gaze wasn’t the most fun thing but Yasuo sighed once it was done. The lack of pain was very welcome.

 

While he relaxed back, Yi stood up and spoke to Jinx, busy around her friend but all in noises and excitment. Like nothing serious happened just before.

 

« I think it would be better to be quiet for now. My help isn’t perfect, they will need to sleep very soon to counterbalance the reconstruction of tissues. And for a rather long time. »

 

Jinx interrupted her merry chatting to gaze at him with wide eyes, registering the recommandation : « Oh, okay. Got it But don’t worry, even me can’t wake him up when he’s sleeping. So I won’t shut up. »

 

« As you wish, this was a fair warning. »

 

« Wait, you mean I got to sleep now ?? » Yasuo barely caught on that last one, a new kind of exhaustion taking him little by little.

 

 _Oh shit, he’s right_. A bit numb, lethargy coming for him like a predator. He gave up supporting himself and plainly slumped down on the floor, a wave of something washing over him. So tired.

This wasn’t comfortable at all but he realized it was too late to move in another position.

 

Last thing he saw before he could just close his eyes, Yi’s figure staying by his side. Blurry. But comforting in a way.

There was a burst of laughing in the distance but no care. Dropping into darkness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> how to fucking WRITE A CHARACTER FALLIGN ASLEEP?? EASY, JUST WRITE AT NIGHT, CONVINCED THAT YOU'LL ONLY GET TO SLEEP ONCE THE CHAPTER IS DONE  
> so yes the description is very close to what i'm feeling right now  
> gotta sleep, folks. it's important for health
> 
> and oh boy, so much coming right away, i'm dying of hype


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HELL YEAH, HYPE
> 
> lot of love for you, sweet readers <3

_Oh, sooner than I thought_.

 

Yi had been quick to join the latter’s side, after hearing him drifting off without a chance to stop it. This had been rather fast for Yasuo, passing out in a few seconds. So much it took Jinx in a fit of laughing for a good minute because of the ridiculous scene. He just dropped uncouncious. Everything was worth laughing for her, especially when the target was Yasuo.

 

On his part, he wasn’t worried at all. Well, less than before. Now he knew the latter would take a good rest and be alright. A glance nearby, at Malphite and indeed it confirmed that both wounded were gone to sleep. Despite the background noise from Jinx.

 

He took a time to calm down. This had been a huge peak of stress, at the limit of panick when he registered Yasuo’s wound. Now that everything was solved, he could have some peace of mind. _Oh, wait_. A ‘small’ detail arrived.

 

« Jinx ? Were you hurt ? » He wanted to make sure. After all, her crewmates were injured and she had been facing Kayn when he made it to the ship.

 

She spun around with energy, adressing a smile : « Me ? I’m alright ! Ready to go again ! Poor Malph’ was the one charging into the fight to protect me so he got most of the blows. »

 

Standing to join her level. Now he could have a proper look to her health condition, since he hadn’t payed attention before. All seemed normal except for one thing.

 

« This is not the right time for jokes. What happened ? »

 

Worry seeped again in Yi’s tone. Not without reasons. Now that she was at attention, he noticed how her left arm was severed, under the elbow. Hopefully he could tell this was a prosthetic or he would have gone sickly panicked over the loss of a limb.

The question was why Jinx didn’t seem so alarmed but from the start he knew her for that strange behavior. Maybe that happened many times before. With care he took her limb to be observed closer and she let him do. Not a word for once though she was difficult to stay still on her feet, attention snapping on different things at once.

 

« I don’t know ? Ah yes maybe I remember. See that cool dude ? The one breaking into our ship ? After Malph’ was down, I blasted the guy outta the room. See the hole to the other storrage ? That’s me !! »

 

Talking fast and with energy, just like her personnality. It would be tiring to listen to for hours but Yi didn’t really mind. Except right now she wasn’t answering that question.

 

« Get to the point, please. » Just a little reminder, not to lose her. During it, he got a good look at her arm. The cut was neat, proper. Maybe some luck that Kayn sliced her prosthetic arm and not the other one. This would have been a lot more painful.

 

« Ehh ? Okay, okay. So, it was right before you appeared out of nowhere. By the way, that was super cool too. Just in time ! »

 

« Jinx. » A glance to make her understand that was important.

 

« Fine, fine. He cut my arm off with that weird weapon of his. Really really fast. »

 

« Alright. So that was in next room. Your arm should still be there. »

 

« Yup ! » Followed by a sigh, shoulders down. « This gonna be a pain to repair. Would rather it was my real arm, so you can use that fancy magic to heal it. »

 

« I sure hope no. Had you lost your flesh arm, this would have been extremely painful to heal back. »

 

« You could ?? » This wasn’t a good idea but here came her interest.

 

« Yes. But don’t try to get into troubles just to see it. »

 

This conversation was peculiar, not the proper place nor situation to have it but it was refreshing. A way to let out the tension, now that danger was gone.

In a second he flashed out of the room they were, to search the lost arm then reappeared by Jinx’s side once he got it. That fleeting move made her jump but she recovered, another sparkling gaze following him.

 

« Wow, that was fast. You found it ! Thanks ! » At the occasion, she jumped to hug him, quick and strong before letting go.

 

 _Oh_. Short time but every mortal interaction was new to see. This one too.

 

Jinx returned to her friend's side. While they were busy, it looked like Sona got to work too. With a damp washclothe, she was cleaning up Malphite’s wounds. It was indeed sealed but blood remained. So this was her silent task while Yi took care of their noisy pilot.

 

« Wait, Jinx. There is still something I can do for you. »

 

« What ? » She gave a confused look.

 

So he joined her, sat down and took the cut prosthetic. It was in rather good shape, just a few dents surely from her daily life but nothing serious. This had been a clear cut, unforgiving. But at least it made his task easier.

Jinx watched him do, as he aligned her limb to the severed part. Made the two parts connect then held it in place. This time no glow. But metal, ora and other materials composing the prosthetic seemed to move as one, shifting, bending and fusing where it had forcefully been cut. Little by little it went back to its original place.

One and whole again.

 

« Okay, I won’t ever make fun of you. That’s fucking awesome to help me. And that trick ! Crazy. » She sounded plainly stunned, moving her arm to check that she wasn’t hallucinating. Then she turned to Sona, waving her arm to her sight like a happy kid would with a new toy. « Look ! Back together ! »

 

As answer, she received a wide gaze, equally surprised. Enough to make her pause in her help. Then she fumbled with ora to express herself : « [That’s really nice work !] »

 

There was a limit though to this enthusiasm and Yi prefered to make it clear : « I’m sorry but I couldn’t get it functionnable. To create and reassemble matter is possible but I can’t get properly the energy to power your arm. This task is for you but I’m sure it won’t take too long. »

 

« Nah, don’t worry. It’s already really cool from you to repair it. Gonna get it back to work while the two idiots are sleeping. »

 

The good thing to talk with someone positive even to madness, it was really calming. There was always a good side to look at. Now that everything was for the best, he could return to Yasuo.

 

« Since all seems well, I will take care of Yasuo. I don’t think this is really comfortable to sleep on. »

 

Yi went to pick up the latter, too deep asleep to even budge in that move. A last goodbye before he left the ladies here.

 

« I will return later. Call me if you need help. »

 

A soft waving answered this along with a much less sophisticated wink from Jinx. That one got Yi a little confused.

 

Carrying Yasuo in his arms, he made his way to the bedroom. The man was dead asleep, head resting against him in this needed rest. No time to lose watching this peacefully, Yi caught himself.

Once he arrived to his destination and the door locked behind him, he put the latter to bed with care.

 

A strange squeak came up and he looked for its source. It was the lizard, yawning quietly in what looked like a small bed fitted to its size.

 

« Hello. » Low voice although he doubted anything could wake the man.

 

Since there was nothing to be alarmed about, he let the tiny companion do its life and settle back in its bed.

 

Now he realized that Yasuo’s wound hadn't been cleaned up. In a second he went looking for some fabric, enough to be soaked and used for this. Taken care of in no time. At the occasion, he took off the latter’s undershirt, widely stained with dried blood. Folded and put aside.

It came to his mind that it would be for the better to truly help and take off useless gear. Memories up again, as he took off Yasuo’s boots, to be followed by his gloves, that metal thing without name he wore around his neck. Hesitated a little to take off the belt but that wasn’t maybe a good idea. However.

 

Now Yasuo could find rest without discomfort, sprawled in bed with little visible care for the world. So peaceful. Now Yi had done what he could. There was nothing left. Stayed in bed, sitting there with his gaze on the latter. Focused on the object of his thoughts.

A detail seemed wrong so he moved to change that. Untie Yasuo’s hair, letting long locks to flow over the bedsheets. His hand stayed in the latter’s hair even after he finished, appreciating the touch.

 

Quiet. A time to think. So much happened and at last he could register one by one his several reactions all over the latest hours.

 

Again that urge. It came back stronger and still no explanation for this. Yi kept his hand burried in white locks, carressing as semblance for contact though it wasn’t nearly as fulfilling as what he yearned.

 

Questions, about this new urge.

 

So tempted to give in, hold Yasuo. By curiosity, see if this would be helpful, enough to calm the need. It burned him to try. _He would never hear of it_.

 

Seconds, minutes of hesitation. Torn. _It wouldn’t be right_.

 

Then a change in the atmosphere of the room, sudden tension leaving at once. Yi turned his head, far too familiar with this sensation.

 

« Yi. »

 

Here she was, Ashe. Having appeared in person in that cozy bedroom, a peculiar gaze to her peer.

 

« Ah. My queen. »

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay this gonna be so loooooooooooooong btu DAMN I'M SO SO HAPPY


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok, tired! now sleep!
> 
> many thanks for the kudos and comments, it makes my day <3

This was the very first time his queen came here in person. The Morning Star sure was now a blessed place, after seeing three different cosmic entities paying a visit. Something quite miraculous in itself.

 

Ashe stood there, in the middle of the room, not so far of the bed. All in beauty, pure aura around her. Their gaze met and Yi for once didn’t know much what to expect from her. She wouldn’t have made the travel so far for a mere conversation about the weather of certain planets. Even less after this attack. Each one of them heard about it, since it was a matter of harmony.

So there was chances she was here to talk about Rhaast.

 

« I imagine you didn’t came here for nothing. May I offer you to sit ? I am not the host here but this is the least I can do. » Then a gesture, invitation for her to sit down.

 

For an instant she seemed to consider the suggestion, before stepping closer to sit at the edge of the bed. This was still at some distance from Yi and the sleepy third person here. Ashe stayed there, nothing to guess from her expression.

 

« It’s about Rhaast, isn’t it ? » He prefered to ask first, slight fear at the back of his mind. Without reason.

 

« Yes. » Quiet words in the room, her gaze still stuck on him like a magnet.

 

« I didn’t know he would be in this universe, even less that he would team up with a mortal. »

 

« Indeed, there is little we know about Rhaast’s whereabouts. Seemed that he went in low profile for such a long time, we didn’t pay much attention to him. »

 

Something in her words left to imagine this wasn’t all she wanted to say. Reserved for a moment.

 

« I should have seen it coming. Before he caused troubles like this. »

 

« Don’t try to blame yourself. This is not your fault in particular. All of us could have been more wary on these dark star. »

 

It was true yet speaking of it, Yi felt that part of responsability. It was entities’s duty to take care of cosmic matters. Mortals shouldn’t be involved it these though dark stars sometimes tried to bring them into this. Pawns for a bigger plan.

For now he didn’t stand Ashe’s gaze. He merely watched Yasuo in this undisturbed rest, oblivious to issues beyond his understanding. At least someone was at peace. A jolt happened, again the urge to hold, embrace. Yi clenched his fist away, back to his side. _Don’t think about it_.

 

« Indeed but still, I…I can’t let this happen again. »

 

« Now we are warned, we know Rhaast is somewhere in this this universe. It won’t happen a second time.Yi, let go. It’s done now, no need to linger on past events. »

 

This had him face her again, a rush through him : « I can’t let go. Mortals were involved and wounded.….Yasuo was injured. »

 

« I saw it. Listen, I’m aware of how much damage had been done. And I’m sorry that this would happen to people you knew. At least they all made it alive. »

 

This was never supposed to hurt but it did. Yi couldn’t understand exactly why but it felt like emotions tied his voice, making it difficult to speak. The problem. Mortals involved in cosmic conflicts. It was even worse since he knew them, specially one man. He couldn’t bear to have an negative impact on people, no matter how light was this responsability in it.

Image stuck in his mind, blood staining hands. Not even a lethal amount but it shocked him all the same. Blood was life, to lose even the smallest part was never a good sign.

 

Gaze returned on Yasuo. Had he been more cautious, aware, the man wouldn’t have been hurt like this. Yi felt horrible for this, the reminder. Mortality. Life was lulled by death and every single person was meant to die one day.

 

What if he had been too late ? What if Rhaast actually thought about the possibility of cosmic entities and so came prepared ? So many possible outcomes, ways it could have gone bad. The more he thought, more he felt overwhelmed by the impact he potentially had on the life of the crew.

 

Almost caught in his own mind. It stopped when Ashe reached for him gently, small touch as question.

 

« Hey. I can hear you thinking and it doesn’t seem happy. » Soft tone, her true self. Able of authority yet merciful when needed. « You’re worried. It’s normal but don’t let it paralyse you. »

 

Yi accepted the touch nonetheless though it wasn’t exactly the one he seeked. Brought more questions. Why was it specifically Yasuo ?

 

« I can’t stop worrying. They could have died. He could have died… »

 

« They didn’t. Because someone was looking after them. » Now she shifted closer, to stay by his side. « Now Yi, answer this question. Why Yasuo, among everyone ? »

 

_Why ?_

 

Not the easiest question. It left Yi blank for a few seconds, searching a meaning to all this. What was Ashe asking ?

 

« Why…him ? »

 

« Haven’t you realized ? In many aspects you treat him differently than the rest of life. Even in the crew you visited often. Why Yasuo in particular ? »

 

Her words were as quiet than before but he had so much difficulties trying to get what she meant. Where she wanted to come to.

Was it true ? Did he really treat Yasuo unlike anyone else ? In a way, this wasn’t surprising, he was aware he held the man close to his non-existent heart. But was it a bad thing ? Ashe wouldn’t point this out without reason.

 

Sudden fear, for what it meant. _Do I favor him ?_ Would he be so biased that he started considering one specific life above other’s ? Sick feeling, washing over him. He was meant to keep balance, protect life. What would it mean if he came to care about only one person ? Loathing for himself.

 

« Do you think I care too much about him ? » That question killed him innerly. Needed to be sure, if he was starting to alterate his own partiality. « Is that why you’re asking ? That I can’t hold my duty anymore ? »

 

Panick in his words and it seemed to catch her attention. The touch came back, small grasp to take him out of it.

 

« No, of course no. I would never doubt your sense of duty. I’m sorry this was misunderstood. » Ashe never meant harm neither, she was here to help. A bit of her own short distress, for starting useless panick. « My question may seem a little intrusive but it was mainly guided by curiosity. Nothing to do with our mission. »

 

For now he relaxed, soothed. Yi stayed there, listening.

 

« You care about everyone, that is a fact and quality. Then we saw you take interest and time in one human in particular. And grew more emotional at the occasion too. My question is : what brought you to give him such importance ? »

 

 _Good question_. Yi already knew the answer. It was crystal clear. At the same time, memories came up from their shared times. He couldn’t not smile thinking about it. About Yasuo.

 

« He talks, makes a lot of noise though less than Jinx. He’s a good man yet he seems convinced of the opposite. I think this really is the reason I care about him. Could answer my questions, share knowledge but never made fun of me for learning. »

 

Despite himself, he reached slowly for Yasuo. Barely contact, hand lingering near his. But he could never forget that he shouldn’t. There was a limit.

 

« So this is how a man could touch our dear Yi. » A smile was heard in her voice and without a doubt he could confirm it if he faced Ashe. « I understand why you love him that much. »

 

« Love ? » _No, this can’t be_. « Are you sure ? »

 

Looking at Ashe, she was honest in her opinion, like it was an evidency. Maybe not truly aware of the weight of such words.

 

« Am I wrong ? Correct me, if that is the case. But for so long you have been so dense, it may not surprise me to hear you confused about it. » More clever, this was her field.

 

« I don’t know… » It bothered him, really. The question of love had already been brought before, with Yasuo. He knew the latter loved him but himself was too new to this concept. He couldn’t tell. And this ignorance actually got him and Yasuo into a more tense time.

 

The real matter. Was it love ? Yi couldn’t give it the potential of doubt, there was too much risk. But if Ashe was certain about it, was it wrong ?

 

« You don’t know. Then maybe I can help you clear this. Look at Yasuo and answer this : what do you feel for him ? »

 

What else could he do ? Yi complied. Gaze over the sleepy form of his friend, blissfully unaware of the conversation going on. In such exhausted state, Yasuo wouldn’t wake up before hours and hours.

Though he was to answer a question, Yi’s thoughts wandered a little. Again that need for contact. He brushed it off and focused.

 

 _What do I feel for him ?_ Easy, no ? Yet it seemed so blurry to explain. For once he spoke as it came, no filter : « Care, like for everyone else. Curiosity too, as individual. Respect…. But also something else, I can’t say what. »

 

« Why ? You can tell me, there is nothing to be afraid of. »

 

He knew that. Talking with Ashe was always the occasion for deep thoughts and sometimes personal matters, if it happened. But this wasn’t the problem at the moment.

 

« No, I mean I don’t have the right word for this. »

 

« Then describe it the best you can. »

 

A sort of exercize, for himself. It wasn’t the best topic but since she brought it up, he would answer as he could.

 

For a time Yi went quiet, considering the latter. _How can I explain it ? This will sound strange_. He was torn by the request.

 

« A pull. I don’t have words to qualify this properly. It’s powerful, getting stronger for a certain time. » His hand came to his own chest, as to show this physically. « I don’t understand this at all, there is no reason. I just…need. »

 

« What need ? » Curious, as always.

 

« To hold him. I don’t know, this doesn’t make sense. I want contact, anything of that sort but just from him. No one else. Why ? Do you know why ? We are supposed to need nothing to survive yet I yearn something. »

 

A small laugh escaped Ashe and it caught him off guard. _Why is that funny ?_

 

« Please, I’m not making this up. You asked what I felt, here is the answer. »

 

« Oh my dear, this is not to make fun of you. You just happened to give the most fitting description to the word ‘attraction’. »

 

_Attraction ?_

 

« As you may know, mortals use it most of times to describe an interest found in another individual. »

 

« I know this but… »

 

« Then you understand it qualifies both physically and emotionally. » As she grinned, like she just unveiled truth for him.

 

As strange as it may be, Yi never really considered that love and many types of affection often implied a physical part. An urge to reach, touch, feel. Not for everyone but it was part of it.

 

« So you truly think this is love ? » So unsure.

 

« In my opinion, you’ve been in love for some time already and you started to feel it physically now. Just listening the way you talk about Yasuo, it seems the biggest evidence in this world. »

 

Yi wished to trust her, for all he could. But he wouldn’t. _Love ?_ The world rang in his mind but it had a sad tint. Was it truly love ? No mistake was allowed. He wanted to believe in it but at the same time there was too much risk.

If that was really the case, they loved each other. But Yi refused it at once. _I can’t_.

 

Flashback about this discussion, of love and unrequited feelings. Yasuo was convinced it would never be returned. But if Yi trusted her, it was returned indeed. Perfect, no ? But he couldn’t risk that.

 

Sadness came back to seize his being. Closing himself a little. This was a bit unfair, to know feelings were potentially mutual but making the mistake could destroy everything.

 

« …Yi ? » Always so watchful. Without a doubt she noticed this news wasn’t so happy. « What is wrong ? I thought this would be great for you two since it’s shared love but you look sad. »

 

« I can’t risk it. Telling him. » Speaking was difficult again, many emotions heavy in his voice.

 

« But why not ? It would make you both happy. » Something escaped her and she struggled to understand.

 

« I can’t afford to make a mistake. What if we’re both wrong and this isn’t love ? ….What if it was fake ? »

 

Nearly broke. Ashe came around, soothing as much as she could since she sensed sorrow.

 

« Why would it be fake ? You know what you feel. »

 

« No, I don’t know. I never loved before, how could I ? I just don’t want to hurt him… »

 

« Yi, dearest. There is no use to think like this. Only you can be sure about your own feelings but it doesn’t mean you have to doubt it. You should talk about it with Yasuo. For your sake and his. »

 

The most logical thing to do though Yi wasn’t so hopeful about it. In any case they would have to talk at some point. Better address his feelings before it got out of hands.

Slowly that spike of sadness went down, reduced for now. This was one of the aftereffects of the attack, many things happening at once and too much emotions bottled up. Right now this had been a good time to let this out without too much troubles.

 

Yi regained his composure and peace of mind. Slight burn for letting himself go but at least it was just Ashe that witnessed it. And the tiny lizard if it counted.

 

« Better ? » She offered a smile, surely glad to see him in a calmer mood.

 

« I hope so. Thank you, Ashe. »

 

« I will be watching how all this goes on. Don’t worry too much, things always get better after talking. »

 

« Are you leaving ? »

 

« My job here is done and my curiosity sated. Give Yasuo my wishes for a quick recovery, though I doubt he really needs it. »

 

A last shared gaze before she disappeared. Now he was alone with Yasuo, head filled with the latest advices. _Too much_. But maybe in the end he will see better in this mess.

 

Now he had to wait and see. Lingering at Yasuo’s side, considering his feelings and possible outcomes.

 

Sometimes he wished to be hopeful. Maybe Ashe wasn’t wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it has begun, beware


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay, bed is calling me
> 
> thank you for staying, loveliest <3

Maybe it wasn’t really a good idea to leave him alone with Yasuo. Without offending the lizard, of course. But now Yi was alone with the latter and this strange urge for contact. It would be difficult to keep himself in check since there was no one to see directly.

Still sitting in bed, close to Yasuo. Fidgeting a little or his hands would soon find a new distraction. Why did it have to happen to him ?

 

If that was a part of love then Yi wouldn’t be too annoyed by it. But again, he wasn’t sure. It would need a proper talk and maybe more time to figure that out. For now remained the need for contact. He questionned it. Was it normal to be physically impacted by love ? Just to be near, hold one’s target of affection ? There was no reason for this ?

 

Again, thinking by himself wouldn’t solve this.

 

 _I’d better go away for now_. Before he broke and crossed the limit. Yi looked in the ship for the other two. They hadn’t called for him yet. How much time went by ?

Jinx seemed to have stayed in the same room where they took care of the injured. Sona by her side, watching closely as she was repairing her prosthetic. On the floor, Malphite was deep asleep. This wasn’t surprising and he had yet to fully rest.

 

So this would be better to stay around them than fighting to keep his hands for himself in that bedroom. In any case, Yasuo wasn’t even close to wake up. Maybe next day. A simple nap wouldn’t be enough.

 

A short move then he appeared in the room with the others. Sona merely looked up while Jinx jumped slightly from the scare.

 

« For fuck sake ! Please wear a bell or anything, I like you but you will give me a heart attack. » Then she focused back on her arm, playing with a kind of battery.

 

« It wasn’t my intention, I apologize. » Sincere words and a small bow. « How are you doing ? You didn’t call me for help. »

 

Sona made small gestures, to give her message : « [In fact, we may require your help. But we prefered not to bother you two.] »

 

« Yup. It’s a bit dumb but we can’t carry Malph’ to bed. Like, for sure it’s shitty to sleep right on the floor so we wanted to make it better. But obviously he’s too heavy for any of us. Can you, I don’t know, teleport him or anything ? » Jinx added, attention still on her work though she cared about the latter.

 

 _Ah yes, indeed_. Gazing at their snoring crewmate, Yi noticed how they still made an attempt. A few pillows were brought along a far too short blanket, to make this more comfortable.

 

« Though I don’t have this power, I will help your friend. Don’t worry. Just, can you show me the way ? »

 

« Okay ! Comin’ ! » As quick Jinx ran to the door, ready to go. « Miss, I’ll be back as fast. Promise. »

 

Yi came closer to the latter and picked him up. This wasn’t as easy than with Yasuo but he would do anyway. Not a problem of strenght but Malphite sure was massive so it was challenging to find a good way to carry him without hurting him.

Eventually they made it to the room, no harm done for he was cautious as he stepped into corridors. The room wasn’t in peculiar tidy state but still better than Jinx's. With a last effort, she helped him settle her friend to bed then getting the place ready for sleep time.

 

Now it was done. Both wounded would appreciate their rest in good conditions. Always so full of energy, Jinx ran back to where they left their guest. A soft smile brightened Sona’s face when they came back.

Return to their latest task, repair the prosthetic. More like actually powering it back to function. Anyway, Jinx looked like she knew what she was doing. Making a face from time to time, some swearing too.

 

He prefered to stay with them for now, still affected by the craving for contact. Maybe it would go away soon. And it was strangely nice to listen to Jinx chatting all alone, looking up to have Sona’s opinion. Yi lingered here the same way he would with Yasuo at the beginning of their days.

 

 _Maybe it would be good to ask them_. Talking was important and having another point of view could help. This was rather personal but after all, the crew was a kind of family. He could ask.

Plus, he still remembered that one time Jinx called him with a certain word.

 

« Jinx ? What did you mean by ‘boyfriend’ last time ? » A bit abrupt but this was his plain question.

 

It made them both look up, different nuances of surprise or confusion.

 

« Huh ? What kinda question is that ? I said you were Yas’s boyfriend. Is that wrong ? »

 

« It wasn’t a joke ? » Merely curious to hear why she would use such word. There was a large vocabulary yet she chose that.

 

« Is that a trick question ? I don’t know where you’re getting at. Yes, it was also to tease him ‘cause he’s easy to target. But it’s not like you’re trying to hide this. »

 

« Hide what ? »

 

That one got her to actually stop whatever she was doing, looking right at him with serious confusion : « Are you serious ? I thought it was clear you two were together. Even Sona would agree. »

 

 _So they think we’re in a relationship_. Yi knew people never made suppositions out of nowhere, there must have been clues. So this proved a little more what Ashe said. Maybe himself was too oblivious to even notice.

 

« We aren’t. » A tad of sadness he couldn’t stop as the words went. Wouldn’t it be nice though ? To have what many enjoyed, a full and mutual understanding ?

 

« Fuck. » Loud curse as much for her latest small mistake in her work than this new information. « Then what are you two doing ? Always pining after each other, either in his bedroom or that one place at the back. »

 

« Is that so obvious for you ? »

 

Many things escaped Yi, for his condition of entity. Some of it would only be noticed by mortals since they shared norms and else.

 

« Are we bl— » Jinx interrupted herself when she saw the latter about to express something.

 

« [Yes, this seems quite clear. But may I ask : are we mistaken ? Don’t you love each other ?] »

 

« Yeah. For Yasuo, it’s so obvious it hurts to see. But do you like him back ? I don’t get it, you two are always turning around each other. »

 

« We…spend time together. You’re not wrong. »

 

« Don’t dodge the question. Do you love him too ? »

 

It always came back to this question. No matter what. Couldn’t he just believe what others said and think it was true ?

 

« I don’t know. »

 

Jinx looked like she was about to punch a wall, exasperated : « How can you not know ?? It’s easy, no ? Sona, carry this on, I’m lost. »

 

The latter nodded, a certain confusion written on her face, ready to listen.

 

Not everyone got Ashe’s patience, that was clear. Yi felt a little bad for annoying them but if he could learn something new, he would resume. What he read in Jinx's reaction sure was exhaustion for this topic but it seemed that he was late. Like watching someone struggling to understand.

 

« [Are you confused about your own feelings ? Unsure ?] »

 

« This is rather difficult to explain. I never had this kind of feeling for someone so this is very new. I care for him, maybe more than for anyone else but I fear it may not be enough to be called love. »

 

Sona frowned, serious in her expression as she moved ora to talk : « [Not enough ? If you do love him then there is nothing to be afraid of. You should talk to Yasuo.] »

 

Almost done, Jinx still tried to peek in that conversation. Always curious about other’s business.

 

« We already did. I know he loves me but he’s certain I would never return it. »

 

Here, pain. Piercing his chest. It would never disappear, each time that he mentionned it.

 

« Then just go kiss him, damnit ! Why is that so hard ? You love him, he loves you. Just show him. » She snapped. « Why am I teaching grown ass men how things work ?? »

 

« [She has a point. Why don’t you tell him it’s requited ?] »

 

« You don’t understand. I don’t want to hurt him. What if I was wrong ? What if it was just empty feelings ? I can’t take that risk. »

 

« This is bullshit. I mean, even if you don’t feel exactly the same, he’s not gonna die from it. Why don’t you just try ? »

 

« No. I want to be sure. »

 

« [Is it the reason you asked us ? You try to see if other people would confirm it ? I agree with Jinx, you should give it a try. For all I have seen and heard, I am positive you two belong together.] »

 

He was so close to actually do it. Another person agreeing. But that fear remained, powerful, cold. No matter how many told him this was mutual, his feelings were genuine, he had difficulties making an attempt.

It would ruin everything. Hurt Yasuo. On the other hand, it looked so warming just to be able to share affection. Was it worth the risk ?

 

« [You’re scared. But it shouldn’t keep you from happiness. What do you really want ? Be honest with yourself.] »

 

No lie. He never could anyway. Contrary to their beliefs. Both girls were waiting for his answer, silence in the room.

 

 _What do I want ?_ Yi already knew. It had become more clear by the day.

 

« I want to be with Yasuo. To love him. »

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> why is that so slow to move xD i swear i try my best  
> more talk then it would happen... soon....


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I never plan the number of chapters because THIS NEVER GET RIGHT AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
> 
> thank you for staying <3333

« Then all is good ! Have a nice talk with him, be a sweetheart like you already are then it’s done. Ok, I get you think differently so it doesn’t look very logic but trust us. This is mutual or I’d be damned. »

 

To hear such positivity sure was calming. Maybe not to the point of fully convincing him but Yi wanted so much to believe. In them. In these feelings.

 

 _I will talk to him_. But not now. Of course, it wasn’t possible yet. Yasuo was still recovering from the wound and in no state to have an important conversation.

Also, because Yi wasn’t so sure. A dilemma. Either say nothing – and possibly risk Jinx's wrath afterward – or try what they could have. See if that was worth. He wasn’t really happy with that risk, would prefer to do nothing and keep what they already had. But again, the yearning.

 

Maybe it would push him to move at last, when it would be too strong. At the same time, he questionned it. If that was love indeed then this would be totally acceptable.

But again, the risk.

 

Yi must have gone silent, focused on his thoughts for he didn’t really notice Sona coming closer. Just when she reached for him that he remembered where he was. Soft touch, gloved hands taking his. Quite a difference to the rougher hands he was used to by now but he didn’t mind. Looking up to meet her gaze, a gentle aura around.

 

It didn’t last long, just a short time full of peace. She stepped back and let go of his hands.

 

« [There isn’t much I know about you two but if you want my word, I can assure you that this decision is right. You seem to focus only on the negative things that could happen. But try to turn the question around. What would be the positive side ?] »

 

If not for that contact, words resonated too in his mind. _What would happen if we tried ?_ So much for focusing on the risks, while he could think about good outcomes.

 

« We would be together. » A small pause, thinking about all it could give. Already thought about how nice it would be but nothing far.

 

« [You would be together. Happy. You keep saying this could hurt Yasuo but most chances are that you will make him happy. After all, he loves you. ]»

 

It was true yet he focused so much on Yasuo’s well-being that he overlooked other evidencies. Love was meant to bring happiness, once shared and returned. It would indeed be so good to offer to the latter. But that also was the reason he backed off the first time. Yasuo didn’t want that. _Because he thinks it’s unrequited._ So there was a chance to make it up and everything would be good.

Himself wanted that so much, to give all he could to the man. Make him happy.

 

So he had to hope they were right, that everything would be fine and that his feelings were legitimate. Easy to say, difficult to do. This would wait anyway.

 

« I understand what you say. But I can’t make any promise without a proper conversation with him. I will make an attempt. »

 

A smile graced her face : « [We shall wait till then. Be sure Jinx and I will pay attention on all this.] »

 

Behind her, Jinx said nothing but had a rather serious expression, contrast to usual. Short nod, to confirm it. Then her attention focused back on her task.

 

Since there was nothing else to say, Yi considered leaving for now. Maybe return to Yasuo. Truly, he knew there was no use in that, the latter would sleep through the end of the day and beyond but he wanted to. The yearning was reduced for now, at least.

 

« Thank you, for your advice. If you don’t mind, I shall return to Yasuo. »

 

Waving goodbye, Sona returned to Jinx’s side, ready to help and chat.

 

« Yeah, yeah, go check on sleeping beauty. Nah. » Oh she sounded mischievous again, a relief.

 

« Call me if you need help again. Or anything. »

 

A last glance then he disappeared, only to appear back in Yasuo’s bedroom. Nothing had changed, everything was fine. The latter was still here, deep asleep, limbs tangled in the sheets in some unconcious move.

 

Worry down in a second, without even having felt it till he stepped into the room. Like going back home. It never changed, Yi felt glad to be at the latter’s side, no matter what happened. Quietly, he reached the bed and sat at his ‘usual’ spot, taking care not to disturb Yasuo’s rest.

 

Not a single move, understandable, he was far. Even breathing, peaceful. He could relax for now, assured that nothing bad would happen though the risk was minimal. It just appeased him, to see Yasuo healthy and alive.

 

Wanted to stay here forever, look after the man. Make sure nothing bad would ever happen again. It was getting common, this train of thoughts. A lot more when he was indeed looking at Yasuo. A need to protect, to keep safe. A need to cherish. Cross a gap then it was exactly the same urge to hold Yasuo close to him. Possibly all was linked in a mutual goal.

Always this wonder and fear, for pushing such worries on a single soul among billions of others. Not to put him above everyone else but rather a new priority. Yi was still somehow afraid of losing his neutrality. But Ashe trusted him, he would always look after all lives, not matter what.

 

It seemed that coming did soothe him but at the same time the urge for contact came back. _Oh no_. He didn’t know what else to do. Yasuo was just here, in his reach. He fought it. For a time.

 

 _Was it a good idea to come back ?_ Still not sure if he would actually give up and try something but the risk was present.

Yi fidgetted a little, thinking about leaving the Morning Star for now. Return later, once Yasuo would wake up. At the same time, he was perfectly happy to stay here. _What to do ?_

 

Nothing was happening in this universe or others. Nothing of his own resort. So he took a decision and lied down in bed.

 

This wasn’t needed at all. In fact, cosmic entities had no needs to stay alive, like sleep, hunger and else. So this was purely meaningless to do. But he did it, for the curiosity of the thing and because there was nothing else to do that allowed him to stay here. Sitting still for hours was possible but… but. Might at least lie down and see maybe what he could do later. Wait.

 

Yi couldn’t really understand this idea but he liked it anyway. To be on Yasuo’s level, not far from him. There was barely space for them not to be in actual contact, but he made sure not to cross that. Lying on his back, face turned to look at the latter in silent curiosity. It was nice. So close yet the boundary was respected. Yasuo was sleeping on his side, facing him.

Allowed him to have a good sight of him, resting.

 

A thousand things came to his mind, most of it about Yasuo. In these instants, he could feel more than usual. That ‘thing’, ready to jump out except it wasn’t the right time. The need to take care. Hold someone close. All overlapped. But he thought again, about what thay said. Love. To feel so much in the presence of a specific person, that was peculiar. Maybe it was true.

 

 _Maybe I’m in love_. Yi wished he was, to be certain. To be able to make the latter happy. Right now it was getting strong, almost violent. Grab, hold, feel. If pain did impact him with agony sometimes, this blooming feeling did too. Powerful.

 

Closed his eyes for a time, then looking any where else. Clear his mind. If rushing in these urges, he would go too far. Beyond what was allowed. Wait before the talk, maybe it would get better.

Hugged himself, to be sure his hands wouldn’t brush the latter by accident. It would be nice, to embrace Yasuo. Another wish.

 

So this inner conflict last for hours. Yi didn’t move from his spot at all. Most of time he was paying attention to whatever was going on in this universe, like he always did. Sensing harmony. The rest of it, he glanced at Yasuo. The presence itself was relaxing.

What he hadn’t been planning was the moves made under sleep. At some point, Yasuo stirred and one of his arms came to bump Yi without meaning to.

 

Not a matter, it could happen. Then little by little, as aware of someone’s presence in bed, Yasuo shuffled closer. Till he was really pressed to Yi, an arm slung over his chest and legs coming with his.

 

It happened so slowly, gradually that Yi couldn’t stop it. It was just an accident at first, then it was merely a move in Yasuo’s sleep. Then it was too late. Utterly hugged.

Some mumbling happened too but nothing making sense.

 

More Yasuo moved in their contact, more he grew restless. Not confused but worried he was doing a mistake. Should have moved away when he could. Maybe Yasuo didn’t mean to come that close. At the same time, Yi enjoyed it. Despite himself and his respect for boundaries. Oh sure his need for contact was happy and fulfilled for the moment. Perfect accident. Now Yasuo was curling up against him and it felt like the most normal thing in the world.

 

Exactly what he seeked. But wished it was shared with consent and mind. Yi didn’t return the contact, a bit stiff against the latter not to seem too pleased with that. Merely stayed there, looking at the ceiling, too aware of the quiet breathing so close.

 

It really was something. Already missed it though it wasn’t over yet. Maybe it would never happen, maybe yes. But in any case, Yi would remember this time.

 

To be held.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> again, it's getting longer than I thought. but damn i'm so fluffy rn, so soft T__T


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hell yeah, update!!
> 
> thanks for reading <333

Sadly, this peaceful time had to end at some point. Nothing was eternal, Yi knew it well. It came as gently as the global mood, slow waking. He could see it coming a little before it actually happened.

Yasuo stirred in his sleep but instead of settling back, it brought him to awareness. Himself could sense it but prefered not to look at him, for it would point out how close they were. Small moves, hands clenching before letting go, keeping contact to the near thing. Who was Yi, at the moment.

 

Then Yasuo’s moves turned startled, eyes opening suddenly to assess the situation. _Now he’s truly awake_. Despite the typical numbness following sleep, the latter looked really alert and moved at once. The first reflex was to sit up then, realizing, to put some distance.

Honestly, Yi would have seen that coming. But again, he didn’t really think before lying down and take some quiet time.

 

Now he had a confused Yasuo, putting distance back between them as it was usually. Enough to be sad again. Still no words, without taking in account the panicked swearing at first. Yi stood the latter’s gaze, sitting up too but slow enough not to spook.

 

There was a lot to understand here, in these reactions. First, maybe Yasuo was indeed comfortable in this until he finally realized he was with Yi. This would make sense, considering feelings. Second, this panicked him. Without really knowing what was going on in his mind, he could tell that this wasn’t a good idea. No matter how good it potentially was for both of them.

Yasuo had backed off fast, and now fidgetted a little, looking more than restless in his own bed. Then he seemed to notice his own state, no clothes except for his trousers and belt.

 

Sure this was quite a rollercoaster, from passing out after the healing, to wake up snuggled to someone else. Not anyone but still a shock. So Yi felt bad for causing this. Nothing as critical than physical pain or else but it still counted in ‘do no harm’. For something out of selfishness, he started to regret his choice.

 

It got to him harshly, worry bubbling up again : « Please, calm down. I’m sorry, I didn’t want to scare you like this. »

 

Yasuo seemed to relax a little, not that wild look anymore but still nothing positive in his stance. Vulnerability. _Maybe I should have left him in his clothes. But…_ Why did every attempt at attention turned into mistakes ?

 

« No, not you fault. Sorry for that, didn’t know you where here. » All in blushing embarassment, gaze now wandering anywhere else. « Erm, what did you do with my clothes ? »

 

 _Ah yes. That too_. Too many things he should have remembered. Maybe that was beyond the limit.

 

« It’s just here. I made the decision to undress you so it wouldn’t bother you in your sleep but I see now it wasn’t a good idea. » After indicating the pile of clothes, gloves and gear near the bed.

 

« It’s fine ! It’s fine. You did what you thought best. »

 

From here, Yi could see red coloring the latter’s face, as his ears too. Even more obvious since he wore nothing top. Lingered on that sight shortly before catching himself.

 

« Yasuo ? You’re distressed. What shall I do ? »

 

As he spoke, the latter got up and stepped away from the bed, looking around for something. It was clear he wasn’t really at ease for the moment. Then he found what he wanted, putting on a shirt at last.

 

« I’m alright. Don’t worry about me, not worth it. »

 

There was a pause. Yi still sitting in bed, looking at the latter, standing in the middle of the bedroom. Doing nothing, just there. Awkward would be a good description here. Himself felt that gap, silence stretching till it hurt a little. Because everything told the general tension. Yasuo allowing less contact than before, staying away.

 

 _He wants me gone_. Not a threat but not really welcome neither. Painful. Like they just went back to a previous step. He was no longer fine with having a guest in such a private place.

 

 _I still have something to do before leaving_. Yi wouldn’t contest this. If he was an intruder here then he would leave as quick. But a task remained.

 

« Just, can you let me check your wound, please ? To see if it healed properly. » And so he stood up too, making a few steps toward Yasuo though he made sure to wait his agreement before going further.

 

And the talk. Yi hadn’t forgot about it. How could he ? This was important and so much could happen from it. As much as he wasn’t so sure about the result, he owed Sona and Jinx to at least try. Short fear within him for a time before he let go.

 

« Huh ? Oh, okay. »

 

So Yasuo let him do, despite how tense he looked with all this. Again, it hurt Yi to see him even slightly reluctant to closeness. Like he seeked to get away when he could. The latter held his shirt so the previous wound was to be seen, allowing this for now.

 

Reached slowly and just before, Yi asked : « May I ? I won’t hurt you, I swear. » Always trying to soothe as much as he could but maybe it was also for himself too.

 

« Do what you must. »

 

Hands met warmer flesh, trailing down Yasuo’s side around the new scar. It went well, the cut was neat and fully healed. Another reason to worry less. Light touch yet he doubted this would hurt anyway. Really, it was tempting just to linger there a little longer, to appreciate touch. Warmth. Yi resisted that urge again and withdrew, as quick as it began.

 

« You will be alright. It scarred well, nothing to worry about. »

 

« Nice to hear. » Small laugh, genuine without a doubt but it didn’t last.

 

 _Time to go_. But they had to talk now. _Is it a good idea ?_ Yi would never know what would be the right time to talk about it. Yasuo looked rested but not so calm around him. Maybe making his feelings known would remediate to that situation or maybe it would make it worse. Again, the inner debate.

 

The gap was here. Easy to cross. Easy to hurt if done wrong. There was a move to make yet Yi was less sure as time went. _Would it be enough ?_

 

« I’m leaving soon, since I seem to bother you. But before that, I have to ask you something. »

 

Something went through Yasuo’s expression, a bit confused : « No, you never bother me ! It’s just…I’m sorry for this. Forcing you into something when I was sleeping. »

 

« Not your fault either. I shouldn’t have stayed, that is all. »

 

« Still, it wasn’t correct from me. But whatever. What do you want to ask me ? »

 

 _Here we go_.

 

« We need to talk. »

 

« About what ? » Yasuo sounded rather careful, despite how he told not being bothered by Yi’s presence. Not the best mood for a conversation but it would have to do.

 

Right then , Yi couldn’t find the right words. How to get to the point ? To be clear enough, not make any mistake ?

 

« About…about your feelings. » For lack of better idea.

 

Yasuo was about to gesture him to sit so they could talk when he actually froze. A certain gaze straight to Yi, widening in confusion or else. The awkwardness turned into something else, worse. A sort of fear in that gaze and nothing could have prepared him for that.

They were to never talk again about Yasuo’s feelings except this was directly linked to Yi’s questions about love. In no way they could avoid it. He knew it.

 

« No. » Harsh, cold. A reflex.

 

« No ? »

 

There, pain. He should have expected it. Everything in Yasuo’s stance and aura reminded of pain, for the man was so easy to read.

 

« We’re not talking about this. Not again. »

 

Tone turned cruel, hurt. Self preservation. And it echoed in Yi, already regretting bringing this up.

 

« Please, Yasuo. It’s important. » Sadness creeping slowly, an ache he felt on his own.

 

« No, it’s not. It’s over, closed. Nothing more to say. »

 

« But it would help, I’m sure. We have to talk. » Stepped closer without thinking, about to reach except this wasn’t allowed.

 

An equal step back from Yasuo and that killed him innerly. _No…_

 

« This won’t do shit ! Leave it there, it’s none of your business. »

 

Why did it hurt so much ? This wasn’t even just Yasuo’s pain. It was his own. Lurking around his soul, twisting all it could. Rough words but there was nothing worse than witnessing pain he cause himself.

 

 _I shouldn’t have tried_.

 

Wanted to say something but now words failed him. Nothing could repair what he just did. Nothing. Horrible indeed, to inflict pain to someone dear.

So he would say no more, by fear of making it even worse.

 

A last gaze, to Yasuo. Then he disappeared. Running away as far as he could. Go before he would break it beyond repair.

 

It was going so nice, only a few minutes ago. Quiet, peaceful time. The warmth of a cared one. Except he managed to turn this into pain.

 

Why was there so much pain on the path to love ? How could he still hurt without meaning to ? Many regrets followed him among the stars.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry, I made it hurt again  
> I SWEAR IT'S GONNA GET BETTER VERY VERY SOON


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OK, LET'S GOOOOOOOOOOOOO i need sleep
> 
> thanks for staying so long!! <3

Evaporated.

 

The second time he actually had Yi to leave except this time it was more brutal than ever. But Yasuo was hurt, didn’t think much of it on the instant. A few seconds before, he swore, spilling some harsh words but it conveyed exactly how he felt.

 

Never wanted to talk about his feelings again. Yasuo couldn’t see why it was brought up again, even less after he asked not to mention it.

Vain hope to put these feelings aside and wait for it to fade away. Maybe with time this would work. But it meant not thinking nor talking about it. Couldn’t bear that. At all.

 

_Why did he ask about it ??_

 

Burning thought at the back of his mind. Yi wouldn’t have asked without reasons. A lot of chances he mentioned it after what Yasuo did despite himself.

A bit unfair, to be honest but the fault was his. For a blessed time, still waking up, he thought he was safe and comfortable. Found out why the second he realized the contact with Yi.

 

Shame was fast to slap him. It was a clear case of overstepping boundaries. In his sleep there was little control he had over his yearning. Unlucky event following, he woke up having hugged Yi in his rest.

The worst was to remember how fine it felt till reality came back to make him realize his situation. _I fucked up_.

 

All this was complex but he sure knew that the limit was never to be crossed. Got a good enough warning some time ago. But it would be alright since these feelings were just a crush. Nothing more. So he had to wait, keep his hands for himself and it would go away. Just hold a little longer. Then maybe he would stop feeling like a teenager in Yi’s presence.

 

No doubt now, Yi wanted to talk to him about it. Surely he noticed how he was acting around. That last misstep was too much. What would he say ? That Yasuo was staying too close, that it wasn’t correct to actually snuggle up against someone that asked nothing.

 

So this explained how bad he snapped at Yi. Never really meant to but the topic got him innerly tired from the start. Never talk about it again. He didn’t want to hear what Yi had to say. Never. It would hurt to much, another warning to keep himself in check. Or maybe all would be lost. That link, friendship or whatever could be used to describe it.

On the instant, all that mattered was to shut the topic down. Impossible to stay calm about it. wouldn’t be ready to discuss something as personal.

 

Minutes went by. Frozen on his spot, standing in the middle of the room. Thoughts busy but gaze stuck on that same place Yi disappeared.

 

Too much. He didn’t expect to have such sudden question about his feelings. It was too important topic. Too soon. Not like there was a moment he would want to talk about it ever. He barely woke up, after some fake heart attack and blushing embarassment.

In the same day than an attack against his crew. It wasn’t nothing. Some got hurt. Malphite did, him too. There was nothing pleasant in the way that scythe managed to cut through armor, a real question since it was supposed to resist anything.

 

Too many things at once and now Yi was gone. Without a word.

 

So the day was fucked, basically.

 

Yasuo fell in bed, no more energy despite being awake for such a ridiculous amount of time. Serious topics always got him to his nonexistent patience. Rolled in the blanket, found the lingering warmth of people having slept there. All came back to the latest instant.

Lot of emotions bubbled up. Pain, that was obvious. Some of that old sadness following unrequited feelings. Today was a reminder of what he couldn’t reach. Then there was a bit of anger, against Yi. For bringing this up though there was no need.

It was childish, even him realized it. Not really Yi’s fault here, he probably just wanted to warn him a little. But Yasuo’s instinct was to be angry at him, for the unwanted pain.

 

No use to feel like this. But it stayed with that heavy mood till he couldn’t bear it. Sleep was no longer an option, he got his amount already. By the way, since when had he been sleeping ? Time seemed to have fled without a word.

 

Hunger came by too, it must have been a really long sleep then. Yasuo hesitated. Had to get out and eat but still not over that damned mood. Almost painful, heavy over his heart. Silence hurt too, suffocating. Then it reminded him that Yi left after he shouted at him.

 

Long sigh. _I have to get up and eat something_. Or he would pass out, for sure.

 

So he stepped outside, like a zombie in the ship. Strangely silent, for once. That explained why he got the second heart attack of the day, after turning at a corridor and running into Sona. She was always so quiet, everything about her was. Her steps too. Again, she dissolved into apologies, worried look on her face as he recovered from the scare leaning to the cold wall. That day was really long.

 

Aftar that accident, Sona joined him in his trip to the kitchen, saying there was some leftovers from lunch. Company wasn’t what he was eager to find but it was just her. Nothing bad could come from it. Some chatting.

 

When she was asking how he was doing, quick steps announced Jinx in the area. Then she appeared at the door.

 

« Holy fuck, he’s alive ! I was thinking the ship was completely mine now. Don’t give me hopes like that. »

 

 _No, not her…_ She was the guaranty for a headache, most of days. And right now he didn’t want to actually talk with people. Not after what happened with Yi.

 

« Fuck off. » Along a middle finger adressed to Jinx. Hoping the message would be clear enough. No mood for playing.

 

« Okayyyyy, I see someone is on a killing mood today ! Can’t believe you slept that much, just to be angry after. I didn’t even start anything. »

 

« How long ? » For this he was curious. Anyway, he had food to finish, she could talk all she wanted, he couldn’t care less.

 

« Almost a whole day. »

 

« What ?? » Nearly choked on what he was eating, not ready for that information.

 

« Yeah. Yi told it would take long after healing so fast. By the way, where is he ? »

 

For that one, Yasuo grew dead silent, before resuming what he came here for.

 

« Well ? It’s been a while we didn’t see him. Last time he said he was going back to your bedroom. Mmmh a hell time ago. »

 

Both her and Sona were waiting for his answer, silence took place in the kitchen. Yasuo sighed innerly, not ready to mention the latter so soon. Not that he tried to forget but it was painful to think about.

 

« He left. » Tried not to linger too long on these recent memories.

 

« [Before you woke up ? After ?] »

 

It wasn’t too tiring talking to Sona instead, maybe that soothing aura around her. Something neutral, almost worried crossed her features.

 

« After. So it was like errr I don’t know, maybe an hour ago. Stayed in bed a little before going to eat. »

 

Sting, sting. Thinking about him, about his own outburst, about the pain. It wasn’t happy at all, curious kind of bitterness for his own behavior but also what torturous topic was brought up.

Anyway, he shouldn’t have talked like that to Yi but the topic was more than unpleasant.

 

« Alright. » This didn’t seem to convince Jinx.

 

Yasuo saw her stepping into the kitchen, taking a sit a the table. This gave him a bad feeling, she wouldn’t go away for a reason.

 

« So, have you two talked yet ? » Almost casual, legs crossed under the table and slumped to the chair. The tone was light too.

 

« The fuck you’re talking about ? »

 

She couldn’t possibly be more annoying. How would she know anyway ? This didn’t make sense.

 

« You and Yi. Talking. Like adults do. » No laugh nor smile, she looked serious and that scared him a little.

 

Why was everything going bad ?

 

« [Jinx. I don’t think they talked yet. Maybe Yi thought it was too soon. After all, Yasuo just woke up.] »

 

_What ??_

 

« You too ? What is going on ? What are you talking about ?? » This was bordering madness. How could they take part in something between him and Yi ? If he wasn’t mistaken. But they sounded already involved, maybe having discussed this before.

 

« Oh gods, they haven’t talked. Please, I’m tired of watching this going so slow. » Jinx slumped further on the back of the chair, faked agony in her expression.

 

« [Calm down. Everything is alright. In fact, while you were recovering, Yi came to us with questions and we told him to discuss it with you. Nothing bad, I promise.] »

 

It cleared a little the ton of questions plaguing his mind for a second but Yasuo was still very confused. Yi asked them ? Maybe he was mistaken. But why would he want to talk about his feelings ? _Why talk about it with Jinx and Sona ??_

 

They told Yi to talk about it with him. Believing he hadn’t yet. But Yasuo knew that he tried.

 

« Yi talked to me. I mean, he tried. But I didn’t want to. »

 

Another pause, from both ladies here. Stunned.

 

« You refused ?? » So Jinx was the first to break the ice. « Damnit, it’s important. »

 

She seemed to lose some calm, exasperated.

 

« No, it’s not. None of your business, none of Yi’s business. Do I bother you with your personal crap ? No. »

 

« [But, did you even hear what he had to say ? This is about Yi too.] »

 

Growing defensive, not ready to have this topic again, even less with them. Why did they have to get involved in this ?

 

« I know, it’s about my feelings. So it doesn’t have anything to do with Yi. Not to be rude to you but you can’t just walk into my problems like that. »

 

« How much of an asshole can you be ?? This is about Yi’s feelings too ! And you fucking refused. »

 

« His feelings ? But he didn’t… »

 

That was it, he was completely lost. Stuck between rolling anger against Jinx, some pain from his memories and the typical exhaustion from a honest talk. Something he wasn’t aware of washed over him, blinding. _I misunderstood ?_

 

« Urg. Sona, I give up. Take care of that idiot. »

 

« I don’t understand. Why… ? » Losing it bit by bit. His gaze turned to Sona, seeking answers he couldn’t even formulate.

 

« [Yi loves you. He came to us because he’s unsure about his own feelings but we could just see how true it was.] »

 

 _Love_. Letters engraved in his mind. Yasuo couldn’t believe this yet his heart cried out for it. _No…_ Struggled to find what to say for now, words stuck in his throat. Emotion came up to make it worse. Couldn’t afford to hope, it would hurt too much.

 

« But he said he never loved… It can’t be true. »

 

« Maybe because you’re the first one he loves ! Think, damnit ! He’s in love but has no idea how it’s supposed to feel. » More on Jinx’s part, probably exhausted to see such stupidity in feelings.

 

« [Yasuo. Why are you so scared ? It’s not unrequited, we both saw and heard him. Yi wants to be with you.] »

 

This made sense, he knew it. But that vulnerable part didn’t want to be hurt. _Remember, he said he never lies_. Then Yi was truly in love ? Truth, without doubt.

So this meant too many things at once. Yi wanted to talk to be sure, possibly to confess. And he refused it. Yasuo’s heart sank. For the pain he must have inflicted to the latter, trying to protect himself. Yi was in love too. Yet he pushed him back.

 

_Oh no…_

 

At the same time, there was this incredible joy. From knowing feelings were mutual. But it was greatly diminished by the fact he made it so difficult to establish. Not even meaning to. Yi was gone after that. Out of reach.

Memories of another time, when Yi didn’t show up after the same kind of tension.

 

« I…I thought he would never be able to return it. T’was supposed to be just a crush. »

 

How could he say everything to them ? It never crossed his mind that he would end up talking feelings to Jinx, among everyone. Sona too but she was by essence very calming to be around, helping how she could.

 

« Well, I don’t know who was the dumbest between you two. It’s been some time I see you pinning like idiots. At least now you both know. »

 

« [I still have a question, if you allow me.] »

 

« Yup, go on. »

 

Still trying to grasp the extent of such revelation. _He loves me_. New fuzzy feelings, with piercing sadness too. He still had to find Yi afterward.

 

« [Yi knew about your feelings. Have you confessed some time ago already?] »

 

« …Yeah. But it was on accident. I didn’t even know I was in deep for him. »

 

Burst of laugh from Jinx, after hearing this. He should have expected it.

 

« Of course it would take an accident to get you two together. Or you’d be turning for ages. »

 

« Shut up, kid. »

 

Tension was leaving little by little, a relief. He could relax even so slightly though his brain took some time to register the importance of the information. Soon he would feel that full blast, no distraction. Till then, he returned to bicker with Jinx.

 

But Sona wasn’t finished : « [What did you tell him then ? Because when he came to us, he knew you wouldn’t even consider him loving you back. Why?] »

 

 _Ah. Yes._ This conversation. Special day it was, for both positive and negative things happening at once. Sadness seized Yasuo again, thinking about his own words to the latter. Now that he knew, it was cruel to even say that to someone, when they did return feelings.

 

« I said how I felt, I guess. Listen, it was harsh. Already hard to figure these feelings by accident, even more when the guy concerned knows too. I may have told the wrong thing. »

 

On her chair, Jinx sat back with new serious. « Okay, how much did you fuck up ? »

 

Not nice to hear but it was the truth, she could sense it. Smart on things beyond reason.

 

« You know what he is. A sort of god. Curious about love, all that stuff. He said he never loved though he wanted to see how it felt. Like, to try. »

 

« Uhuh ? I don’t see where this is going anymore. »

 

« [You refused. Am I wrong?] » There was a certain edge in how clear she was. Direct.

 

« You’re right. I don’t want a pity fuck, for what it’s worth. Not without feelings. So…I told him. I guess that’s when I made a mistake, when I explained why. »

 

« [Whatever you said, Yi believed he couldn’t possibly love you. That it wouldn’t be enough. I hope you understand this comes without a doubt from what you told him.] »

 

It stung again. At the limit of bringing tears. He never meant to hurt Yi like that but from her words, he did nonetheless.

 

« I know. » Voice strangled with emotion. Wished so much he wasn’t at the moment with them, to witness it.

 

Good thing, Jinx said nothing. He didn’t dare looking at them but he was glad for the absence of remark. He deserved it anyway but saying it aloud would hurt even more.

 

To the point of standing and leaving the kitchen, quick steps to his bedroom. Before he could break and all it meant. A bit sudden but he wasn’t ready to let that happen with them around. It was too personal, vulnerable.

Alone here, with his thoughts. To soothe the pain he inflicted to Yi as much as himself.

 

Too many things at once. Supposed to feel the luckiest man but it meant nothing knowing he hurt his love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKAY, NEXT CHAPTER GONNA BE DEADLY FOR MY POOR HEART


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKAY, LET'S GOOOOOOOOOOOOO
> 
> lot of love for you peeps!!

Never left his room since he came back here, to hide his sorrow from the others. It was painful enough, no need to have people to see this. Especially not Jinx.

 

Sitting on the floor, back to the locked door, Yasuo broke a little. Here was where cruelty led. Of course, he never meant to hurt Yi, nor anyone else. In a reflex for self-preservation, he redirected pain to the latter.

 

 _Love_.

 

He should be happy, for them. But because of his own choices, it was entirely dulled. Love meant nothing if it wasn’t possible to show and exchange it. Yasuo wished they could talk though he knew well that it would be difficult.

Last time they had such tension, Yi left for four days and came back only per his request. Now it was worse. It would be horrible if the latter refused to return. But it would be in his rights to do so. In a way, Yasuo just closed off his feelings and went deaf to it. No wonder why he left without a word.

 

This day was definitely one of the worst. Indeed, now he knew their feelings were mutual but by his own actions, it could potentially never happen.

A thought, about the waking, when he was with Yi. Now aware of this affection, it hurt badly to remember how he reacted, put some distance. So many occasions he withdrew by fear of putting Yi off, of crossing the limit. It was mutual. He could have stayed there, had they already told each other. He just made it difficult from the start, after feeling rejected that day.

 

 _My fault_. It hurt so much. To see that silence before Yi disappeared. Never saw his face so he wouldn’t know what exactly hid in his expression. But there wasn’t even an attempt at goodbye. No composure.

In a way, it was similar to that moment he asked Yi to go away, the first time. Surely the same need to be away from the other, for the pain was too strong.

 

Each memory was a new reason to be hurt. At some point, Yasuo managed to drag himself to bed, lay there wondering about how he could be so blind and oblivious. Ignorance always hurt. Gaze stuck on the ceiling, empty. Or sometimes tears came back, threatening to fall. It was useless to cry his situation, he was responsible for it.

 

There was something he could do. He had to make it up, apologize. Yasuo wasn’t stupid, he knew there was so little chance the latter accepted to come back. But he would try to call him.

So so scared, of the possibility to meet only silence. Probably what would happen but it would hurt a lot.

 

« Yi ? I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that. Can you come back ? » A bit of emotion sounding raw in it. He couldn’t help that. Always turned soft when adressed to Yi.

 

As expected, silence was the answer. Not a word, not a move. Alone. It tore his heart apart. At the same time, he had it coming. Silence as punishment for cruel words and poor behavior.

Somewhere in the universe, Yi could hear him but chose not to come. Normal, after what happened. Or maybe he even made sure not to hear him.

 

 _I deserve this_.

 

Was it worth to speak into nothing ? To let thoughts out loud, hoping he would hear ? Yasuo didn’t know.

 

« I…I didn’t know you loved me. I thought it would never happen to someone like me. Forgive me, I never wanted to hurt you like that. »

 

At least he could vent what he had on his conscience. Constant burn following memories but it wouldn’t fade away. Saying things aloud helped though. A small chance Yi heard, too.

 

« Yi…please, come back. I miss you. »

 

Then silence again, making Yasuo reconsider everything. Why keep hurting himself like that ? Each second of silence cut his heart once more. Soon it would be too much to handle and he would just lie on his side, waiting for nothing. Mercy, depression or maybe just the call of hunger again.

 

Lost track of time. Only thing he knew was how miserable it was to be away from Yi. Even before it wasn’t pleasant, because he prefered to have him by his side. Now that feelings were clear, it was hell. Wanted so much but at the moment nothing new would happen. So he waited in slow agony.

 

Went looking in his stuff for that one bottle of liquor he had. Might as well drown part of his regrets in alcohol, since there was nothing better to do. Reading wasn’t helping. Even the lizard had deserted the room some time ago, maybe frightened by the outburst earlier.

Sadly, the bottle was almost finished and he knew for sure it was the last one. _Fuck yeah…_ No one else on this damned ship drank that kind of thing.

 

Not nearly enough to get drunk. _Damnit_. Still downed what remained, for the burn of an instant. It didn’t last long nor helped blurring his mind in that haze he was looking for. No luck. So he would have to stay with his thoughts till the end, despite how loud it was.

 

Maybe if he lied down long enough in bed, he would go to sleep and hope for a better day. But life wasn’t so nice, he had already his rest for the day and next one.

 

Just him, his regrets and that emptiness in his chest.

 

~

 

Difficult for Yi to stay still, in a same place. After running away, he made sure to stay busy. At least for his own peace. Maybe if he focused long enough on his duty, he could ignore the wreck happening innerly.

Anything would do, really.

 

Despite his effort, pain was increasing. Searing, impossible to forget. That same fear he saw on Yasuo’s face, that turned to pain, to anger. Against him. This truly got him, for he never wanted to inflict it. Cosmic entities were beings of life, of love. Not supposed to have a direct negative impact.

 

All the same, Yi failed at ignoring their pain. Because they shared it. Couldn’t stop paying attention. After all, he heard when he was mentionned and that happened several times that same day.

 

That conversation. Heard all of it, despite trying so hard not to. Reflected in Yasuo’s tone, pain he caused. But many other things after that revelation. Maybe it would have been better to confess by himself. At the same time, it could be a better idea to leave that to Jinx and Sona, since the latter refused to hear more on the topic from Yi. By fear, again.

 

It went better than he would have thought. Now Yasuo knew. It was clear, they loved each other. That reaction was torturous, really. To hear the man so lost about the possibility of returned feelings. Yi was glad that it was known but at the same time it had been so painful to witness this. Yasuo wanted to avoid pain but it led them there.

 

A happy note. They were free to love now. It was stated, both knew. Though Yi stopped himself from rushing back to the Morning Star. There was indeed an extreme joy but it could hardly fade away the previous pain.

He still hurt Yasuo, even if it turned out rather alright. And above all, fear remained. Insidious, never going far. Doubt, that he would fail and not give enough. Yi hated the risk of hurting him again. Even after Ashe, Sona and Jinx gave their opinion and said it was love.

 

Mistakes could do so much harm. Still that hesitation, a step from breaking and returning to Yasuo.

 

After that conversation within the crew, he saw how the latter was impacted. Guilt, regrets. Yasuo felt it too, that was clear. That pain came back to Yi too. For things they inflicted to each other, without meaning to. Both had responsibilites.

It was extremely sad to see Yasuo like that. Consumed by regrets. Yi himself didn’t know all that the latter blamed himself for.

Never the urge to reach had been that strong. A need to recomfort, soothe the ache of the soul. But again, it came to the question of affection and Yi still had some reserves to step into it.

 

 _No, it’s mutual. It would be alright_. Yet that step was too frightening to take. What if everyone was wrong ? What if he wasn’t enough ?

 

It hurt deeply. To feel that and to hear Yasuo calling him. So tempted to join him. His name spoken lowly in a dark room, only for him to be heard. Well, it didn’t take in count all the other cosmics that could hear it if they really wanted to pay attention but whatever.

Words, resonating in his mind.

 

Yi didn’t want the latter to feel so sad. There was so much pain and anger against himself. He watched from afar, at the brink of giving up and run through space. Maybe wait a little, see if that truly was a good idea.

Even for himself it didn’t seem logic to wait like this. Not when their feelings were mutual, shared. They could be happy. If he truly was in love. Oh terrible debate.

 

Arrived a point where his metaphorical heart couldn’t take more. For two soul yearning to be reunited, it was too long already. Yi prayed for the best and matearialized in the room.

 

Truly, why wait when both had been in such pain ? He couldn’t explain it now. It seemed crazy, just to have waited that long. Now that he saw Yasuo, craving brighter than ever.

 

 _Mutual. Believe in it_.

 

At first his arrival wasn’t noticed by the latter. Lying in bed, on his side but Yi was certain he wasn’t sleeping. Far too awake for this.

So quietly he stepped by the bed, in Yasuo’s sight. Making sure he didn’t seem as thrilled as he was in the instant. After all, he was so close to him. Could almost reach for him if he sat in bed.

 

The second later, Yasuo swore, sitting up. Oh that dear look, so surprised to see him here. Yi missed it, no matter how long since the last time he saw him. It was too long anyway. Surprise left place to a soft turn but still veiled by sadness.

 

« Yi…. » Shy word in that bedroom, as he shuffled closer to him. Disbelieving tone.

 

« I’m here, Yasuo. » Equally soft. So he joined the latter in bed, sitting close but still not initiating contact.

 

Here they were, idiots having found one another. Ready to talk their feelings out.

Yasuo looked exhausted, if that was possible after the recovery he got. Maybe it was more a physical impact of the mood, sorrow and regrets.

 

A slight bow, gaze down as Yasuo spoke : « I apologize, for all I said. I shouldn’t have hurt you like this. »

 

« And I apologize too, for bringing up this topic. I remembered you didn’t want to talk about it yet I asked. I hurt you. »

 

There was a small attempt from Yi, reaching for the latter’s hand. A mere contact but for them it was more than usual. Since they had stopped by fear of inflicting pain. What a good news it was to feel him accept and return the grasp. It even had Yasuo looking up, something vulnerable in that gaze.

 

« Nah, I understand. You wanted to make your feelings known but I stopped you from it. I’m sorry… »

 

After all he saw, Yi could never bring himself to resent him. Feelings and emotions were always hard to understand and convey. It happened and none was more responsible for this.

 

« This doesn’t matter anymore. We…we love each other. » Broke a little on the end, it was really overwhelming to voice. Even as obvious as it was.

 

Small time of relief, for Yasuo. So gentle in that uncertaincy. They both craved to believe and now it was to become true.

 

« So it’s fine ? We can… ? »

 

The shared grasp tightened on instinct and it was all it took to push Yi. Yearning for so long and it seemed so close to happen.

 

« Yes. »

 

The following second, Yasuo had jumped to catch him in his arms, after climbing in his lap. Would knock the air out of his lungs, if he had any. Stunned, really. Shocked, also. But nothing came as close than that warmth pressed to him, dear presence he waited for so long. The latter held him tight, putting strenght into the embrace just for the show of affection it conveyed.

Yi was that close to break again. It was all he wanted and even more. Need more than satisfied, for having the man in his arms. It took him another second to return the embrace how he could, mirroring what he latter did.

 

So perfect. Could feel himself relax in the hug though he wasn’t aware of the previous tension. They were one now. Yasuo wasn’t really still in that embrace. A bit restless, squirming to find the right spot to settle. Face burried in Yi’s hood, searching contact.

 

Truly this was an experience. Could feel Yasuo’s heartbeat, a little faster than usual. Holding him so close, like afraid to let go.

 

Then words were whispered, right next to him : « Thank you. Really needed this. »

 

« I must confess, I had been looking forward to this for a certain amount of time. »

 

« Aww yes ? »

 

Words spoken low, there was no need for more. Just holding each other, peacefully.

 

« Indeed. I don’t know how I managed to resist the urge until now. For long I craved to stay by your side. To hold you. »

 

« Damn. I didn’t know. » Yasuo sounded plenty relaxed now, all too happy with that last development. Rocking gently, keeping Yi close to him.

 

« I can’t explain it neither. It’s such a rare thing to actually need something, for my kind. I must thank you for giving it with such enthusiasm. »

 

« All good ! I have been dying for this. Not literaly, of course ! But anything from you feels so good. »

 

On that, Yasuo nuzzled closer, if that was possible.

 

« Yasuo ? If this is alright on your part, I’d like to ask you something. »

 

« Yes ? I mean, I could refuse you nothing. »

 

« It’s on the topic of other displays of affection. Could we…could we kiss, please ? »

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm sorry  
> i swore i wanted to write the kiss for that chapter but it's damned late and i need to sleep  
> IT'S FOR NEXT CHAPTER THEN


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ayyyyyyyyyyyyyy bed now
> 
> love y'all, sweet readers <333

Should have see that coming. Of course Yasuo should have expected it but since they hugged, it was like his brain turned empty. No logic, no reason, just screaming innerly in that enraptured joy.

But, had he ever thought about it before ?

 

 _A kiss…_ This was ridiculous. How hadn’t he ever thought about it ? Was he so defeatist ? It may explain it.

 

In a second, he lost it. Well, everything was going for the best. He was in Yi’s arms, the closest they could even get in such a setting. Wanted to stay there forever. Word ringing in his head. Kissing. It would be awesome. Already dying for this too.

Already kissing it itself was nice but now that he considered doing it with Yi, he hoped his heart could hold on.

 

In this fuzzy panick, Yasuo almost forgot to answer. So he managed something, despite how little composed that question left him.

 

« I’d love to ! Just a second please. »

 

A hand rubbing his back, soothing. It was as much appreciative for him than for Yi, it would seem.

 

« A second ? Do you want me to wait ? We can try another time. » Something in his voice, not really bothered but sure impacted by the latest moves. There was so little clues about Yi’s state, from his condition as entity but every tiny detail was worth it.

 

« No ! Not what I meant ! I-I’m just really really…I don’t know ? Thrilled, excited ! Don’t be scared, I’m just too happy. »

 

Fumbling so much with his words, from the intense emotion of the instant. That warmth, filling his chest. Vibrant feeling. Thought he would pass out if he didn’t calm down a little. So Yasuo tried to even a little his breathing, though staying right where he was on the latter’s lap. _Calm down, calm down !_ Face still buried in Yi’s hood, so they were completely pressed to each other. Meant to fit this way. Plus, it was really nice how their body temperatures weren’t exactly the same. The contract cooled him down.

 

« Oh. I see. »

 

Simple words from above him but he could detect that same happiness in the tone. Yi held him a little tighter, caressing his back. Like he couldn’t get enough. Alway seeking new contact, making sure he was still here.

 

« So you want to kiss ? »

 

A bit of curiosity, for himself hadn’t been able to think about it yet. Like, no idea why. But of course the urge would have come up sooner or later. It just baffled Yasuo to see he was late on that. Now that it was suggested, his mind raced. Imagination picturing already the instant. How could a man crave so much from a exchange rather ‘light’ ?

 

Yi took a short time considering the question before speaking : « This seemed to be the next step, rather normal to follow for you kind. And also because I’d love to try. Mortals always seemed to give this great importance. »

 

 _A couple thing_. Red came to his cheeks though his face was still hidden against Yi. So not betrayed yet by his own reaction.

 

« Yup, you’re right. » Damn everything, he wanted so much. Yasuo moved away though remained on his spot, so he could face the latter properly. « I’m good. We can…do it. »

 

No idea why he was blushing so much this day. No matter what he did. Looked like his own body liked to make fun of his own craving.

 

Then they froze. Both of them, at once. Sharing a gaze but this was the exact reason of that stop. _AH. The mask_. Of course if they were to kiss, the mask had to be taken off. And that mere idea got Yasuo weak. Because Yi never showed his own face, even when he asked to see, by curiosity.

It seemed that neither thought about this ‘little’ problem.

 

« Ah. » Same reaction from Yi except it wasn’t really visible. But he still tensed a little, which resulted in the grasp they kept. Then he looked away, a shy manner. « I didn’t think about it. »

 

« It’s alright ! We don’t have to. I mean, if that’s too incorrect to ask you. I won’t be mad. »

 

« No, I really want to kiss. And…I don’t mind if it’s you, who get to see me. »

 

That was a big show of trust and it got Yasuo more in love. Already touched by the request but now this. Yi sure was aiming for his heart.

 

Just as he was about to reply something equally sweet, Yi moved from the grasp to instead pull off his hood. This seemed to go with a trick of his, the mask disappearing at the same time, into thin air.

Words left him.

 

Even his mind went blank at the sight of the entity he grew to love. Not once he tried to imagine what was under the mask, because there was so little chances it looked like what he already saw before. But he would never have been ready for this.

Quite masculine face, skin tone around the same than his body, which meant deep blue. Looked still rather human-like in shape but for all colors it was too foreign. Instead of white, eyes were black as stark contrast for blue pupils – slightly darker than skin. Silvery hair, flowing till shoulders except for a small tie behind.

 

It wasn’t just the appearance. It was also the life under the mask. For all the time Yasuo struggled to understand his reactions behind, now it was obviously easier. So much emotion in Yi’s features. He could get what he felt. And right now he was averting his gaze, a very human emotion of sweet shyness.

 

 _Gorgeous_. Yasuo was at loss for words. Wide gaze directed to the latter, taking as much as he could see of that instant. Entities had no bodily functions so no blood so it meant no blushing though he was positive Yi would be if he could. Something vulnerably open, not meant to be seen.

 

 _Fuck, I’m so gay_. Couldn’t believe how everything from his love was challenging his control over himself. And he was about to kiss him. _Dear gods, thanks for my life_.

 

At some point Yi looked up tentatively, surely because no words nor visible reaction came from him.

 

« Please don’t stare ». There was an instinct for him to cover his face, hand coming up but Yasuo caught it before he could.

 

« No ! Ahhhhhhh sorry for staring but damn. Like, do you even know what you look like ?? And I’m supposed not to stare ? Sure I’m glad not to be blind, this would have been a tragedy not to see you once in my life. » Words spilled so easily, praise running without a chance to stop it. But he would never stop. Yi was beautiful like it wasn’t allowed, all in a strange way, far from standards. « Why would you hide under a mask ? »

 

All these kind words seemed to touch Yi and this time, the reaction was visible. Yasuo couldn’t get over it. Sharp features softened by sweetness, enough to look away. He wanted so much.

 

« This…this is my choice. I prefer not to show myself to others. I don’t really appreciate being read, just from a glance. »

 

 _Oh…That’s why._ A particular kind of shyness, Yasuo wasn’t really wrong. Well, Yi did succeed at hidding his reactions, that was clear. But himself craved to see anything from him, including reactions. So he would enjoy till the end, to see him bare.

 

« Thank you. For letting me. »

 

« …It’s not easy for me. But I trust you enough not to mock or anything. »

 

« I would never dare ! You’re the most stunning, handsome guy I ever saw. Please don’t hide from me. » On this he held Yi closer, to show his dedication. There was so much to communicate in words than in actions. Both were good.

 

Still some troubles to even his heartbeat, this wouldn’t let him at peace. Not while being in a beautiful person’s lap. Why stay calm anyway ? This was his heaven, no more care for the rest of the world.

 

« You’re too kind. »

 

Little by little, they ended up closing distance. To the point where Yasuo couldn’t avoid thinking about something else. _Aye aye !_

 

« Yi ? Do you still want to ? » Spoken very lowly, as afraid to break the spell. This time, Yi was meeting his gaze again, new determination.

 

« Yes, please. »

 

Not even waiting, Yi rushed closer and pressed their mouths together. So quick, Yasuo may have lost it once more. Shocked by the actual feeling of lips against his own, and hasty hands over him. _Oh_. It wasn’t so much for the novelty of this move than the cheer affection showed by Yi. He wanted this and it was so genuine, leaving him weak. The kiss itself was clumsy. More like an eager press against each other, made sweet by the feelings unleashed. It wasn’t perfect but they had all time to do more.

Then it dawned on Yasuo that this was probably the latter’s first kiss.

 

 _WAIT. Oh gods_.

 

Really, a fair amount of chance Yi never kissed before. This was the reason he was so curious about any displays in couples. Wanted to experience it.

So it was obvious in that first attempt, for Yasuo. After the initial shock – and all the meaning that came to make him dizzy – he couldn’t help that laugh. Sweet feeling washing over him, exhilirating. His first. This was overly touching.

 

So he parted, leaving a rather confused though smitten Yi. The hold stayed, hands on each other as they shared a gaze. Incredible, each new emotion he could see on that face. Something so true, far from the mask.

 

« I’m sorry, this wasn’t— »

 

« Shh it’s was good !! I liked it ! And now I’ll show you how to make it feel even better. »

 

Craddled Yi’s face, hands gentle as tried to find the right indication to follow. More red gracing his cheeks, for the closeness. In return, the latter’s hands settled down on his waist, waiting.

 

« Just, tilt you head a little. And open up when it feels right. »

 

This time he was the one going for the kiss, Yi letting him the freedom to do whatever. Closed distance and claimed those lips in a display he wished soft. This was already better, slow. Then Yasuo seized the occasion to deepen it.

A noise ended up muffled, from the latter. So small yet it made Yasuo nearly lose his mind. It was so good. Started to move against each other, shy brush of tongue relishing the strange feeling. Indeed it was peculiar. Slightly cooler, not in a bad way. The taste itself had nothing to do with humans. Not artificial but something clean, pure. So hard to explain.

He couldn’t hold back anymore. Yasuo kept his hands to either sides of his head, yearning. Like a starved man. Clung to Yi little by little as he learned to move along.

 

Maybe got a little to much into it but Yasuo didn’t care. It was so good, to hold, to kiss, to forget everything but him. Yi was getting it and got bolder. A certain harmony, sweet exchange. At some point, passion took literally over and Yasuo had them toppling on the mattress. The latter landed on his back, contact unbroken and kiss still going. Air running short too but Yasuo would go on till he had to part. Wished he hadn’t to stop.

 

So he had to break away, body screaming for oxygen again. Still leaning close to Yi, contact maintained. In this position he sent them in, Yasuo was straddling him without an ounce of care. All that mattered was him and that sweet joy of holding him close.

Though his lungs burned a little, for being asked so much effort.

 

« Breathe, breathe. It’s important for you. »

 

Under him, Yi had no clues of visible bother like mortals would, as blushing or heavy breath. But there was this hazy look in his eyes, a bit gone from that thorough making out. His hands never left Yasuo, soothing gestures while he recovered.

During it, he took no rest and gave any kind of affection he could. Many pecks on his face, without coordination but all in the intent. It truly gave him so much happiness, to feel Yi relax under such offering.

 

A smile.

 

Yes, thinking about it, the first one he got to see. Couldn’t feel more blessed that day. His heart melt without a doubt.

As soon as he could, Yasuo dived again for a true kiss, searching that liquid joy found in every interaction.

 

The magic in all that, Yi let him do. And returned the kiss with equal passion, moving with him. Holding him so closer, to never let him go. Yasuo felt it.

 

 _Love_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IDK, WRITING THIS FELT MORE SELF-INDULGENT THAN THE MOST SPICY FICS I WROTE  
> *aziraphale's voice* I'm soft  
> YES, WHERE IS THE PLOT, HUH? I ATE IT, NAH. TAKE SOME FLUFF INSTEAD  
> and now i shall sleep


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mmmmmmmmh let me roll in fluff, it's so nice
> 
> thanks for reading, you're so many giving kudos :OOOOO

Oh this last a long time, really. Despite Yasuo’s human condition and the limits it put, he took advantage of each available second to keep contact. Difficult by now to count how many kisses they shared, it got lost in that explosion of feelings.

 

Under him, Yi didn’t seem to mind the position. More than happy to be the target of this rain of tiny attentions. So they kept going, playing at the limit of suffocating. Though the latter each time made sure he would breathe again. Always so careful.

 

Time fled but none cared. Why would they ? They were happy right now, under mutual affection. For Yasuo, this could last forever and he wouldn’t even complain. All too sweet to have Yi right there, in his arms, just in reach for another kiss. By now he learned enough to reciprocate, deligthful time.

A rush of feelings, some giggling on his part to finish on a shared laugh then they went back at it. The cycle ran again and again. Quite normal, Yasuo was far from tired and too excited by all this to even calm down a little.

 

Sometime they stopped for a short time, looking at each other and it slapped him so hard each time. Love. How good it felt to feel it and return it equally. Never letting go, Yi had this open gaze on him. Something so soft, happiness itself. Seeing that, Yasuo felt important beyond limit. Heart aching but in the sweet way. _I love him so much…_ No words could exactly describe it, the feeling of holding someone else so dear.

 

No care for the position he was in, actually straddling Yi. Nothing could break the tender mood. How beautiful that moment was. To be able to reach without fear, to kiss and sense a mirrored joy.

 

One particular moment rendered him temporarly speechless, when Yi reach for his face. Soft touch, smooth but what truly got to him was the gentlesness in the gaze. And his words.

 

« Yasuo. I…I think I love you. It feels right. » A whisper just for him.

 

It was already stated, they both knew yet it was something to hear it with such determination. Remembered that till then, Yi wasn’t sure this would be enough, that he was actually in love. This confession was heartfelt, because he trusted himself and Yasuo.

 

At the moment, so much effort not to get misty eyes after that. Yasuo had to lean into him, hide his face as it burned red. _How can he be so honest ?_ His heart had to be strong or he would pass out each time.

 

« No, don’t hide, my dear. I want to see you too. » So close to him, murmurs.

 

So Yasuo stood his gaze, just to feel his face heating up again. It really was filling, to experience mutual love. There was nothing to fear, he could trust. For someone used to show off, he fell for the only person that made him feel like a teenager again. Strangely touching. Maybe because he could see right through him, never fooled.

 

Shared gaze, as Yi took the opportunity to pull him into another kiss. Kept the lead in it though it remained soothing. Slow brush of tongues, like afraid to hurry things would cut their time together. But they had all they wanted. Hands on either sides of his face, keeping him there as he melt on the contact. _He’s getting good at it. Damn_.

 

Eyes closed, enjoying the aura of peace around them while the kiss last. Then silence was broken, noise from an empty stomach resonating in the bedroom. _Ah, yes_.

This had Yi to let him go, just enough to share a gaze. Truly incredible, to get to watch each single emotion going through the latter. Right there, Yasuo found surprise in such innocent way.

 

« You should have told me you were hungry. Now, let’s stop this so you go to eat. »

 

« Sorry ! I didn’t really think about it. Feeling too many things at once. » This was a little ridiculous but from all they said since then, it was understandable.

 

But not for Yi, it would seem. Head tilted slightly, confusion written on his face. _Ohhhhh so that’s what he looked like all this time !_ Overly adorable.

 

« You’re making me feel funny, it’s so strange. » Good hearted laugh, for this wasn’t easy to explain. How love impacted physically. « I think my heart gonna stop at some point, you’re too damned cute. »

 

« No ! It wouldn’t be alright. What can I do to help ? »

 

Always watchful. Because he didn’t understand everything that came with mortality, Yi sometimes worried uselessly. But it was sweet to witness, such care for him. _Yup, gonna kill me softly_. And bring him back to life at the same time.

 

« Nothing ! It’s normal, just comes with love. Don’t worry about me. Now, let’s move. Actually, I’m starving. »

 

Right then he realized the position he stayed in all this time. Did that blush could get even darker ? The answer was yes. _Oh fuck_. In another context, it would have been greatly inappropriate. Good thing Yi never registered things of this sort.

 

So Yasuo moved out of bed though held a hand out to the latter. Contact was sweet to keep, even just this. Yi accepted it and followed.

Another sudden urge came up and Yasuo didn’t resist. He embraced him, strong grasp to communicate once more all that he felt for Yi in that instant.

 

« Hey, handsome. Come with me ? If you don’t have anything to do at the moment. »

 

Yi paused before answering, looking somewhere else : « I will follow you. It doesn’t seem to have something important happening at the moment. And if it did, they would be available to take care of it. »

 

« Oh, right. »

 

A short peck given, on his right cheek then Yasuo went to get outside. It was sweet to feel Yi by his side, holding his hand, laced together. Guided him through the ship, even though there was no real use. He would never get lost.

A look back and he noticed how Yi lowered his hood now that they were out of the bedroom. Maybe in case they ran into someone else. Again, heart doing loops at the thought that he was the only one getting to see him maskless.

 

Once more, Yasuo found Malphite in the kitchen. _Oh, he’s awake_. He looked fine, in much better condition than a day before. At the moment trying to cook something – which was rather difficult for him – when the two others arrived.

 

« Hell yeah you’re awake ! Doing fine ? »

 

The answer was some cheery waving, before focusing on what he was doing.

 

« Glad to see you up though I guess we’re now two to have fucked our sleep time. Okay, let me cook us something, I need some too. »

 

Went to replace Malphite, both knowing the extent of his skills in that domain. Just before that, he squeezed Yi’s hand, as promise to get back to contact soon. And leaned into him shortly, for the closeness.

 

While they waited, Malphite sat down at the table. Yi seized the occasion to ask some questions.

 

« Tell me, are you doing alright ? Everything healed well ? » Cautious gaze over the crewmate.

 

« Fine ! » Loud and clear, along a thumb up. That was some good news, since Malphite was the most wounded after the attack.

 

Once food was ready, Yasuo joined them fast at the table. Now both injured got what they wanted. As reflex, the latter sat by Yi’s side, taking his chair as close as he could. During their meal, he remained there, basking into their minimal contact. Knees bumping a little, grasp shared under the table when he could.

 

The rather busy mood was interrupted by loud steps, running straight to the kitchen. Here came Jinx, all in sparkling energy no matter the time.

 

« Big guyyyyyyyyyy !! »

 

No rest, she jumped to hug her friend, who welcomed her without problem despite being eating at the moment. These two shared a good laugh, while Yasuo and Yi watched this kind scene happening.

Then Malphite let her down, back to her feet and resumed.

 

« You look ready for troubles again ! Hell yes ! »

 

Nothing would tire her for now, too happy. Jinx finally calmed down a little, looking at the two others.

 

« Oh hey ! » Then a pause, suddenly silent. Surely memories caught on. « Wait, how you two going now, huh ? Haven’t seen you in a while. »

 

There, squinting at them. _Shit. She was involved_.

 

It was Yi who answered, quiet words in contrast to her boisterous presence : « It’s solved. We’re together now. So I must thank you and Sona, for the insight given. »

 

Clear, direct. _Aye, she won’t shut up now_. Yasuo wasn’t so glad to know she had meddled in all this but since it helped somehow, he couldn’t be too mad at her.

 

« I knew it ! Oh boy ! Congrats to you two, for at last stopping being clueless idiots. One less thing to worry about. »

 

« Shut up, not your business anymore. » Back to their usual fights. For sport.

 

Under the table, he could feel Yi squeezing lightly his hand. Just a shared gaze but enough to soothe.

 

So glad to have him here, close to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKAY, QUESTION TIME  
> like, soon all this gonna slip to the initial goal of this fic, which was supposed to be a PWP. this didn't happen, the whole fic ended up being a 45k introduction wiht feelings and plot. done  
> here is my question: do I make a separate fic for all the smutty content? I know there was already some in the fic so it is condemned to remain rated E. But what would you think about it?  
> a separate fic would allow to tag all the heated stuff. but it will still follow the actual chronology, events. just cut for the innocent souls that don't want to see that.  
> so choice is yours! in any case, that's fine for me but i can't really chose alone xD


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TOP, last chapter!!! but please take time to read the end note! This isn't over!
> 
> Thanks for reading <333

The happy reunion in the kitchen came to an end at some point. It was very late, even though Malphite wouldn’t go back to sleep before a hell of time. So he followed Jinx, after finishing his meal. Herself wasn’t supposed to be awake at that hour but she sometimes worked in her workshop. And so she would keep company for her best friend.

 

On Yi and Yasuo’s side, they watched the first two leave the kitchen, source of noise going far. Not much said, they stayed here till Yasuo was done. Comfortable silence, sharing a grasp as much as they could.

 

It was really sweet for Yi, to discover how easy it was to reach for the latter. How much he allowed or even seeked. Had been afraid for a time that he would bother Yasuo but in the end it was mutual. Both craved contact so it was for the better.

Still keeping an eye on events out there but his intervention wasn’t required, if that happened. All he could do was to look after his own mortal, right now busy with his plate of food. Really, what an occasion to follow him in his dayly life.

 

Gazes shared from time to time, always enough to make them both smile. This reflex was interesting, for Yi. No idea why he couldn’t stop himself from smiling when looking at Yasuo. _He’s so precious_. In return, he would squeeze lightly his hand, sometimes give a peck. Oh the blush was beautiful. So wonderful to earn such a reaction to a mere contact.

 

Once it was done, after Yasuo went to wash the dishes with some help, they left to somewhere else. At the moment the latter couldn’t find sleep, it was too early for this. Back to the bedroom.

 

Yi appreciated to stay nearby. It didn’t change from his usual sight over everything and everyone but proximity sure was nice. How dear, how Yasuo never really let go. Always some kind of contact kept, lingering hands. They lay in bed, doing nothing but relishing presence. It felt good.

His peers were right to notice how he came to idle at the same place.

 

 _Ah yes, Ashe_.

 

Sitting up, Yi asked his newly lover : « Yasuo. I have to speak to our queen. Do you mind if I talk to her from here or do you want me to leave ? »

 

Received a cute wide gaze, interest sparked : « Your queen ? Like, she would come here ? »

 

« No, we don’t have to. We can simply talk to each other from our own situations. »

 

« I’d like to see here, though. Just by curiosity. »

 

Somewhere, a small laugh resonated. It rang in Yi’s mind too, without surprise to hear her paying attention.

 

**« I see I’m required here. Worry not, I shall come fast. »**

 

« If you agree then it would be an honor, my queen. » Spoken out loud, to her.

 

Yasuo noticed the change but this time he was getting used to it. To not being aware of all the conversation between entities.

Quick, Yi sat up properly in bed, to present enough respect to their future guest.

 

Indeed, a few seconds later, Ashe appeared in the room, in all majesty. This actually had Yasuo to do the same and jolted upright when he saw the new person in there.

 

« Wow, that was fast. »

 

« My apologies, if I scared you Yasuo. » She bowed graciously, before adressing a gaze to him.

 

From Yi’s point, he saw the latter again so impressed by another entity’s physical form. And he was right to be. Ashe was beautiful by many standards. Each time she happened to come in direct contact with mortals, civilisations, she was remembered for her beauty too. Golden white hair, chizeled features and piercing blue eyes. All to sing poems to, of her just and gentle justice, ruler of cosmics.

 

It took Yasuo a small time to speak again, a bit lost : « Nah, I’m fine. Not the first time I see someone come from nowhere. »

 

« Would you like to sit too ? » Yi prefered to make sure and offer. After all she was his queen.

 

« No, I won’t stay here too long. Tell me, dear, what did you wish to tell me ? » Soft words, especially to Yi.

 

« I wanted to thank you. For us both. It wouldn’t have happened if you didn’t come to talk with me about it. » He always wanted to thank everyone that gave him such opportunity for love. Forever grateful.

 

« Oh but you don’t have to. Truly, I always wish for the best to everyone and you two seemed to have such potential. » So kind, as she made a few steps closer to the bed. Rached for Yi, a small soothing gesture.

 

« You two talked ? »

 

There was a hint of nervosity in Yasuo’s tone, probably because he had been the center of attention of several entities for a time.

 

« Yes, I told you so. Our queen is the one who suggested you had feelings for me. And then later she helped me figuring these out. »

 

To calm his worry. Yi also maintained their contact, hands laced together as he talked to him.

 

« I understand it must be special and maybe frightening to hear about immortals discussing one’s feelings but I meant no harm. In the end, it was useful but I’m sorry for the few matters met on the path. »

 

A certain blush came to Yasuo’s cheeks, for being understood so fast. « Aye, not your fault. But yeah it’s a bit weird at first. »

 

« I must confess, this was most of times greatly entertaining to watch. For the happy bits and shyness displayed. Really, Lulu and I were happy to see how it went. »

 

Here came the faint playfulness. It made Yi sigh innerly, for she never really changed.

 

« Hey ! It’s supposed to be private. » Yasuo pouted a little, clearly embarassed to have made such a show for them.

 

« But we’re glad you finished together. Such a relief. We always wish the best for our dear Yi and you seem the perfect person for him. »

 

Saying this kind of thing while Yi was just here, that was special. But he didn’t feel that much shame or embarassment, unlike mortals. Instead, he was still very happy to hear her repeat they were meant to find each other.

 

« Still, it’s not relaxing to know goddesses out there are gossiping. I just want to be left at peace with him… »

 

Following this, Yasuo came closer to him and took him in his arms, for that sweet contact.

 

Ashe didn’t seem upset by his words, chuckling at the gentle display. « We won’t interfere, I promise. Sorry for all this. »

 

If for an instant Yi was taken in that hug, he quickly remembered the presence of his queen. But Yasuo sure was distracting when he seeked affection.

 

« In any case, thank you for all you did. I would never forget it. »

 

Again that kind gaze, as she stepped away : « My pleasure, to give insight. Now, I shall leave you two. Enjoy your time. »

 

A bright smile then she was gone. Yasuo barely had the time to look at her, she left. Right after he properly cuddled with Yi, craving a kiss. Had to wait for a second, as he took the hood down again. Then it was good and the latter took over the opportunity.

 _Oh, he was holding back_. It was pretty clear, how now he was clinging to him and sighed happily into the kiss. Not too demanding but rather satisfaction for being that close again.

 

When they parted for him to breathe, Yi asked softly : « So, now you have met our queen. You seemed to be amazed. »

 

Against him, Yasuo kept the grasp, far too happy to be there : « Oh yes. Well, you weren’t wrong, she’s beautiful. Ya know, she reminds me of you. »

 

« Indeed, we’re both cosmic entities. So I would say it’s normal to think that. » Still a bit confused by that statement.

 

« No, not like that. I mean, her eyes were really nice but I think it’s because it looks like yours. I love your eyes. »

 

Pink came again to Yasuo’s cheeks and this was another clue for the gentle confession. Yi wanted so much to cherish him in that instant, love him forever. _So cute_. It was so touching to hear he liked one of his physical traits. What he chose to look like. Enough for Yasuo to see him through Ashe.

 

Next kiss was Yi’s initiative, catching his lover’s breath to communicate the sweetness of such feeling. Arms traveled up, to keep him close and give all he could.

Though he made sure not to kiss him for too long, keeping in mind Yasuo’s limit in oxygen. The soft gaze he was give in return was so unfair, making him want to kiss again.

 

Give, again and again. Receive and give back. All this was so nice. Especially when it was Yasuo that clung to him during their kisses.

 

~

 

At some point Yi had to go away and restore harmony in the universe. It was his duty so he left though it meant enduring Yasuo’s sad gaze after their goodbye kiss. Hopefully, it wouldn’t take too long and soon he would return to his beloved.

 

It took a little longer than expected. So he returned to the Morning Star, around mid morning. Such a peculiar time. Jinx was gone to sleep after chatting all night with Malphite. Him, he didn’t. Just wandered in the ship, looking for someone to talk with or have fun. Lucky, Sona was up, for being the only one here to sleep at normal times. And waking up in the morning, a sort of habit.

 

When he returned to Yasuo, he was reading in that room at the back of the ship. Quiet, the lizard napping on a pillow left for it nearby. So when he appeared, that first gaze was so loving. Like falling again for him. Lasting kiss shared, till he couldn’t hold it.

 

Then it was just them. The latter having climbed on his lap, to resume his reading. Yi was happy to feel him leaning against him, peaceful. Kept all contact that could be taken, hands lingering on Yasuo. Like this, he could leave from time to time a peck, to his cheek of forehead, wherever he wanted. In exchange, the latter nuzzled closer and/or kissed him shortly.

 

 _Perfect_.

 

It was indeed interesting to see how even the smallest interaction kept him alive – not really of course – and so relaxed. Like a mutual gift, state of mind mirored. Warmth was also very good. Yasuo was pressed to him, familiar presence.

 

Little by little, he felt him falling asleep. It must have been some time since he rested. It was rather tricky, once natural rhythm was broken, since it took time to get back to something normal. At a moment, the book Yasuo’s was reading fell to the floor in a quiet noise. All his weigh leaning into Yi, face resting against his collarbone.

Even for this. Sleep. He felt important, to be allowed to see him so vulnerable. And now it wasn’t a problem at all. Yasuo stayed in his lap because he felt comfortable right there.

 

By a semblance of instinct, Yi kept his arms around him. As to protect from any harm. It was nice, lively being against him, in this time of rest.

 

 _Maybe I should bring him to his bed_.

 

But Yasuo didn’t seem in a deep rest, he would wake up at the smallest move. _Hmm, what to do ?_

 

While he was debating, Yi noticed a visitor. The door didn’t make a sound but he heard Sona quietly stepping into that room she didn’t really know. Curious gaze over the place, to fall then on Yi and his sleepy companion.

So she came closer.

 

« Hello. » Spoken low, not to bother Yasuo.

 

It was indeed a surprise to find her here but he should have seen her coming. Sona moved ora, to greet him in return. Always quiet looking, fleeting aura. At the moment she looked peaceful too, curious gaze though.

 

« What is it ? » Yi was curious too, about that gaze. _Ah, she didn’t hear about us since yesterday_.

 

« [I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to bother you. It just never really came to my mind that you wore a mask most of times.] »

 

Yi wasn’t expecting that. Of course he forgot to hide, since he was in a private setting with Yasuo. Really, he was starting not to feel the difference, mask or not. On reflex he put back the hood and mask, nervous reaction.

 

« [No ! It’s alright ! Don’t feel like you have to cover your face. I was just surprised, to discover what you look like.] » Fumbling with her ball of ora, a cheer scene of embarassment and apologies. « [I don’t have words to describe you but you’re definitely one of a kind. Ethereal beauty. Like admiring a nebula.] »

 

Mortals seemed to always have kind words for him, even his looks. Yi didn’t know what to do with himself.

 

« You don’t have to apologize. I should have thought about it. And, thank you. Really. »

 

A bit unsure, he decided to let the mask down for now. Sona wasn’t the kind to make fun of him and after all these compliments, he couldn’t help that. Such sweet words, it brought him back to Yasuo. Dear Yasuo, asleep in his arms and always so eager to praise.

 

« [It’s a bit surprising to hear of a self-concious god. But don’t feel like you have to show yourself to me. Do as you prefer.] »

 

« [I don’t really mind, if it’s you.] »

 

For a time Sona looked at him like deep in thoughts, a smile coming to light her face : « [So I can safely suppose you’re comfortable enough to be as you are around Yasuo. It’s sweet to see. And yes, I get that you two are now together. I’m happy for you.] »

 

« He’s…not difficult to be around. Safe, indeed. And yes, we have solved our tensions. Thank you Sona. »

 

The conversation went on, still rather low from his part just in case.

 

« [Oh, I merely meddled in someone else’s business. So I’m glad to hear it was useful. It hurt a little to see you two so unsure about certain love.] »

 

« You did good. Maybe that was all it took. A little push. »

 

Without even thinking about it, Yi was smiling. Again the contact got to him, to make him realize how nice it was to be one. Held Yasuo a little tighter.

 

Sona expressed nothing, a gentle smile on her face too. Happiness was nice, to make happen and to give.

 

A few moments later, Yasuo stirred out of sleep. At once Yi felt that urge to hug him, kiss him, anything. The latter merely sat up on his lap, moves slugish from his nap. It seemed that he still had some awareness, going on instinct to embrace Yi. Then kiss him, all slow and languid. _Oh…_

So Yi didn’t fight it, though he knew too much that Sona was sitting not far and surely she missed nothing of that. But Yasuo craved that sweetness, clung a little harder and went to deepen the kiss. A bit sloppy though, numbed by sleep, but the feeling was given.

 

Before he would possibly panick, Yi decided to part from the kiss and spoke softly to him : « Welcome back dear. But before you carry on, let me warn you that Sona is here. »

 

Head tilted, still very clouded, Yasuo stared at him. Then it hit home. Tensing at once, a curse escaped him as he looked around. But Yi never lied, she was here indeed. Gaze averted by embarassment, for witnessing a private exchange. Sona looked almost sorry to even exist in that instant.

 

« [I’m sorry ! I shouldn’t have stayed that long.] »

 

But not nearly as mortified than Yasuo, blushing something fierce. In some dumb reflex, he moved from Yi’s lap and sat after putting some distance.

 

« N-No ! Not your fault ! I-I-I…. » Then he surrended to panick, stood up and ran away.

 

Truly, Yi wasn’t expecting such a reaction but strangely he found something cute in it. The two others shared the same embarassment, it wouldn’t be too bad. Nothing serious. But still, to see Yasuo put distance hurt a little. _I should find him_.

As his gaze followed the latter, he could indeed see that he went back to his bedroom and sat down at the door, face in his hands.

 

« I think he will be fine. » As much for him than Sona, looking more than anxious for what she caused.

 

« [Oh I never wanted that. I thought it would be alright. I’m sorry, Yi.] »

 

So small, helpless. He tried to soothe her as he could, finding the right words.

 

« Don’t worry. It was an accident. Now he’s back to his room, I think he will recover. » Small gesture, contact to calm her down. It seemed to work. « I shall find him again. Sorry for all this. »

 

A last nod from her, still very worried. Then he appeared in Yasuo’s bedroom, close enough to him.

 

« Yasuo ? Are you alright ? » He hoped this was just a case of panick mixed with the surprise of waking, that there wasn’t another problem he hadn’t seen.

 

« Yup yup yup. Perfectly fine. »

 

The latter stood again, pacing in the room like recovering from a scare. So Yi went to catch him in his arms, hug him still.

 

« Really ? Tell me if there was a problem. »

 

« No, it’s fine. » Small laugh, it seemed to go better. « Just, I didn’t know how to react. I know, it was just Sona. She’s sweet, wouldn’t have said anything like Jinx but I guess I panicked. Sorry, did I scare you honey ? »

 

It turned sweet again, soothing Yi at the same time. So there was no real matter.

 

« Yes, a little. Saw how you moved away. »

 

« Ah, I’m sorry for that too. Never wanted to get away from you. »

 

As to support his words, he hugged Yi tightly then picked him up. A grin split his face, something adorable to Yi’s mind. Then Yasuo put him down on the mattress, crawling up to kiss again.

 

That was all he needed to know. Everything was fine.

 

« Yi ? It’s ok if we sleep together ? »

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooooooooooo this fic is over but the story isn't! I'll create a separate one, since all this gonna take a smutty turn. That way I will be able to tag all the damned stuff in the other fanfic~ So, if you want to see how all this go on, go read the next fic! The story will stay the same, rather the same telling but sure it's gonna get heated :D

**Author's Note:**

> in the most perfect world, I'll update this in alternation with another fic so maybe in two days, next chapter


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